If the divorce did, in fact, happen because somewhere deep inside, you were using it as a threat that you thought would make your ex-husband or wife change, it means that you were holding a lot of power in the relationship. That is why it is usually easier to get back together on your terms. Now, there is a very important element that I want to bring your attention to. It is crucial that you resist the urge to go from holding all the power to begging and pleading because you’re panicking. I know that it feels like your world has crumbled around you, but neediness and clinginess are two of the worst things in this type of situation. We need your ex to feel inspired to want to get close to you again; not feel like you’re pulling on their arm, begging them to do so.
If you turn into someone who’s begging and pleading now, they will not recognize you. You’ll turn into someone that they are unfamiliar with, a person that they never saw, and they will not be attracted to this. Then they end up feeling so empowered now that they won’t want to get back together. In many cases, the person who was so hurt their partner’s decision to get a divorce winds up feeling drunk on power and doesn’t even want to get back together once they see how “desperate” their partner has become. They would rather see them suffer, and that is not what we want.
Make sure that you approach this situation in the best way possible because you are in a position that is favorable. It isn’t going to be easy, but when you successfully lay out a new foundation, you’ll see that this can actually be a blessing in disguise. I know you’re probably reading that thinking, “How on earth could this be a blessing in disguise? I don’t know if I’ve ever felt such heartache!” Truth be told, a great number of our clients come back after we’ve successfully gotten their exes back to say that it was one of the best things that could have happened to them. And no, it’s not an exaggeration!
Take Emilia’s email from a few days ago for example:
“I just wanted to reach out and say THANK YOU. I would never have thought that going through a divorce with my husband would actually bring us closer than ever. It made us both realize how much we love each other and what we’re willing to do to make this work. It made us realize that there were real problems that we needed to address, and the time apart made us understand that life just didn’t feel as beautiful as it did when we were together. So thanks to your coaching and the clarity that this ordeal has brought us, Daniel and I are happier than ever before. Not only are we back together, things feel new and exciting again. It’s like we gave our marriage a reboot.”
As you can see, though you might be feeling extreme regret over divorce at the moment, I want you to know that it doesn’t mean that things can’t change. More often than not, it’s a huge wake-up call that winds up serving you for the rest of your life.