As a coach specializing in love and relationships, my work alongside my partners here at Happily Committed consists of teaching people how to preserve and reinforce their relationships and marriages. But what happens when someone comes to us for help because as time has gone on, they realize that getting a divorce from the person they loved was actually a huge mistake?
To give you a little back story, before we started the Happily Committed Project, we had started With My Ex Again, which is another coaching firm specialized in helping people put the pieces back together and breathe life back into a relationship that they thought was finished for good.
We have brought all of that expertise over to Happily Committed, and because it’s such a common topic, I wanted to share some tips with you in today’s article. There are certain patterns that I’ve taken note of over the years and I want to start things off by saying that when you’re the person who made the decision to break up, in the majority of the cases, it is actually easier to get your ex back.
Now, if you’re reading this article and your ex was the one who decided to pull the plug on your marriage, this article will help you to adopt the right behavior that will attract your ex back.
So without further ado, let’s dive into what to do when you regret getting divorced and want to get back together!
I regret divorcing my husband or wife: help !
I wish I could tell you the number of divorce regret stories I have heard over the years. Things start to feel too overwhelming, it seems like you’ve been fighting to save this marriage for ages and nothing is working, and you finally reach a point where it seems to make more sense to end the marriage than to continue fighting for it.
So the topic of divorce finally comes up, and you wind up separating from the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.
So, in many of the cases we’ve worked with, the person who decided to get the divorce subconsciously (or maybe even consciously) did it because they just wanted their partner to change so badly.
They wanted to create a shock that would make something happen, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen. So we need to take a look at the Why. In many cases, the person you were with did not feel that he or she needed to change, and that is why you are now in this situation.
The first thing to keep in mind is that your ex is going to feel resentment towards you because of the divorce at the moment, so when you start trying to repair the damage, you’re going to have to start from zero. This process is going to require that you rebuild a new foundation.
It’s important to keep in mind that the marriage that you were in was not working because it ended in divorce. If you try to recreate the same exact marriage, you’re going to have the same exact result. This is why it’s crucial to really set out to build something new!
Regret divorce: be careful with your approach
If the divorce did, in fact, happen because somewhere deep inside, you were using it as a threat that you thought would make your ex-husband or wife change, it means that you were holding a lot of power in the relationship. That is why it is usually easier to get back together on your terms.
Now, there is a very important element that I want to bring your attention to. It is crucial that you resist the urge to go from holding all the power to begging and pleading because you’re panicking. I know that it feels like your world has crumbled around you, but neediness and clinginess are two of the worst things in this type of situation. We need your ex to feel inspired to want to get close to you again; not feel like you’re pulling on their arm, begging them to do so.
If you turn into someone who’s begging and pleading now, they will not recognize you. You’ll turn into someone that they are unfamiliar with, a person that they never saw, and they will not be attracted to this.
Then they end up feeling so empowered now that they won’t want to get back together. In many cases, the person who was so hurt their partner’s decision to get a divorce winds up feeling drunk on power and doesn’t even want to get back together once they see how “desperate” their partner has become. They would rather see them suffer, and that is not what we want.
Make sure that you approach this situation in the best way possible because you are in a position that is favorable. It isn’t going to be easy, but when you successfully lay out a new foundation, you’ll see that this can actually be a blessing in disguise.
I know you’re probably reading that thinking, “How on earth could this be a blessing in disguise? I don’t know if I’ve ever felt such heartache!” Truth be told, a great number of our clients come back after we’ve successfully gotten their exes back to say that it was one of the best things that could have happened to them. And no, it’s not an exaggeration!
Take Emilia’s email from a few days ago for example:
“I just wanted to reach out and say THANK YOU. I would never have thought that going through a divorce with my husband would actually bring us closer than ever. It made us both realize how much we love each other and what we’re willing to do to make this work. It made us realize that there were real problems that we needed to address, and the time apart made us understand that life just didn’t feel as beautiful as it did when we were together. So thanks to your coaching and the clarity that this ordeal has brought us, Daniel and I are happier than ever before. Not only are we back together, things feel new and exciting again. It’s like we gave our marriage a reboot.”
As you can see, though you might be feeling extreme regret over divorce at the moment, I want you to know that it doesn’t mean that things can’t change. More often than not, it’s a huge wake-up call that winds up serving you for the rest of your life.
When you regret getting divorced
At the end of the day, I want you to know that this doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. As I said at the beginning, we have a plethora of information available to you through our YouTube videos, the articles on this website, our programs, our eBooks, and our one on one coaching sessions. Each relationship is unique, so I encourage you to explore all of the information available to you and to reach out to us for customized coaching. By asking you targeted questions, we can delve into the details of your marriage and identify what exactly went wrong and what we need to do about it.
You just have to remember that now is the time to reestablish a new foundation with the one you love so that you can reunite in a new way. I don’t want you to think that all hope is lost because you two have actually gone through a divorce already. Some of the happiest couples I have encountered are people that have been exactly where you are right now. I would also recommend checking out our product on perfecting the art of bringing attraction back into the dynamic between you. To access it, all you have to do is click the link.
Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. We are here to help coach you every step of the way, so please don’t hesitate to reach out!
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you regret divorcing your husband or wife,