Sadly, infidelity is an issue that many people that I work with have wound up having to face. It shakes their sense of wellbeing and self confidence on a profound level, and I’m not going to lie, it’s not an easy thing to bounce back from.
That said, many of the clients that I work with have found themselves in another type of situation. They reach out to me because they have a hunch that their partner is being unfaithful, but they aren’t 100% sure of what’s going on.
Being able to identify the signs of infidelity is something that will help you to figure out how exactly to approach the situation, so I wanted to dedicate today’s article to this topic. If your partner is in fact being unfaithful, there is going to be a lot of work to do to rectify the situation, so the earlier you pinpoint what’s really happening, the better.
Let’s take a look at how to spot the signs of infidelity in your relationship, and what you can do about them starting today. If it turns out that your significant other is being unfaithful, it doesn’t automatically mean that it’s the end of your relationship.
You just need to zero in on what’s going on, why exactly it’s happening, and what the solutions are going to be. So let’s take a look!
It’s not uncommon for people to associate infidelity with the end of a relationship. It is true that cheating is the reason behind a huge number of breakups, but I’ve been working as a dedicated love and relationship coach for many years now and I can tell you that there are a couple of different types of situations.
Oftentimes a couple will break up when infidelity occurs, yes. The person who was cheated on feels that the trust has been broken in a way that could never be repaired, and they don’t think that they could ever look at their partner or spouse without thinking about the fact that they cheated.
While it is very true that infidelity is a serious problem, it is also true that it can serve as a catalyst for very important changes in a relationship, should the two partners decide to stay together.
Let me tell you about my client, Brian, for example. His wife was the one who was seeing signs of infidelity in a husband because he had actually fallen in love with his coworker, Katie. Things with his wife, Alexandra, had been going downhill for a while.
They were living under the same roof but acted more like roommates than anything else. The friendship that used to exist between them had dissipated and there was no more romance. Truth be told, they both neglected their relationship and focused primarily on their careers, and the marriage definitely took a hit.
Brian started spending more and more time with Katie until he realized that he was falling for her. One thing led to another and he started having an affair. Alexandra started to pick up on the signs that I’m about to go over with you, and when she confronted him, he came clean.
This was right around the time that he came to me for help as well. He explained to me that he saw that things had fallen apart with his wife because he had neglected the relationship, but he didn’t want to lose his marriage. Instead, he wanted to learn how to make things right between them so that he would feel fulfilled in his relationship and wouldn’t feel tempted by anyone on the outside.
So that’s exactly what we did. He went from being a cheating spouse to a loving husband. We started by outlining how exactly the distance between him and Alexandra began, and we zeroed in on the fact that a lot of his frustration in the marriage was rooted in his sense of feeling undervalued.
As we worked together, we developed ways to communicate these needs to Alexandra, and we worked on finding ways for him to nourish his own self-esteem without seeking external validation.
With time, Brian and Alexandra were able to reconnect and Brian found that his interest in Katie had completely disappeared.
When their relationship was threatened, Brian and Alexandra both listened to the wake-up call. They understood that something was wrong in the foundation in their marriage, and they both committed to fixing it.
Brian later told me that the moment he realized that he was about to lose the love of his life, he knew that he was willing to do whatever it took to make things right again between them, earn her forgiveness, and construct a relationship was stronger than ever before.
So in some instances, when a couple is confronted with signs of infidelity or concrete proof that it’s happened, it’s enough to shock them into taking action and transforming their relationship.
For Brian and Alexandra for example, they both wrote to me saying that though the last year was trying and difficult, their relationship has reached a new high and they’re closer than ever before.
I would like you to keep that in mind as we dive into the signs of infidelity in men and women. As challenging as this might be for some of you, an obstacle like this can actually be something that transforms your relationship into something unshakeable. Interestingly enough, sometimes the most painful and challenging situations bring the most good into your life.
It is important to note that there is physical infidelity and emotional infidelity to keep in mind, and that each person is going to have their own interpretation of what these things mean.
For most, physical cheating is pretty clearcut and it can be described at any sexual contact with a person who is not their significant other. But for some that refers only to sex, and for others that refers to dirty dancing at the club. Then, when it comes to emotional cheating, that’s a whole other ball game.
For some, emotional infidelity can be defined as someone having sexually charged conversations via text message with somebody, and for others, it can be when a person shares intimate details about their emotions and their life with someone who isn’t their partner.
It’s crucial for two people in a relationship to be on the same page about their definitions of emotional and physical infidelity.
Some people might argue that it’s harder to spot signs of emotional cheating, but in my experience, there are things that you can keep an eye out for to help you determine what’s really going on.
The first indicator is when your significant other stops confiding in you. You can tell that they’re unhappy, upset or just dissatisfied with things, but they don’t open up to you about it anymore. Then when they come home it seems like none of that stuff is on their mind anymore – as though they got it out of their system by talking to someone else that they trust.
Now, it could also mean that they worked through it by going to the gym and releasing all the tension in their mind, so let’s not jump to conclusions.
One thing that is a bit more alarming is when your partner lies often and about trivial things. If this is a common phenomenon in your relationship, then chances are higher that you’re dealing with a cheating husband or a cheating wife.
They also start to become secretive about their phone or their computer and try to hide the screen from you. They might even delete messages, emails or call logs.
It’s also very important to pay attention to your intuition. If your gut is telling you that something is going on, it’s important to acknowledge this feeling. Especially if you start picking up on these indicators!
In addition to the telltale signs that I mentioned above, keep an eye out these these indicators as well if you’re thinking that your partner or spouse is cheating on you.
If he or she has become shady about who they’re with and what they’re doing, it’s important that you pay attention.
If your significant other suddenly stops wanting to be intimate with you, or if they suddenly start to want a lot of sex, it could be a sign of cheating.
They might buy quite a bit of new lingerie or underwear, that you don’t end up seeing too much of, and they might start to care a lot more about their look. Take notice of their spending habits – has there been a big change lately?
Do they disappear for long periods of time and keep their phone off?
In a couple of the coaching sessions I’ve had recently, my clients have told me that their partner started to accuse them of cheating.
It happens because the partner in question feels guilty or self conscious about what they’re doing, so it’s their way of deflecting blame. In some cases it’s manipulation and an attempt to cover their bases should they be caught, and in other cases it’s how the person is trying to deal with their internal struggle.
Another big sign of infidelity is when your partner’s friends and/or colleagues start acting differently around you. Being aware of the changes in your significant other’s habits can be a huge tool to help you determine whether you’re seeing signs he’s cheating or signs she’s being unfaithful.
If you really suspect that the person you love is cheating on you, I encourage you to reach out to me or a member of my team for one on one guidance. It’s a delicate situation and it’s going to require organization and patience to approach it in the most productive way possible.
Each situation is entirely unique so I can’t provide you with a one-size-fits-all action plan but I can give you a custom action plan to help you reach your goals, whether that is to transform your relationship or to move forward towards happiness on your own.
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To summarize what I’ve gone over in this article, if you’re suspicious of your partner cheating on you, keep an eye out for the following things:
• Your partner stops confiding in you
• They life often and about trivial things
• They become very secretive about their phone and their emails
• They’re shady about who they’re with and what they’re doing
• You notice that they disappear for long periods of time and keep their phone off
• They suddenly don’t want sex or want a lot of it
• You’ve noticed a change in their spending habits
• They’ve purchased a lot of new lingerie or underwear lately
• They’re paying closer attention to their appearance
• They start to accuse you of cheating
• Their friends or coworkers start to act differently around you
• Your intuition tells you that you’re being cheated on
I know that this is not a fun topic, but we are here to help. I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love.
Sincerely,
Your coach when you’re looking for the signs of infidelity in a relationship,
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