The moment a person breaks their partner’s trust by cheating on them, a shift occurs in the relationship, and it can be very hard to rebuild the trust that used to exist between them. I often work with people who come to me for help after they or the person they love strayed outside of the relationship. I won’t sugarcoat it, it’s no walk in the park. Learning how to rebuild trust after cheating is challenging, but it IS possible.
I have helped thousands of people restore trust in their relationships, and I wanted to write this article for you today on how to successfully do it in yours as well! My goal is to give you concrete tips and tools that will heal your relationship, whether you are the one that cheated or your significant other was the one that broke your trust.
It’s going to require time, patience and perseverance, but anything is possible in love if you’re willing to make the effort. So let’s take a look at how to rebuild the trust that is currently broken so that you can lay the foundation for a relationship that is stronger than ever before!
Learning how to rebuild trust after cheating and lying starts with pinpointing the root
When you want to find the solution to a problem, the first step comes in the form of identifying where the problem came from in the first place.
As shocking as the experience might be, it’s important to recognize the fact that there is a reason why this happened. For some reason, the person who strayed outside of the relationship felt that they needed something that they couldn’t get from their partner.
Sometimes this is purely physical, and this often happens when the level of intimacy has declined over the years that two people were together, but sometimes it comes from a more emotional place.
I worked with a man that cheated on his wife because he felt completely disconnected from her, emotionally speaking, and he realized that he needed to feel a deeper connection with someone that he could open up to.
Physical infidelity went hand in hand with that, but he realized that he needed to start working on how to restore the complicity and the emotional bond in his relationship with his wife if he was going to save his marriage.
So when it comes to how to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating, you’re going to need to take some time to do some introspection. Cheating is the consequence of a deeper rooted problem, and the more you’re able to analyze where the issue is stemming from, the easier it is going to be to define solutions.
I know that when you’re in the thick of it, it can feel very hard to imagine how this whole mess could be resolved. But I want you to rest assured, you CAN bounce back from this. To illustrate my point, let me tell you about Isabella, who had come to me asking about how to rebuild trust after her boyfriend cheated on her.
She had been with Mark for six years already when she found out that he was cheating on her with another woman. She had her suspicions, so she went through the home computer, where she found the email conversation between him and the other woman.
When she confronted Mark about what he had been doing, he actually came clean immediately. He didn’t want to hide anything, so he confessed. Now, in this confessions, he had also said that he had been unhappy in the relationship with Isabella and wanted to find a way to fix things between them.
At first, she gave him a hard no. She wanted nothing to do with him after what he had done, but after a couple months of reflection, she began to realize that she agreed that their relationship had been going downhill long before the cheating happened, and that when he would try to speak with her about it, she would just brush it off because she found it frustrating.
This got her to change the tune of their relationship and she started by pinpointing what was causing their romance and their connection to crumble. She started outlining a solution to every single issue that came to mind, including the broken trust.
And I am happy to say that today, Isabella and Mark are engaged and are both very happy to be moving their relationship forward!
How to rebuild trust in your relationship and bounce back
I am going to break this section of the article into two parts. One for the person who cheated on their partner, and one for the person who was cheated on. If you’re committed to rebuilding trust, you’re going to succeed. So let’s dive in!
How to regain trust when you cheated on your partner
First things first, if you’re thinking, “I cheated on my boyfriend or on my girlfriend,” it comes as no surprise that the very first thing to do is to end the affair if you haven’t already done so. There is no alternative, even if it’s very hard!
Healthy relationships are built on trust, security and accountability, so it’s crucial that you focus on long-term commitment instead of short-term pleasure if you want to save this relationship.
One of the things that we tend to forget when we’ve settled into a relationship and start to feel angsty or even a little bit bored is that the grass is not greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.
Rebuilding trust through communication
At this point, your partner is probably going to have questions about what happened and why you did it, so it’s going to be important to be available to him or her to provide answers. Don’t offer up details about the affair if they haven’t asked for them, but if there is something specific that your partner wants to know, don’t hide it.
If they sense that you’re being secretive right now, they are not going to find it easy to trust you again in the future. You have to show your significant other that you can be transparent and work as a team to rebuild trust in your relationship after cheating. Healthy communication is achieved through honesty and transparency.
It is also achieved by exploring why exactly you cheated on your partner. By taking responsibility for your actions, you can turn this crisis into an opportunity. In fact, a lot of people don’t believe me when they first hear this, but then go on to realize that a crisis like this can actually serve as a catalyst for very positive changes in your relationship that end up making it stronger than ever before!
Take some time to reflect and get to know what drives you, and what motivated you to make this mistake so that it won’t happen again. Did you feel like there are a lack of self confidence at play that made you seek reassurance outside of the relationship? Did your relationship feel lackluster and predictable? Did it stem from an example that you saw from your parents or someone else that you were close to?
There are many different elements at play that can make a person make the decision to wind up cheating in a relationship, but it’s crucial that you zero in on why exactly you did it.
In addition to this, keep in mind that this is going to require patience on your end as well. It’s going to take your significant other some time to digest what happened and learn to trust you again. You’re going to have to actively work on restoring their trust in you on a daily basis.
Don’t get frustrated if you don’t see a fast turnaround from your partner.
If you feel that you’re struggling with rebuilding trust after cheating on your partner, I highly recommend our product on infidelity, as it can help you to put the pieces back together and restore your relationship!
How to trust again when your partner cheated on you
First things first, you have every right to be upset if the person you love broke your trust by cheating on you. You’re going to have to take some time to really think about what you want from here on out. If you have chosen to forgive your significant other, you’re going to have to forgive them and keep forgiving them every single day. It’s hard, but it’s a conscious choice that you’re going to have to make on a regular basis.
Seek to regain control over your emotions before sitting down and communicating with your partner, even if this means waiting a while. Why? It’s simply because speaking too soon will just lead to a blow out argument that one or both of you might end up regretting later on. When the wound is fresh, it’s going to be hard to have calm and collected conversations about what happened and what needs to happen next. By the way, your partner is going to have to respect your need for time and space right now.
So, you can begin the affair recovery by getting in control of your emotions. The best way to do this is to begin processing what happened. What was the root of the problem?
Make sure that you and your partner are able to have open and transparent conversations about why exactly this happened. Remember, cheating is a consequence of a preexisting problem. That problem might be directly related to your relationship, but it could also be something that is linked to a person’s past.
Once you’re ready to hear about what happened, sit down and have an honest conversation with your partner. It’s not going to be fun, but if you can gather the necessary information, you’re going to be able define solutions and learn to love again with no suspicions. If you two can be honest with each other and vow to work as a team, you will be able to bounce back after the affair.
Processing the facts while detaching and gaining perspective is going to be key, and when you’re ready to define solutions and work towards them every day, make a joint commitment. Promise each other that you’re going to commit to one another, to your relationship, and to your future together.
Learn to love again after cheating happened
Though you’re in a tough period right now, it is temporary. It’s just going to require some work, but the fact that you’ve already gone out of your way to research how to rebuild trust after cheating means that you’re willing to take action.
So many people just take a easy way out and give up on their relationship, but if you’re really willing to put in the work to save this, you’re going to see that this bump in the road does not have to mean that everything is over between you. Like I said above, sometimes this type of thing actually reinforces the bond between you, proves to you how much you’re both willing to do to save this relationship, and it allows you to pave the way to a much happier relationship in the future.
As this article comes to a close, I want to go over the basic elements of how to rebuild trust so that you can start moving towards moving past infidelity once and for all.
If you are the one who cheated or had an affair, the first step is to end the affair. It’s the only way this is going to work. Work on watering the grass where you are instead of assuming that the grass is always greener on the other side. Tell your partner what they want to know, because healthy communication is achieved through honesty and transparency.
Work on understanding why you cheated and turn this crisis into an opportunity. If you can get to know what drives you and what motivated you to make this mistake, it will be much easier to avoid doing it again.
Be patient. It might take your partner a long time to feel safe being vulnerable with you, both emotionally and physically.
If your significant other is the one who cheated on you, overcome your emotions by processing what happened. You are right to be upset, but you can begin the healing process. Seek to regain control over your emotions before you speak to your partner about what happened, but when you’re ready to discuss it, work on finding out what you need to know in order to ensure that this type of thing does not happen again in the future.
Make a joint commitment to one another. Commit to implementing the changes, ad commit to stay committed in the long run. Learn to be honest and open with one another about what you need and what you want, and to voice your opinion when you feel something is lacking.
As always, we are here to help you so please don’t hesitate to reach out. By asking you targeting questions, we can define a custom action plan that will catapult you towards success in your relationship. Join the Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship after cheating in a meaningful and dignified way. All you have to do is click here to work with me or a member of my team.
Wishing you all the very best,
Your coach when you want to know how to rebuild trust after cheating