If you are familiar with our company, then you know that prior to creating the Happily Committed Project, we worked primarily with couples who wanted to get back together with an ex. Our other company, Love Advice TV deals specifically in ex recovery and I wanted to share some of the most powerful tips and tools with our readers here.
If you are reading this article right now, it means that you have experienced a separation and you want to know how to put the pieces back together. Though I know that you are experiencing a considerable amount of heartache right about now, I want you to know that you have come to the right place! With over 20 years of shared experience, we can confidently tell you what works and what doesn’t.
So if you are wondering, “How to get my husband back after separation,” you are about to find the answer. In today’s article, I am going to go over the basics of getting someone back, and then I am going to explain how to do so if you’ve been separated for a long time and how to do so if your ex has already moved on with someone else. Let’s get started!
First and foremost, I want to tell you that I understand the situation that you are in. When you see that the life and the marriage that you had built over time has crumbled and fallen apart, when you see the person you love transform into someone else, when you understand how husband sees you, and when you experience all the fights and tears, it can be incredibly overwhelming.
It can feel very challenging to believe that you can make all of this right again. This is especially true if the two of you have already separated or divorced.
So I want to start things off by telling you a success story. I have worked with people all around the world and I love being able to share their stories with new clients because I know how easy it is to feel discouraged! And I won’t sugarcoat it. Getting your spouse back after a separation is no easy feat.
But I will say is that it IS possible. If you are motivated and dedicated to this mission, you can succeed. But if you are already telling yourself that there is no way that you’re going to be able to make this happen, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. Mindset is everything here.
Let me tell you about Stephanie and her husband Yvonne. Stephanie wanted to save her relationship more than anything, but her husband, Yvonne, just wanted a divorce. They had already been separated for close to a year, but she decided that she wasn’t going to give up the fight.
The problem, however, was that the more she pushed to talk about their problems, the less interested and more frustrated he became. It was not until she realized that she had to make significant adjustments to her approach, and be consistent once the changes had been implemented, that she started to feel Yvonne warming back up to her.
He began asking messaging her more and more, and eventually they began spending time together again. As we continued to work together, she could see a powerful shift in their dynamic and he was becoming more and more enthusiastic about spending time with her. The change was gradual, but powerful, and I am happy to say that now both of them are happily committed to one another!
Sometimes it’s just about shifting your approach so that your ex becomes more receptive to you. Sometimes it’s about learning how to understand his needs, and sometimes it’s about learning how to communicate. There are many elements at play here, so let’s dive deeper…
So where do you begin when you want to get your husband back after a separation? Well, you are going to have to begin by truly analyzing the situation so that you can understand what went wrong. Without zeroing in on what truly happened, you aren’t going to be able to pinpoint the appropriate solutions.
This is why it is so important to take your time with this and really study what went wrong. This is how you will define your roadmap!
Where, in your relationship, was trust broken? Where was there disappointment? In what way did you fail to live up to your responsibilities as a partner? If you don’t know what your mistakes were, then you’re not going to be able to know what to fix and what mistakes to avoid making in the future.
In other words, if you don’t know what you did wrong, it is not realistic to expect the relationship to be sustainable in the long run if you manage to get back together. You have to identify the problem to ensure that it doesn’t wind up happening again.
Once you figure out what went wrong, you are going to have to spend some time laying out your roadmap. The good news here is that you can afford to take your time with this. If you and this man are married, it means that you have already spent a significant amount of time together, your lives are intertwined, and your window of opportunity is a lot longer than it is for someone who has only been dating their significant other for a couple of months.
You can afford to take your time to rebuild this the right way. In the majority of cases, the longer you have been together, the bigger your window of opportunity for making things right again.
Now, another thing that I want to bring your attention to very early on in this article is the importance of your approach. If you communicate to your husband that you need him and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make him want you back, you’re going to push him away.
This is something that I see all too often in my one on one coaching sessions. People think that they have to tell their spouses that they need them and that this will make their spouses understand how much they love them, but the truth is that this type of behavior only makes their partner pull farther away. If your partner feels that you are doing this out of desperation, it’s going to change everything – and not in a good way.
He can’t think that you are only concerned about your needs and fears if this is going to work. He needs to feel that you understand his need for new beginnings, for change, a healthier dynamic and a more fulfilling foundation.
For this reason, a large part of your roadmap needs to include listening with intent. You must make it your goal to truly understand what your partner’s needs are, and this will play a huge role in getting him back. But be careful, you have to actually give him what he wants and needs, and it needs to happen consistently.
One of the biggest mistakes I see when people come to me for help with how to win your husband back during separation or after a divorce is that they make changes that are temporary. What winds up happening if that their husband views their changes as temporary solutions and they lose all credibility.
The key to success in getting someone back is consistency. You have to understand what this person truly needs from you, and you have to give it to him on a regular basis.
And I’m not talking about superficial or material things here. I am talking about things like communication, inspiration, excitement, shared projects… I am talking about the deeper elements of your connection that are directly linked to your relationship’s foundation.
One of the tools we share with our clients who are working on trying to prevent a divorce from going through or who are trying to make an ex spouse come back is called the Year of Patience. If your husband is dead-set on leaving, I encourage you to ask him for the Year of Patience. Tell him that you will give him the separation that he wants, but you’re going to take this time to make sure that you’re making the right decision. You want to make sure that you have no regrets. You want to make sure that you do everything in your power to ensure that you avoid regrets because you’ve built so much together, you’ve made a commitment to each other, maybe you have children or a home together… You want to make sure that you actually give yourselves time before you officially end the marriage.
And then it is up to you to take this time to really focus on making concrete improvements in your life. During this time, you can start to show him change, he can start to recognize improvements, and the two of you can start to miss each other. You can find yourself again, you can implement your plan, you can start to rebuild your sense of well-being and self-confidence. Before you know it, you will be in a position where you can win your spouse back. You will no longer be in a position of fear and stress, there will be no desperation, and you will just be in a new frame of mind that will be conducive to putting the pieces back together in a much better way.
You will be able to offer something authentic that is also very inspiring. I see this happen all the time in my coaching sessions. If you would like to work with me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here. I know that each situation is unique and each relationship has its own details to take into consideration. By working with you one on one, we can ask you specific questions that will allow us to create a tailor-made action plan for your personal situation.
I have worked with so many couples over the years who have gone through a trying experience like this only to find that once the core issues were resolved, we were able to repair their marriage and find a bond that is renewed and strengthened. If you’ve read some of our other articles then perhaps you have seen me say that as surprising as it may be, situations like this, and challenges in your marriage like this, are sometimes the biggest blessings in disguise. They shine a big bright light on what isn’t working in your relationship, and when you are faced with the prospect of losing the person you love, they act as a powerful catalyst for very positive change in the relationship.
Sometimes everything needs to fall apart so that you can put the pieces back together in a better way!
I wanted to provide you with some info on how to get your husband back after you’ve been separated for a very very long time as well. This is another common topic that arises in our one on one coaching sessions, so I want to give you the MOST important step that will give you the results you are looking for.
Many times a person will come to me asking about how to win back their husband after separation but I sense quite a bit of hesitation. They often feel like too much time has passed and there is just no way that they’ll be able to get him back. But if you love this person, and if you feel like he was your soulmate, why not try? I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” Well, this is kind of the same thing. If you don’t try to get your husband back, you’re automatically closing the door to the possibility. So the fact that you are on this website reading this article right now already shows me that you are willing to dedicate your time and energy to this cause. This means that you are being proactive and that you’re willing to do the work, and this is precisely what you need in order for this to work!
If you’ve been separated for years, then you have had a lot more time to analyze what went wrong and digest the breakup. You have also had ample time to make changes in your own life. It’s okay if you’ve made mistakes – everyone does. But time has passed now, the dust has settled, and you now have an opportunity to present a new version of yourself to your ex. You can now show him the new and improved version of the woman he fell in love with at the beginning of your relationship! As you can imagine, this is what will make you irritable to him.
I know that you might be thinking that the fact that so much time has passed since your separation could be detrimental to your attempt at getting your ex back, but trust me when I say that this is not the case at all. First of all, there is no expiration date on getting back together with someone you love. Second of all, the time that has passed can be an asset.
If you’re thinking, “I want my husband back,” the first thing you need to be aware of is the importance of reestablishing dialogue. If you two have not spoken in a long time, the very first step will be to get back in touch – but not in the way that you might expect. Many clients reach out to an ex years down the line and pour out their heart and soul, but this just spooks their ex. Instead, you’re going to reach out to your ex and establish a friendly relationship. You want to show him that you’ve made changes and improvements and that you are truly enjoying the life that you have created for yourself. Any means of communication is fine, whether it’s social media, text, face to face… You just need to have the channels of communication open if you want to get your husband back after separation.
When the dialogue is reestablished, the fun can begin! It’s going to be about re-attracting them and re-seducing them. Incidentally, I wanted to mention that we have a new program specifically designed to help you master the art of attraction, and this is something that would be very beneficial in your mission to make your ex fall for you again! To access it, all you have to do is click here.
This is the part that is the most fun, and the best part is that you already know how to seduce this person. You’ve made him fall for you before, so you know it’s possible and you know what makes him tick! I honestly love helping people start to flirt and inspire their ex again because something really beautiful happens. As it begins to work, you find something that feels both familiar and new. The key here is to “sell your life.” I know this might sound funny, but the goal is to make sure that you are living a life that you are proud of, and show him! Show him that you’re doing things that make you truly happy! Show him that you’re succeeding in your projects and goals, show him that you’ve been taking care of yourself in every way possible, show him that you are seeking out new experiences to broaden your horizons. You want him to recognize that you have bounced back, evolved, and learned so much from your breakup. Because if he fell in love with you and married you once, it means that there is something special between you and he can fall for you again.
It is up to you to make sure that you fall in love with yourself and the life that you are living, and then he will quickly realize that he would be a fool to not want to be a part of your life!
In this section, I’d like to start things off by telling you right off the bat that even if your ex has moved on after your separation, it does not mean that you don’t have the opportunity to rebuild with him. What it does mean, however, is that in order to get him back, you need to have a very strong sense of self. The time that you spend apart must be used to work on yourself and to truly become the best version of yourself, like I said above. The reason for this is very simple. If you do not embody a confident spirit in which you clearly know your worth and what you bring to the table, your ex won’t see it very clearly either. At the end of the day, this isn’t about getting your ex back from someone else; it’s about getting your ex back period.
You don’t need to worry too much about the fact that he’s seeing someone new because at the end of the day, the strategy is kind of the same. Ultimately, it’s all about you and if you focus too much on the new person that your ex is seeing, you’re only distracting yourself from the tasks at hand. The goal now is to return to the person that you were when your relationship began with your ex. Your mission is to become the new and improved version of the person that your husband fell in love with at the very beginning of your relationship! How did you change? What was different by the end of your relationship? These are the things you need to be focusing your energy on when you want to know how to win your ex husband back.
Your biggest competition is yourself and your job is to be better than you were yesterday.
The moment you start comparing yourself to another person, you’re going to be thrown off balance, you’ll be focusing on the wrong things, you’ll be making yourself anxious for no good reason, and this is only going to throw you off course. It’s just going to distract you and take away from your odds of success. And I can’t stress this enough! If you focus more on your ex’s new partner than you focus on yourself, it’s going to damage your odds of success.
You also need to keep in mind that what happened in your relationship with your ex husband has nothing to do with this other person. Maybe your husband is redirecting his focus to another person because it’s easier to deal with a breakup and divorce when there is a distraction, maybe this other person is just his rebound, but it doesn’t change the fact that your focus needs to be on fixing what wasn’t working in YOUR relationship with him. This new person didn’t wander into your relationship and make the two of you separate.
Now, if your husband is now dating someone that he was having an affair with while he was with you, this is slightly different. In this case, I encourage you to book a private coaching session so that we can dive into the details of your situation and define the proper solutions. In any case, if your marriage ended with your ex husband, it means that there was already an issue at hand, and there was already a gap in your connectivity. By focusing on that, it is going to set you on the right path to get the results that you want.
In terms of practical advice in this type of situation, you will need to make sure that there is dialogue between you. You have to ensure that the lines of communication are open between you, because if your ex is dating someone new and he has no communication with you anymore, it becomes too easy for him to move on. Just be careful about making your intentions obvious. This goes hand in hand with what I was explaining in the first part of this article. When you talk to your ex husband, you have to make sure that you’re just exchanging with him about the great things that you have going on in your life. This is how you’re going to spark his interest. Your conversations shouldn’t be about how much you miss him and how much you want him back. And make SURE that you are not deliberately trying to drive a wedge between him and his new partner. This is not going to reflect well on you and it can easily push him away. If your partner sees your behavior and interprets it as desperation, then his new partner is just going to look all the better. If you keep telling your ex that you’ve changed and that you’re going to be better now, it’s going to make it look like you’re just changing because you want to get him back from the new person. So he’ll question your integrity, your motives, and the sustainability of your changes. On the other hand, if he sees that you’re changing of your own accord and you are loving the life that you are building, he is going to view things in a very different way.
For now, really focus on showing him that you are living a life that he would be a fool to not want to be a part of! Make sure there that there is ambiguity as to what your purpose for keeping in touch is.
If you are feeling like you are currently in a headspace that would make it very hard for you to talk to your partner in a way that doesn’t make your intentions blatantly obvious, if you feel like your ex will see you coming from a mile away with the intention of getting him back from his new partner, then it would be better to take some time before reaching out to him. Even if that means using the no contact rule! It is better to have the opportunity to have him later than to sever the tie entirely right now because you’re frustrated and impatient with the way things are right now.
Similarly, don’t snoop around trying to glean more information about this new person. Don’t ask your ex about them, don’t ask their friends about them… The truth is that the more importance you give this person, the more of a role they will play in your story. If, however, you just focus on rebuilding your relationship with yourself and with your ex, the less of an impact this new person will have in general. Don’t forget that it is largely up to you how much of a threat your ex’s new partner really is.
As this article comes to a close, you seen that your biggest tool right now is going to be ensuring that you focus on becoming the new and improved version of yourself. This is true whether you have just separated, whether it’s been years since you separated, and whether your ex is now with someone new. This is the key to yielding the results that you want.
It requires you to take a close look at what wasn’t working in the relationship, and it requires you to do some serious introspection so that you can determine what kind of positive changes you can make in your life to cultivate a solid sense of happiness, confidence and wellbeing. Because remember, your ex fell in love with you once. When you show him the 2.0 version of the person he fell in love with, he is going to find you irresistible. Make sure you combine this with positive, healthy communication, and you will see that you will start to attract him back into your life. When this happens, please don’t hesitate to book a coaching session so that we can give you a custom action plan that will help you to ensure that this relationship can finally thrive!
Hats off to you for putting in the work, because true love really deserves it. This is what we have dedicated our lives to, and I can’t wait for you to once again be with the one you love and to finally experience your happily ever after.
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love.
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