Here at Happily Committed, we have dedicated our lives to giving people all the tips and tools they need to coach themselves at home through whatever challenge they are facing in their love lives. As you can imagine, one of the main issues we encounter are marriages and relationships that are on the brink of separation.
That said, helping people save their marriage is a part of what we do every single day. It is a part of what we’ve been doing for many many years now. In fact, we have twenty years of combined experience on the subject, and that is exactly what you are going to be learning about in today’s article.
I want to give you 9 tools on how to save a marriage that is falling apart. These are tools and techniques that are tried and true, and these are some of the biggest game-changers available to you.
I’ll be going over the signs that your marriage is dangerously close to the brink of divorce, and then I will be explaining what exactly you need to do to fix it! So without further ado, let’s dive right in!
What to do when your marriage is falling apart: Recognizing the signs
When you’re dealing with a situation like this, it is very easy to feel bogged down by the weight of it all. Your emotions are all over the place, tensions are running high between you and your partner, and it can feel exceedingly difficult to figure out what’s going on and what you need to do about it.
So, let’s start with the basics. First things first, we need to get a 360 degree view of the situation at hand. In many cases, people aren’t sure if they’re just in a rough patch or if their relationship truly is falling apart.
One of the things I often remind my clients of when they come to me for help with saving their marriages, is the importance of becoming aware of the situation in its entirety. I know that when everything feels like it’s crumbling around you, it can feel like you just want to hide away from it all and sweep the problems under the rug.
But the problem is that when you do this, you aren’t tackling the issues at hand. Truth be told, the better idea you have of the entire situation, the easier it becomes to pinpoint the exact solutions. That said, let’s go ahead and look at 10 subtle signs that your marriage is falling apart.
It goes without saying that fights and tension are clear signs of a marriage falling apart, but there are also subtle ones that we need to keep an eye on.
The first thing I want you to keep an eye on is increased social media use. When this happens, it is often because the person who is spending more and more time on social media is doing it simply because they are becoming more and more detached from their spouse, their relationship, and their current reality.
It can also be a defense mechanism that allows them to post pictures that makes it look like their life is great, when in reality, they aren’t feeling all that great about the state of their lives.
The next sign we need to keep an eye on is secrecy. When you or your partner starts to become more and more secretive, it means that something is up. I often see that when a marriage is falling apart, one partner (or both) starts involving the other person in their day to day lives less and less.
They don’t share what they’ve been doing, who they’ve been seeing, what they’re thinking, how they’re doing… They start to become more secretive about their phone use and may even start changing passwords, and start to develop more of a “secret garden” in the relationship.
They begin to pull away and start to crave way more privacy than they usually do in the relationship. In some cases, that’s all it is, and in other cases, it can have something to do with the fact that they’re starting to do things in their private lives that they don’t want their partner to know about.
This is sometimes when we see issues with infidelity. I don’t want to scare you, but I just want to give you all the information. If something has been telling you that your partner may be having an affair, I encourage you to read this article on figuring out whether or not someone is cheating.
Third, communication is falling apart. Communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, so if you feel that it is falling apart or that there is no communication whatsoever, it means that you’re looking at signs your marriage is falling apart. It is very difficult to work as a team if there is no communication between you.
This goes hand in hand with big, explosive fights, not seeing eye to eye on issues (both big and small)… communication is crucial. There is a mega article that we’ve written on restoring communication, and I highly encourage you to read it right here.
The fourth sign to keep in mind when your marriage is falling apart has to do with intimacy. Whether you are having sex less and less, or it’s no longer even a part of your relationship, it’s important to understand that this is a big sign that something is wrong.
It is normal for a couple to no longer have sex as often as they did at the very beginning of their relationship, but if it’s completely gone from your relationship and there is no desire for intimacy, then we’re looking at a problem. We need the two of you to be in sync, and for you to feel the desire to be intimate with one another.
When your marriage is falling apart: 5 indicators
Another thing to bear in mind when you’re trying to gauge what is going on in your relationship is isolation. If you or your partner are feeling isolated within your relationship, if you feel like you’re dealing with issues on your own and you aren’t getting any help from your partner, it means that the foundation of the marriage is crumbling.
A relationship is always about teamwork, and you need to be working on finding solutions together in order to make this marriage work. But I will expand on that in a little bit!
The next sign to keep an eye on when your marriage is falling apart is when you start spending less and less time together. Do you feel like you used to crave each other’s presence, but now it just feels like you have no desire to do so? Or like your partner has no desire to do so? If so, this is something to pay attention to.
Oftentimes when a marriage is falling apart, one or both partners will come up with excuses for not spending time together. In essence, they start to avoid one another either because they don’t like how they feel when they’re around each other, or because they just feel bored by the situation.
When it comes to a marriage falling apart, there is another common issue that develops, and it is really important for you to keep an eye on it. I am talking about the loss of self. If you feel like you don’t know who you are anymore, or that you don’t recognize yourself in the relationship anymore, you are looking at a big sign that there is a breakdown in the relationship.
Healthy relationships and marriages allow both people involved to be the best versions of themselves, and they help build each other up. The other thing to keep in mind here is that it is not possible to truly make another person happy unless you are happy yourself. That is why it’s so important to pay attention to whether or not you feel that you have lost yourself and your sense of happiness in this marriage.
The eighth sign is huge. When you think about the future, does it involve your spouse? If it does not, this is a huge sign that the marriage is falling apart and something needs to change. The whole point of getting married was to spend the rest of your life with this individual, and if you do not see them in your future, then you are looking at one of the biggest signs that the marriage is crumbling.
My ninth subtle sign for you has to do with compromise. Healthy relationships are all about working together to find a compromise that makes both people in the relationship happy. It isn’t always easy, but both of you should be willing to do this for each other. When relationships and marriages start falling apart, we often see that the notion of compromise goes out the window. One or both people in the relationship simply refuse to budge and tensions rise and rise.
The last sign I want you to keep in mind is when you no longer share anything in common. Sometimes we see that in the beginning of a relationship, a couple will have lots of things they enjoy doing together, similar interests, and a general desire to share things with one another. When a relationship begins to crumble, we often see that the couple stops sharing, and they stop trying to connect.
When you experience the elements that I have just gone over, it means that your marriage is in fact crumbling, and it is perfectly normal to be thinking about how to save a marriage that is falling apart. As promised, I am going to give you all the tools that will enable you to do just that. Shall we?
How to save a marriage that is falling apart: The Do’s and Don’ts!
Alright, so now let’s get into the nitty-gritty. There are a couple of things to keep in mind when it comes to how to save a marriage that is falling apart, and the very first thing I want to bring your attention to is that this period can be an incredible blessing in disguise. I work with clients who are trying to save a marriage every single day and there is a fascinating phenomenon that I have observed over the years. Truth be told, sometimes this is exactly what a couple needs in order to provide them with an electroshock that sets their relationship out on a new path. A path that leads to long-term happiness, stability, and fulfillment. You see, when things fall apart, you have the opportunity to put them back together in a new way.
When two people are together for a long time, it’s not uncommon for things to get off-track. Remember how happy you used to be? You’ve seen the potential that this relationship has – don’t panic if you’ve veered off-course. It’s time to talk about how to do this!
The first tip I have for you has to do with focusing on yourself. It may sound counterintuitive, but the truth is that you cannot make another person happy if you are not happy within yourself. This is part of the foundation of a happy relationship. By focusing on yourself, it gives you a chance to analyze the situation from an outside perspective. It’s very hard to get a 360-degree view of the situation if you’re the middle of it. In addition to that, it gives you the opportunity to reconnect with yourself by finding your passions again. This is how you become happier and more fulfilled in your personal life, and this will positively affect your relationship!
When you see your marriage falling apart, the second step has to do with creating support around you. People need to feel like they have a community or a place that they can go to in order to feel supported. If you are in a situation right now where you are witnessing your marriage falling apart, having a community of people that you can rely on is incredibly important. That said, you need to be careful with how much information you share about your situation at home. If you are talking about all the problems in your marriage with all of your friends and family, they are going to side with you. The thing to keep in mind with this is that you could wind up in a situation where the people that love you become so protective of you, that they will all tell you to leave your marriage. This can cause more issues for you and put more pressure on you and your marriage. Their support can be in the form of time spent together doing things that make you happy.
What to do when your marriage is falling apart: Communication and accountability
We touched on this a bit above. Communication is a crucial element of a healthy relationship and it is the key to a successful marriage. When communication is not present, it is impossible to connect. When you’re fighting to save a marriage, keeping lines of communication open is essential.
In many cases, however, the lack of communication is actually the reason a marriage is crumbling. If this is the case for you, it means that it’s time to establish a new way of communicating. The first part of this will be to write down a list of what you want to get across. Make this a priority, because this is how you will be able to express yourself and your needs to your partner. Encourage your partner to do the same, so that you can then come together and talk about what you both need in the relationship and what kind of solutions you can begin to incorporate.
Part of communication is accountability. I know that many of us struggle with and don’t like admitting when we’re wrong or that we are a part of the problem, but it’s important to remember that no one is perfect. When marriages start to fall apart, we need to remember that relationships are a two-way road and that it is very rare for only one person to be responsible for everything that has gone wrong. A marriage is a team, and both of you need to work together to right past wrongs. When you (both!) are able to take responsibility and be accountable for past mistakes, it becomes infinitely easier to work together to define solutions as well.
How to save your marriage when it’s falling apart: Empathy, respect and sharing
When things are tense in your marriage, it becomes dangerously easy to your partner with hostility and disrespect their views and perceptions. It is okay, and it is healthy to question your partner’s point of view on various things, but it is crucial to do so in a way that shows respect. It is not helpful to continually challenge your partner or dismiss their thoughts and opinions.
I know you want to be respected as well, and mutual respect is crucial. In order to have that, you need to have empathy for one another. So I encourage you to put yourself in your partner’s shoes every single day. This is the best way to try to understand them and work with them.
At this point, we need to work on bringing you closer together, and a good tool for this is sharing a project. When you’re in a marriage, it is often challenging to find quality time to spend together. It’s hard to share an activity, but it is something that needs to be prioritized if you want to save your marriage when it is falling apart. Sharing activities, hobbies, and projects help you to create memories together, and when you create memories together, you start to bond more. Positive memories act like anchors in a relationship, and this is one of the keys for saving a marriage! It is part of the growth of intimacy.
So even if it seems like you don’t have much time to share activities, I invite you to make it a priority. You will see the positive effect it has on your relationship.
How to save a marriage that’s falling apart: Being open with your partner
One of the biggest things that we need to keep in mind when we are working on saving a relationship is that you both need to cultivate a space in which you both feel safe to communicate your needs. To do so, you have to be vulnerable with one another. You have to be open and honest, and not be afraid to share. If you are vulnerable and you are allowing your spouse in, then they will see that they can do the same for you. He or she will be more willing to reciprocate that, and will be more open, honest, and transparent with you.
Creating a comfortable environment like this is something that will help you to establish communication and a healthy connection. The more you communicate, the easier it becomes.
You also have to prioritize teamwork. It’s very important to take care of your own needs and analyze how you’re feeling, but you absolutely have to work as a team to fix this marriage. You are both your own individuals, and within this marriage, you are a team working towards the same goals. it is not one person against the other. It is both of you against the problem!
By starting to solve those problems together, you start to set a new precedent.
The last tip I have for you has to do with the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.” This is incredibly true. If your marriage is falling apart, I want you to understand that actions are going to speak louder than words, now more than ever! If you or your partner is having trouble trusting in this relationship and the foundation feels unstable, then you both need to make sure that you are communicating and that you are both following up your words with concrete actions. by doing this, you will cultivate consistency, which leads to trust, which then leads to stability. These are crucial elements of a relationship that needs to be rebuilt when things are falling apart.
How to save a marriage: Starting fresh
As this article comes to a close, I want reiterate the fact that we are here to work with you if you need. To work with me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here.
To summarize what we went over in today’s article, let’s take a look at the different tools you have available for saving a marriage that is falling apart.
First, take some time to focus on yourself so that you can restore personal happiness and wellbeing
Communication: Communication is a pillar of healthy relationships.
Accountability: Relationships are a two way road.
Empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes every single day.
Respect: Don’t belittle or dismiss your partner’s thoughts and opinions.
Sharing activities: Sharing activities creates positive memories that serve as anchors in the relationship.
Vulnerability: Cultivate a.sense of openness so that you can share with one another in a productive way
Teamwork: It is not one person against the other; it is both of you against the problem.
Actions speak louder than words: Make sure your words are always followed up by actions.
The fact that you’ve already sought out this article means that you are on the right track. Nothing will change if you aren’t motivated, but this shows that you are.
I am very excited for the next chapter of your relationship!
I wish you all the very best in life and love.
Your coach when you want to know how to save a marriage that is falling apart