If your relationship is in a rocky period, one of the scariest questions on your mind is whether or not you should take a break. I get it – the concept is really daunting. So many people I work with come to me with this question simply because they’re terrified of losing their partner forever. And I totally understand why you would feel that way. It is something completely foreign, and you know that things aren’t great between the two of you at the moment, so if you were to separate temporarily, who’s to say that your partner would actually come back?
Well, I wanted to write this article for you today to explain why taking a break can actually be an extremely powerful tool that can not only heal your relationship, but set it out on a new path. At the moment, your relationship is experiencing a slew of problems, and your gut is telling you that you need to hit the reset button, but the idea of taking a break sounds like a nicer way of saying “breaking up,” right? Fortunately, you have come to the right place because I want to explain to you why taking a break is one of the healthiest things you can do.
I also want to give you some tips and pointers on how to set the relationship up for success in the future when the two of you come back together. You just have to lay out a new foundation, and I want to teach you how to do that. So without further ado, let’s dive right in!
Depending on who you ask, the answer to this question can be very different. Some people will tell you that taking a break is the worst thing you can do, and some people will tell you that taking a break is actually what will save your relationship. The thing is, it actually all boils down to how you use the time that you are separated. If you take this time and just wallow in self pity on the couch eating ice cream, it’s pretty obvious that nothing is going to change. And if nothing changes, your partner isn’t going to want to come back. The relationship isn’t working right now, so a pause without change means that you would essentially be inviting your partner back into the same relationship that isn’t working. As you can imagine, that is not appealing.
But, on the other hand, if you use this time wisely and make some concrete changes, a separation is actually what can save your relationship. It is what allows you to reevaluate, refocus, and reinvent. This is how you gain perspective on your relationship and set it up for future success. Now, every relationship is unique, so I would like to mention that this time you spend on your own needs to be used to really get a 360-degree view of the entire situation. In some cases, the time and distance will actually allow you to determine whether or not you want to put the pieces back together. That being said, if you’re wondering, “is taking a break in a relationship healthy” I want to give you a couple of things to keep in mind that will help to save your marriage.
But first, because I know you might still be feeling hesitant, I want to give you a few more reasons that a separation can be very good for your relationship. In many cases, a person’s partner is the one who asks for the break, and it comes as an unwelcome surprise. If this has happened to you, then you are most likely experiencing what can most easily be described as panic mode. Your first response might be to try and convince your partner of how much you love them and how you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make this better. You might even take to begging them to stay with you. The truth is that your partner needs the opposite of this right now. It’s a natural, human response, but it is something that can make your partner feel very suffocated and in turn, it can make them pull even further away. It kills attraction.
When you take a break, it can help you to regain your sense of self. In so many cases, a person will lose track of themselves in the relationship because they dedicate so much of their time and energy to their partner and to their relationship. They, in turn, stop dedicating time and energy to their personal life, their professional goals, their personal goals, their friends and family, their passions, and their hobbies. When this happens, a person can start to feel lost in the relationship, and over time, their partner will have a hard time recognizing the person they fell in love with at the beginning of their relationship. This is why we always talk about the importance of becoming the new and improved version of the person your partner fell in love with when you first started dating. I can honestly tell you that this is such a common phenomenon in relationships. It’s dangerously easy to lose track of your sense of self. But, on the flip side, a temporary separation is the perfect way to regain it. When you’re in the thick of a relationship and you’re thinking, “Does taking a break from a relationship work or is it going to ruin everything,” it’s going to be hard to take a step back and see it all clearly. But once you have the physical space and time to think about it, you can start to put yourself first again. It will also help you to really zero in on who you are, what you want, and what you want to change in the relationship.
Taking a break in a relationship is very healthy when you need to create a new, clean slate. Many people start thinking about taking a break in a relationship because they experienced a serious problem, like infidelity, for example. When trust is broken in such a major way, a couple will often need some time and space to recalibrate. I often see couples trying to skip this period of space and try to dive right back into the relationship, without having resolved the trust issues. As you can imagine, this only amplifies the problem because they just continue to brew under the surface. It makes perfect sense that you would want to try to restart the relationship again and recreate that connection and bond, but unfortunately, that doesn’t fix the underlying problem. In order to regain trust in a relationship, it takes time.
“Trust arrives on foot and leaves on horseback.”
In other words, trust is something that takes time to develop and it can be broken in the blink of an eye. For this reason, it is crucial that you two take the time to heal and find solutions to the challenge that your relationship had to overcome. I know that many people struggle with this concept because they fear that they will lose their spouse to someone else if they separate, but if that happens, the harsh truth is that your spouse wasn’t fully invested in you in the first place. In a period like this, you have to stop trying to control the entire situation, and you have to switch your focus to the things that you can personally control. If you’re always fixating on what you can do for the other person, you will lose your sense of self, and it becomes harder to create a healthy, balanced relationship.
Now, there is another thing that I want to tell you about in terms of taking breaks. If you have found yourself wondering, “Is taking a break in a relationship good if we are struggling with setting boundaries,” then the answer is yes. If you and/your significant other have a hard time setting boundaries and maintaining respect in the relationship, something needs to change in the foundation of your relationship. It also goes hand in hand with the concept of finding yourself again. If you’ve lost your sense of self, then it becomes hard to set boundaries and easy for the other person to control you (or vice versa). This is often subconscious, but nevertheless, it’s a problem that I see in many relationships. We actually have a brand new program on healthy communication I highly recommend downloading if you would like to learn some of our most powerful tools for creating healthy and productive communication in your relationship with your significant other. To access it, all you have to do is click here.
Now that we’ve gone over some of the reasons why separation can be very beneficial in a relationship, I want to give you some tools that will save your relationship while you go on a break. The more proactive you can be during this time, the better. As I said above, if you are just going to wallow in self pity or anxiety, you’re only going to make it worse for yourself. Plus, the more active you are, the more tension you will be able to release from your body and mind. That is why I highly recommend getting plenty of exercise during this period. If you are already physically active, then you know how much of an effect it has on a person’s mental health and sense of wellbeing. It can help you to release stress, release more dopamine and endorphins, give yourself more energy… and all of these things will help you to handle this separation in a very productive way.
So, let’s take a look at 4 ways to use separation as a tool to save your marriage.
If you are going on a break in a relationship, your biggest goal needs to be to take the time to zero in on the problem. This goes hand in hand with the concept of self-awareness that I was talking about above. You have to be set aware and really think about what may have caused the issues that you are experiencing in your relationship. Awareness is going to be your best friend right now. Don’t be afraid to do some introspection, don’t be afraid to think about what makes you tick, and don’t be afraid to think about the way in which you interact with in your relationship.
I know that this process can be very difficult because you essentially have to ask yourself very tough questions, but this is a huge part of the solution. If you can’t zero in on the problems, you won’t be able to zero in on the solutions either.
Some of the things you can start thinking about are:
– What exactly caused us to separate?
– Was there one catalyst or multiple factors?
– When did the problem begin?
All of these questions are crucial in order for you to be able to process what happened, heal, and then subsequently reinvent yourself into the new and improved version of yourself.
Another important element of going on a break in a relationship should be to use it as an opportunity to understand where your partner is coming from. It’s really easy to get stuck in your own mind and fixate on your heightened emotions, which inadvertently neglecting your partner’s side. Empathy within a relationship is truly essential. You have to be able to relate to your partner and put yourself in his or her shoes to fully understand the situation. Once again, understanding the situation is what is going to reveal the appropriate solutions to you.
If you don’t do this, it’s going to be really hard to understand what happened AND communicate effectively with your significant other when you come back together.
When you are going on a separation with your partner, it is so important to invest in yourself and take care of your wellbeing. For this reason, I always encourage clients to develop a self care routine. People often lose track of the little things that they used to do for themselves that used to make them happy. Sometimes work takes precedent, or the relationship takes precedent, but in any case, now is the perfect time to bring more self care into your life.
This is the time to make time for your passions and hobbies again; it’s time to do the things that make you happy again. The truth is that it is not possible to make someone happy if you are not making yourself happy as well. You can’t love another person if you do not love yourself.
Go ahead and take some time to write down all the things that you used to love doing before your schedule became so busy with other things, and then take some time to think about what kind of things you’ve always wanted to try. Now is the perfect opportunity for all of this! It can be a creative project, it can be a new form of exercise, it can be a language that you’ve always wanted to learn… The sky’s the limit here!
At the beginning of your relationship, you probably had all kinds of plans and commitments to each other, but I know that life has a tendency of getting in the way of a lot of that. This is perfectly normal, and a lot of people lose sight of the plans they had made when this happens. But when you take some time apart, you are essentially giving yourself that time to be able to revisit those commitments. It gives you the chance to ask yourself what you want for yourself and what you want for this relationship.
Having this time to refocus in reinvent yourself, and maybe reinvent what your plans are is going to serve you. This is one of the best things that you can do for yourself and for your relationship. This way, when you and your significant other come back together, there is a clear and concise view and plan for the future. This will show your partner that you were truly committed to getting back together and that you were thinking in terms of long-term goals for the two of you.
As this article comes to a close, I just want to reiterate my point. Taking a break in a relationship is a great idea IF you use the time apart wisely. It can be an incredible opportunity for positive change and a powerful way to set your relationship up for long term success when you two come back together.
So to summarize, the 4 ways to use this separation to your advantage and to make sure it benefits your relationship are:
1. Analyze the problem
2. Understand your partner’s point of view
3. Develop a self care routine
4. Develop a long term plan.
There are so many solutions available to you, and I want you to know that we are here to help you through this. If you would like to work with me or a member of my team, you can book a one on one coaching session right here. By working with you, we can ask you targeted questions that help us to get a 360 degree view of your specific situation. This enables us to provide you with a custom action plan designed to give you results!
I wish you all the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re wondering, “Is taking a break in a relationship healthy”
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