Trust is a pillar of a healthy relationship and when it’s there, things feel wonderful. But why happens when trust is broken? What happens when one person betrays the other? IS there any way to come back from it or is trust broken for good? It is a delicate topic, but it is a common one nonetheless. Today I wanted to dive into how to overcome trust issues in a relationship so that you can get things back on track. Right off the bat, I want you to know that even if there are trust issues now, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed. It does mean, however, that there is some work to do in regards to laying out a new foundation.
Here at Happily Committed, we specialize in teaching you how to be truly happy in love by giving you all the tips and tools you need to coach yourself at home. I know that at this moment, things might feel daunting and challenging, but I have been a love and relationship expert for many years now so I can confidently tell you what works and what doesn’t. The key to success is being willing to take action, and that is what you are doing right now. You have already gone out of your way to seek out some helpful advice and this shows that you are proactive and are willing to do what it takes.
Overcoming trust issues in a relationship is not something that happens overnight, but you are already one step closer to fixing the problem! With the tools you are about to learn, you will overcome this obstacle as fast as possible.
How to overcome trust issues: Zeroing in on the root of the problem
When I am working with clients who are struggling with trust issues in a relationship, the root of the problem is quite clear. Their partner broke their trust in some way, whether it was through lies, through infidelity, or even through secrets. There was a specific breaking point for the trust and the current emotions can be traced back to this specific catalyst. But for some other clients of mine, the root of the trust issues is harder to pinpoint.
I was recently working with Marianne, who had come to me asking how to resolve trust issues. She could tell that they were causing a rift in her relationship, and she didn’t know what she needed to do to get rid of them. Of course, our work began with zeroing in on the problem. We spent a lot of time analyzing her relationship, the dynamic she had with her boyfriend, what kinds of actions had taken place that made her doubt him… She was telling me about instances when he would come home late and she felt like he was hiding something, moments when she felt like she was catching him in a lie, and times when she felt like he was hiding something. The more we discussed it though, the clearer it became that there was no concrete evidence of him cheating or being deceitful.
So we needed to take a closer look at what was going on here. The deeper we went, the more apparent it was that she was essentially looking for something to go wrong, and it was a defense mechanism. As we began to explore her past, I learned that there had been a pattern of partners who were actually lying to her. Her last boyfriend was actually cheating on her with a colleague and it took her a few months before she found out, and her boyfriend before that had been lying to her about being in touch with his ex (with whom he was trying to get back together). As you can imagine, this all left a lasting mark on her and on a subconscious level, she began to expect and look for the worst in new partners as a way to protect herself from surprise and hurt.
In her current relationship, this was creating nothing but tensions. It was creating problems where there were none, and it was pushing her boyfriend away. This is where the real work began. We needed to start working on overcoming trust issues in the relationship by targeting her deep-rooted insecurities, and that is when we began to see real change in her relationship. We worked on cultivating a sense of self confidence that could dissolve her latent fears that her boyfriend would go out and find someone better. Little by little, the dynamic in the relationship began to change and she was feeling more comfortable with herself, which in turn made her more comfortable with him. I spoke to her a few days ago and she told me that her boyfriend hadn’t been up to no good and in fact, he was more attracted to her now than ever.
So this brings me to my first piece of advice on how to overcome trust issues in a relationship. You have to take some time to really zero on in the root of these emotions. Are they coming from actions that you’ve seen coming from your partner, or do they go deeper than that? The more honest you are with yourself and the clearer the idea you have of the source of this issue, the easier it will be to pinpoint the best solutions. If you don’t know where this is coming from, then you’re just shooting in the dark. So let’s dive deeper…
How to overcome trust issues: The solutions
Something that many people don’t realize is that love and relationships are actually quite hard. We’re taught to think that once you meet your soulmate, everything is just easy and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. We aren’t taught that we are all human beings and each of us has our own set of backgrounds, emotions, wants, needs, shortcomings and challenges.
This means that it takes work! So many people get discouraged when their relationship faces a problem because they worry that it means that their partner is not their soulmate, or they just don’t have the tools they need in order to solve the issue at hand. Truth be told, trust issues are one of the biggest sources of problems in relationships and the person suffering from it often doesn’t even realize that this is the real issue at hand.
Emotions are very complex, and because it can be difficult to manage them, people sometimes end up pushing the ones they love away. This is not what I want for you! Instead, I want to show you how to turn things around.
First and foremost, it’s all about what I was saying above. We need to pay close attention to the root of the problem and identify whether your trust issues are coming from something from your past, or if they are coming from negative behavior from your partner. If you know that your trust issues are stemming from your partner’s negative and/or toxic actions, then it is going to be important to analyze whether this person is making you compromise your values and who you are as a person. For this reason, it will be very important to come from a rational place and not an emotional place. It’s important to make sure that your partner is a person with whom you can build a healthy relationship. In some cases, the issues are surface level and can be changed through teamwork, and in other cases, some partners are toxic. For example, if your partner repeatedly cheats on you and that is why you are experiencing trust issues in your relationship, then this person probably isn’t the right match for you. If, on the other hand, the trust issues are stemming from the past, like they did for Marianna, that’s an entirely different story.
In this case, it is crucial that you take some time to really address the emotions you are experiencing and work through them. If you don’t, then they will surge up in all of your relationships and the result will always be the same: more tensions. If you are struggling with insecurity, I do want to mention that there is a brand new program we have created to help you overcome insecurity once and for all. To access it, all you have to do is click here. In it, you will learn how to make sure that it no longer takes such a big role in your life and you will learn an array of tips and tools that will ensure that it no longer undermines your sense of happiness in your personal life and in your relationship.
The solution here is for you to focus on healthy communication together, and for both individuals to focus on bettering themselves. You can set your own goals and you can work as a team to stay accountable to each other. Trust is built over time! It comes through repetitive actions; not words. If you have read my other articles on rebuilding trust in a relationship, then you know that I like to use the saying, “Trust arrives on foot but leaves on horseback.” In other words, trust takes time to build and it can be broken in the blink of an eye. So when you’re working on reestablishing trust and creating a better foundation in your relationship, you have to bear in mind that it will take time. And there is nothing wrong with this!
The best things in life require time and effort, and that it when it really pays off. The thing is, when you take the time to work through these types of issues in your relationship, it will bring you so much closer together. It shows you where there is work to be done, and then it shows what you are willing to do for one another, AND it shows you how much you care for one another. It truly helps to establish a powerful connection and a safe place in the relationship. When you see what kind of obstacles you’re willing to face and overcome, it makes it so much easier to deal with problems in the future.
How to fix trust issues in a relationship: Creating a positive future
When you’ve taken the time to zero in on where these trust issues in your relationship are coming from, you can start working on long-term solutions. Like I said at the beginning of this article, the solution to issues with trust in a relationship cannot be found overnight. It takes time, patience, and motivation. There is no sugarcoating it – it’s hard! But trust men when I tell you that it is possible.
We are here to help you every step of the way, and that is why we have written so many articles on the subject, and that is why we have posted so much free content about this across our YouTube channels. If you are struggling to pinpoint the solutions to the specific problems your relationship is facing, I encourage you to book a one on one coaching session with me or a member of my team. To do so, all you have to do is click here. I know that each situation is unique and sometimes it feels like you have more questions than answers, but that is why we do what we do.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love!
Your coach when you want to know how to overcome trust issues in a relationship