One of the most daunting things that I see clients dealing with is the prospect of going on a break. Their relationship is very rocky and they know that something desperately needs to change, but they’re scared of taking a break. And I get it!
The concept is very scary because it feels like there are just so many unknowns. What is going to happen during the time that you’re apart? Is there any way to ensure that your partner is going to come back?
I know it’s a lot to think about, but that is why I wanted to write this article for you today. I wanted to share some tips and techniques with you that are going to set you up for success.
When it comes to how to deal with taking a break in a relationship, the biggest thing you need to know is that the key is to use this time wisely. If you and your significant other decide to take a break and all you do is sit around and wait for him or her to come back, chances are that the relationship will fail.
That’s not what you want to hear, I know, but you are in the right place. I am going to go over what specific actions will transform the dynamic of your relationship so that not only will your partner want to come back to you, your relationship will become better than ever before!
I have been a love and relationship coach for many years now and have coached tens of thousands of couples and individuals, and I can confidently tell you what works and what doesn’t. In this case, you might be surprised at how simple the solution actually is… so let’s get started!
How to deal with taking a break in a relationship: using the time wisely
As I began saying, if you take a break in your relationship and you just sit around at home, moping, eating ice cream, and feeling sorry for yourself, you’re going to need a wakeup call. You have to put yourself in your ex’s shoes for a moment.
If you had to take a break from a relationship with a person because something wasn’t working in the relationship and you see that they just sit around, waiting for you to come back, you’re not going to feel super inspired right?
Simply because you would see very clearly that no changes are being made on their end, so they expect you to step back into the same exact relationship that wasn’t working before.
Now, if you were to see that they took the time to analyze what they need to change, and they became proactive, it would change everything. You would see that this person is taking this break seriously and is using it to lay out a new foundation, and this is what it’s all about.
This is why I always tell my clients that the recipe for success when your relationship needs to hit the reset button is becoming the new and improved version of the person your partner fell in love with in the first place.
To illustrate my point, let me tell you about my client Andrew. He came to me last year because he and his wife were on the brink of divorce. They had been together for 12 years and married for 7. They lived together in Orange County in California and had a little girl together.
In the beginning of their relationship, they were so deeply in love, they were doing so many fun things together like taking weekend trips to Mexico and going rock climbing, they were so in synch and life just felt like a dream.
Andrew had a successful tech startup company, his wife opened a dance school, and as time went on, the responsibilities started to pile up. Life has a funny way of doing this.
Little by little, Andrew and his wife started to have less time for each other. Whether it was their businesses or their daughter, the amount of responsibilities had piled up so much that it was just easier for them to neglect the relationship.
Andrew stopped making time for physical fitness, he stopped going out of his way to do little things for his wife that made her feel special, they stopped communicating about issues that were beginning to accumulate… As you can imagine, a disconnect started to form, which then turned into tension. After a few years of this, the relationship was on the brink of divorce.
Fortunately, they both knew that beneath it all, the love was still there. They just needed to take everything apart so that they could put the pieces back together.
So they decided to take a break, and this is when Andrew reached out to me for help. He specifically asked me about what to do during a break in a relationship to ensure that he can put the pieces back together. So our work began.
We have to zero in on all the ways that he had disconnected from his wife over the years, and how he had disconnected from himself over the years! This is such a common thing and it happens to so many people without them realizing it.
We live in a society where we have to deal with so much pressure coming from all sides, so it comes as no surprise that we begin to neglect important elements of our personal lives… But that doesn’t mean that it’s okay. Sometimes, life hits you with an electroshock like this to recalibrate and set you out on a new path.
For this reason, I often tell my clients that a relationship challenge like this is often a huge blessing in disguise. It shines a big bright light on what is not working and it gives you an opportunity to change.
In Andrew’s case, we needed to get him back in touch with the man he used to be at the beginning of their relationship, so that required us to look at all the little things that he had stopped doing over the years.
We identified that he had stopped taking care of himself, so he started to dedicate time to exercise again, we found that he had lost track of his hobbies that used to bring him so much joy, we saw that he spent no time with his close friends anymore because he stopped making time for them…
There were so many things that he had stopped doing that used to contribute to his overall sense of wellbeing, and this had a direct effect on how he behaved within his relationship.
This was the first step. As he started to use the break in his relationship to make positive changes in his personal life, he started to sense a sizable shift in his frame of mind, his energy, and his approach. This carried over into the next phase, as we began to tackle the specific problems of his relationship…
How to get through taking a break in a relationship: Zeroing in on the source of the problem
Once you start to lay out a new foundation in your personal life, you will be able to start laying out a new foundation for this relationship. It’s so important to begin by tackling your personal life because your state of mind is a crucial element at play. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “You can’t fully love another person unless you fully love yourself?” Well, this is very true. Similarly, you can’t properly nurture a relationship if you aren’t feeling properly nurtured. Some people have the tendency to give and give and give, only to find that the relationship doesn’t feel balanced and they are actually unhappy deep down. In other cases, people just get so caught up in their personal lives without realizing it, that they completely disconnect from their partner. By tackling the foundation in your personal life first, you avoid this from happening and it can be a transformative experience for your relationship!
The next part of dealing with a break in a relationship has to do with analyzing the dynamic between you and figuring out what the root of the problem is. In many cases, there are a lot of little problems that are actually just symptoms of a deeper core problem, like lack of communication. Very often, when we identify and tackle the core problem, all of the other issues tend to become resolved.
For this reason, taking a break in a relationship is the perfect time to ask yourself some big questions like,
– What are the main problems we are experiencing?
– When did they start and are they linked to any specific moment?
– What areas have been neglected in the relationship?
– How can you start to reorganize your schedule to include actions that will benefit your relationship?
When you take a close look at a situation like this, you are able to zero in on what isn’t working and what you’re going to do about it. I encourage you to browse through the articles on this website because we have created so much content on different types of issues that couples face in their relationships. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this. We are here to help you every step of the way.
Healing your relationship after going on a break IS possible!
As scary as the concept may be, going on a break in a relationship can be a very positive thing. It is the perfect opportunity for both you and your partner to gain some perspective and make positive changes that will have a powerful impact on the future of your relationship. It is very hard to see things clearly when you are in the thick of it, but if you can give yourself some time and space, things will change. Sometimes you just need a breather in order to recalibrate and set out on a better path, and we are here to help you every step of the way.
If you would like one on one guidance through this process, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team for coaching. All you have to do is click here. We can give you a timeline and concrete solutions to the specific problems that your relationship is facing. Each one is unique, but it is our specialty to provide you with the appropriate tools and techniques that will give you the results you want. We can ask you targeted questions to analyze your situation and give you a tailor-made action plan.
This could be one of the most positive things that your relationship has gone through. It may not feel like that now, but imagine the feeling when you and the one you love come back together. You will have weathered the storm, you both will have worked on yourselves, and you will come together stronger than ever. You just have to use this time wisely.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to deal with taking a break in a relationship