I’ve been working with clients for many years now, many of whom come to me for help with navigating a midlife crisis. Whether it is your significant other that is struggling with this situation, or it is you that have found yourself facing this tumultuous period, I want you to rest assured and know that there are ways to get to the other side of this unscathed. It definitely is something that is hard on you and on those around you, but I am going to share some tips and tools with you in this article that are going to help you to handle this in the most productive way possible.
I know that it’s a scary period and we often associate it with separation and big changes, but there are things that you can do to protect your relationship and even make it stronger.
A midlife crisis for men does not necessarily equal the loss of the life and relationship you two have created thus far; it can be a period of incredible transformation that ends up serving your relationship in the long run.
As we dive into this article, I will first explore how to get through a midlife crisis for men if you’re the one experiencing the crisis. In the second part of this article, I’ll explain how to handle a crisis if your husband or boyfriend is the one experiencing it. So without further ado, let’s take a look!
A midlife crisis for men is usually triggered by ages and changes, whether they’re emotional or physical.
This can be problems or regrets relating to a person’s career and/or personal accomplishments, relationships with loved ones and the maturation of their children (or lack thereof), aging, the loss of a parent, or even the physical changes that are associated by aging.
It usually takes place somewhere between age forty and sixty in a man, and can last anywhere from two to ten years, with the average being three to five. It’s a transition of a person’s identity and self-confidence, which is why this situation needs to be handled delicately and with care.
It’s very easy to make sudden changes that leave longterm consequences that a person can end up regretting for a very long time.
So, the first thing I want to bring your attention to is the fact that the more you resist a transformation, the longer it takes to overcome.
So instead of resisting the changes that you feel you need to make, work on redefining new goals and live out your newfound values without making brash decisions.
Like anything of importance in life, it is worthwhile to take your time with this and make sure that you lay out a proper foundation that will help you to open up a new chapter of your life that feels more gratifying.
When you’re feeling the pressures of a man’s midlife crisis, it comes as no surprise that you would want to do something really quickly that would make things feel different. This is usually when we see the stereotype of a man in a midlife crisis who leaves his family to get a red convertible and a young, hot blonde girlfriend.
So the first piece of advice I have for you when you’re dealing with a midlife crisis in men is to limit sudden, impulsive, life-changing decisions.
Instead, start with making smaller changes that benefit you, like making more time for physical exercise and your passions. Think about what you can do every single day to break the routine in your life. The fresher things begin to feel, the easier it will be to find a sense of peace of mind again.
You don’t necessarily have to turn your life upside down in order to become happy again. Smaller, more consistent changes are going to be the best tools for setting out a proper foundation for your future happiness.
It’s all about doing things today that will ensure that you’re happy in the future. It’s kind of like an investment in your future wellbeing. It’s too easy to do things right now that might feel great in the moment, but they don’t always feel that great later on down the line.
The key right now is to make yourself happy in a way that this crisis doesn’t wreak havoc on your life and damage your sense of wellbeing, today AND in the future. This is how you can protect your life and your relationships from being turned upside down when you’re a man experiencing a midlife crisis.
When a man is experiencing a midlife crisis, it’s crucial to keep in mind that his actions will have an effect on those around him – especially his immediate family. So always make a conscious effort to include your loved ones. Be mindful of how your actions and decisions are impacting the ones you love.
In addition to this, another thing I often remind men in a midlife crisis of is the fact that we need to distinguish selfless behavior from selfish, destructive behavior. Taking care of your wellbeing is very important, so go back and think about why you made certain commitments and choices. Again, remember that there is a difference between short term happiness and long term happiness, so always factor this in when you’re making decisions in a crisis.
One of the best things you can do is to start working towards something greater than yourself. This could be helping a loved one with something that’s important to them, or even doing some volunteer work.
It’s true that all of this can be a bit overwhelming, and I know that each person’s situation is entirely unique, so I do encourage you to reach out to a third party to help navigate this midlife crisis. For help with how to deal with a midlife crisis, whether you’re a middle-aged man or not, you can work with one of us. As a team of love and relationship coaches, we can help transform your life and relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. To work with us, all you have to do is click here!
Midlife crisis in women: How it feels and what you can do about it!
As I was saying in the introduction to this article, I work with a lot of people in this situation; many of whom are in a relationship with someone who is going through a midlife crisis. It can feel even harder for them because they feel completely out of control of the situation and they don’t know what to do to save their relationship.
The easiest thing to do is panic, but it’s also the worst thing you could do. Confidence and wellbeing are attractive to men, and if your partner is going through a crisis and you do the opposite, it can make him pull away even more.
So, my first tip to you is to be very aware of your approach to the situation. Men place high value on freedom and independence, and those tend to be two of the things that feel the most threatened during a man’s midlife crisis. So make sure that you’re being positive, avoid complaining and any drama. When a person is experiencing a crisis, they’ll want to get as far away from those types of emotions as they can.
Instead, develop your ability to relate and empathize. Create a safe place in your relationship to communicate, and don’t attack him, judge, or talk badly about others. Because tensions will be running high when men are having a midlife crisis, be careful not to say hurtful things when arguing.
Think about nonverbal messages and intimacy without words. You can mirror his body language, make eye contact, and focus on positive body language. For example, avoid crossing your arms or staring at the floor when you’re talking to him. Be open and receptive to him. Make sure you build him up and be there for him when he searches.
Otherwise, make sure that you are focusing on making your own life fulfilling so that you develop an even stronger sense of wellbeing, while making sure that you’re living a life that he would want to be a part of. Moreover, the less you’re around him, the easier it will be for him to miss you and crave your presence.
One of the biggest favors you can do for yourself is to accept your husband or your boyfriend for who he is, and not be constantly disappointed because he is not who you want him to be. So build him up and practice patience and acceptance. This process is going to take some time so it is also up to you to make little changes to help break the routine.
Now is the perfect time to surprise him and spice up the relationship! Get new lingerie and come up with exciting new things to try together, and fun new places to explore together. A man in a midlife crisis will be craving freshness, and you can provide him with this.
Midlife crisis at 30: The signs you’re having one & what to do about it!
As I explained, this is a tough period for everyone involved, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.
If you’re a man and you’re struggling with a midlife crisis at the moment, you’re going to need to focus on cultivating a newfound sense of wellbeing by defining new goals and patterns, being careful to avoid making brash decisions that you could end up regretting later on, doing some introspection to analyze why you’ve made the choices and commitments that you’ve made in your life, and start laying out a foundation for a happier future.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling with a midlife crisis, I encourage you to pay attention to how you can be supportive without suffocating him. Create a space in which he feels supported and confident, and make sure that you cultivate your own life as well. Creating a balance that feels good for both of you will be a huge help in this situation.
As I mentioned, we are here to help you every step of the way. We’ve got special products specifically designed to help you boost the attraction between you, especially when your partner’s behavior is making you feel insecure in your relationship. To access these products, all you have to do is click the links. I highly recommend reaching out for one on one guidance and we can help define a custom action plan that will transform your relationship in a meaningful way. Join the Happily Committed Project and let us help you pave the way to a beautiful future with the person you love!
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
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Late 2015, I was excited that my son’s father and I had finally decided to get married. Nothing big just the two of us and our little guy. The three of us picked up our marriage license and we were looking forward to the future. As most brides to be, I was hit with the wedding bug and want a nice yet simple dress and I picked a modest ring with blue diamonds. I liked it. However, when I attempted to include him and ask his opinion he replied “Get whatever cheap S#$%!” Shocked and devastated I called off the wedding. The months that followed were tough as I felt unappreciated and undervalued. We weren’t communicating and I often retreated to my room to be alone. Then in September 2016, his ex-friend appeared and they had a secret affair that lasted a few weeks. He even had a secret phone that they used to communicate. When I found out he lied about everything. The weeks that followed I would discover that he accommodated her at his work place and even discussed his affair with colleagues to secure an alibi. Since then it has been ongoing fighting. Both verbal and physical. He wants to work it out, but I’m done. We currently live together and I know he will make my life hell if I leave, but I can no longer subject myself or our son to this toxic environment. It’s been 3 years since then and I can not see past his indiscretion. There is absolutely no trust. I guess the point I am sharing my story is to hopefully help someone to never put themself in this situation. Good luck to you couples who find there way back to each other.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is often a great challenge to step out of a toxic relationship, but life opens up so many doors when you do. We are happy to have you in our community here at Happily Committed, and applaud your strength of character. If you need support in any way during this period, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I would recommend opening up to a trusted family member or your closest friends as you exit this relationship. Let them be there for you and offer you love and support as you move forward in your life. Wishing you all the very best.
Thank you for this share. It makes a lot of sense to me with what I am suddenly embarking. I am married to a man who has after 27+ years asked me for a long term separation. It went to that from asking for a few days away to clear his mind and seeing if he can find his way back to me and our family. This after having had a couple of major incidents within our family, but in between it all, we have been blessed & fortunate to have had one of the greatest years/summers (so i thought) as a couple, in spite of a pandemic. He checks off al the boxes of going through a mid-life crisis. Four weeks after our initial conversation, he has moved out, leased a new apartment (in a poshy and luxury apartment) and has told my boys and me that he needs this time apart to work on our marriage. All excuses. On social media, which i have blocked now because it has been mentally & emotionally affected me, he has been living it up. It is so painful to see. He left behind two sons. Thankfully they are older; one is 26 who moved back in during COVID and more painfully, a 17 year old that needs his dad more than ever as he navigates his freshman year in college and has recently had his first heartbreak. I keep reading articles and posts similar to yours; “stand back”, “be patient”, “don’t argue or demand”, “be kinder” , etc. But how does someone like me sit on the sidelines, while yes, I am trying to focus on myself and my goals and my sons. But how is that fair? It is not, and i know that you agree. Thing is that i am at a point where i want to tell him we should just get divorced. I don’t even think he realizes he may be going through a mid-life crisis. He has not reached out to the very (and I mean very) few wise men in his life. Not even his best friend who is the most loving, non-judgemental and wise man in his life. My guess is that he is ashamed and embarrassed to even mention what he has done to me and his kids in the last month. But still, how can one get someone to admit that they are self sobotaging and need to seek help? I am at the end of my rope. There is no contact with him because he tells me my texts and emails of professing my love and pleading with him to stay and work through things and maybe seek counseling together… STRESS and OVERWHELM him. So he doesn’t reach me at all. Barely sees his sons. And I learned from my teen last night that his dad doesn’t really pick up the phone to call him. Instead he texts him. I can see my own kid is spiraling downward as i am. I offered him therapy, since i now see one regularly through this, but my son seems like he has shut down and tells me, “I’ll be fine. I am focused on my education and my music mom. I don’t want to deal with Dad right now or what we are going through”. And that breaks my heart because that is not who my child is. He is just hurting probably as much as I am. When is enough a enough during a mid-life crisis?
Hi all, I know this is a forum about men who have this midlife “transition”. I am a husband who’s wife is going through a midlife crisis and now is asking me for a divorce. We are married 16 years with two beautiful young children. Our marriage hasn’t been the best but not the worst for the past few years. She wants to move the another apartment next to our current building so we can actively co-parent our kids. She apologizes for hurting me but it is something she must do so she can be free and experience how it is to be single again. I am devastated as this came as a shock to me. I have tried everything with no success but my time still married to her is closing fast. I am at my wits end as I do not know how to save this marriage from being destroyed.