I was talking to one of my clients, Reina, today about toxic relationships. She’s in a tough situation because she’s in a relationship that is showing the signs of being toxic… A lot of people come to me for help with this type of thing because they don’t know if they should try to heal the relationship or exit it.
A lot of them aren’t even sure if the relationship can be helped, but that is where we come in.
As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts that are specialized in helping people achieve true happiness in their love lives, we’ve been able to identify the most common indicators of relationships that are toxic, so I’ve decided to write this article on this topic today.
So if you’re wondering, “What is a toxic relationship,” you’ve come to the right place!
Unfortunately, these types of relationships are not that uncommon, but the best way to guard against them is to know what signs to keep an eye out for. By being aware of these things, you’ll be able to analyze your situation and have a much better idea of how to proceed.
We are here to help you every step of the way so if you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section at the bottom on this article!
The fact that you have gone out of your way to seek out information on what a toxic relationship is shows that you’re willing to take matters into your own hands. You aren’t just going to sit around at home with your suspicions, waiting for things to get fixed on their own.
Something isn’t sitting right with you, and you know that you’re willing to go out of your way to analyze the situation, so I salute you. A lot of people prefer to live in denial or turn a blind eye when something doesn’t feel right, instead of seeking out information that could help them.
Reina is one of these people, too. She was in an eight year relationship with a man that she called “the love of her life.” However, her relationship was very, very toxic and things were getting worse as the years went on.
The “love of her life” would verbally abuse her, gaslight her, and he would even try to make her believe that she was crazy. He’d tell her that she was worthless and that she was nothing.
Despite all of these things, she was glued to the relationship. She felt that the love was still there deep down, and after being together for such a long time, she couldn’t just throw it all in the trash. She was so glued to this relationship that her identity was deeply rooted in his love for her.
Whenever he made her feel worthless, she was convinced that it was because she was. With time, she started to suspect that this is what a toxic relationship feels like and that something was wrong.
Reina originally reached out to me for help because she wanted to relationship to keep going – she just wanted to change it. However, when she shared with me what was going on, and shared the extent of the toxicity, I told her something I don’t like to tell clients – that I cannot help her to stay with this man.
I can, however, help her to heal and move forward in a dignified way so that she can find a healthy relationship with someone that does not exhibit any toxic behavior.
When this situations arise, a lot of people might wonder how they wound up in a toxic relationship…
Interestingly enough, I’ve noticed a pattern in situations where a person feels stuck in a relationship with a toxic person. More often than not, toxic relationships actually have to do with adrenaline. Couples that have intense highs and lows can get into a cycle that causes a rush that can become addictive.
There will be explosive fights or destructive behavior that is then followed by passionate makeups, and as a result, a person can start to crave the emotions that wash over them during those moments of resolution. The problem is that in these situations, toxicity is being confused with passion.
So it’s very important to learn to steer clear of a bad relationship and protect your own well being.
That being said, let’s take a look at what a toxic relationship is and how you can tell.
If you can identify the actual signs of toxicity in the relationship, you can get a better idea of whether or not it is a good idea to stay in this relationship. If by the end of this list, you are still unsure, I encourage you to reach out to me or a member of my team and we can help you navigate this challenging period.
When you know you know, but it’s true that it can be tricky getting to the point where you’re 100% sure.
So let’s take a look at how to tell if you’re in something toxic.
Rebuilding trust in a relationship after it has been broken: Everything you need to know!
You or your partner has been exhibiting a lack of moral or ethical principals. One person consistently does things that benefits themselves, at the expense of their significant other. It’s also important to keep in mind that boundaries should be respected by both people in the relationship.
If they aren’t, things can become toxic very fast.
This includes violating or threatening the other person’s privacy and independence, or speaking to your partner in a way that threatens their sense of self esteem or safety!
Another indicator of toxicity is when it feels like all the love and all the compromise always comes from one person. If it’s you, you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and yet you’re always being blamed for everything.
It makes it hard to speak up and you end up feeling afraid to be yourself or stand up for yourself, because you know your partner is going to react negatively and it’ll only cause more problems. As a result, you start to feel smaller and smaller.
When you’re asking “What is a toxic relationship and am I in one,” another thing to keep in mind is how much privacy two two of you are giving each other.
This goes hand in hand with the concept of boundaries. If one person is trying to control the other, how they spend their time and who they spend it with, it’s another sign of relationship problems that are toxic.
If one person has expressed that they are being hurt by the other person’s actions and the other person continues to ignore it, you are seeing a sign of a toxic relationship. This can be verbal or physical abuse.
You must also pay attention to whether or not you two are always threatening to leave each other, because this falls into the territory of toxicity as well. A healthy relationship is one in which both people build each other up and help each other to feel fulfilled and genuinely happy.
A lot of people forget that it only takes one person to make a relationship toxic.
So I encourage you to take some time to do some introspection and really analyze what exactly doesn’t feel right about this relationship. Do you not feel like the relationship is stable enough to handle honesty in terms of what you need? Is one of you always threatening to leave? Does your partner constantly make you feel worse about yourself or vice versa?
Is it possible that you’re blaming your partner for unresolved emotional trauma or the fact that you aren’t where you want to be in your life at this moment?
It’s crucial that you gain perspective, are honest with yourself and that you seek help if you need it. As I said above, we are here to help guide you every step of the way and all you have to do is reach out. Join the Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship or move forward in a dignified and meaningful way.
We’ve worked with thousands of individuals in these types of situations who were wondering, “Am I in a toxic relationship? Can I fix my relationship or should I move forward towards something else?” To give you an idea, here are some of our most recent testimonials:
Thank you so much for your time yesterday evening! I have been really thinking about what I need to do going forward, and your advice will definitely help. Your team is awesome, and your expertise is invaluable! Again, thank you and keep helping people like me “fight the good fight” around the world! Sincerely,
-Erika
Your advice is more mature and thought-out than most of the relationship coaches I have seen and listened to. You are just more experienced than many others and I have personally found your insights to be GOLD. It is evident that you speak from experience. I love the way you encourage deeper patience and more self-reflection. wanted simply to tell you how much I have gained. Thank you so much, with much gratitude
-Brady
I just wanted to write to you and thank you for all your advice and for having been an absolute rock for me during a very difficult time. I couldn’t thank you enough for your wise words and positive affirmations. What a team!
-Sophie
Now, as this article comes to an end, I want to reassure you that you are not stuck in this situation. Even if you have recognized that you are in a relationship that is toxic, you do not need to stay in it. If you’re struggling with moving on, I wanted to share our specially designed product to help you exit with ease and peace of mind. To summarize, here are the points to keep in mind:
• A lack of moral or ethical principles
• You feel like you are walking on eggshells yet you’re always being blamed
• All the love and compromise comes from you
• You are afraid to speak out or to be yourself
• Physical or verbal abuse
• You have no privacy and your partner is dictating how to spend your time and with whom (or vice versa)
• Being cut off from the people you love
• Negative impact on your sense of self love and self respect
If you have come to understand that you need to leave this toxic relationship, you can write your partner a letter. If they really care about you, they will let you go and no longer hold you back. If they don’t give you the space you need, you just don’t answer and protect your dignity.
Another option is to talk to them and prepare your speech in the mirror beforehand. You can coach yourself (or we can coach you) and practice what you want to say. Just remember that this talk shouldn’t be more than thirty minutes. This way, you protect yourself against running the risk of changing your mind about leaving, because it is hard to leave any relationship – toxic or not.
Make sure you incorporate a good support system. Tell your friends and family that you’re going to leave so that they can be there for you.
You are taking control of your happiness, so you are already on the right path!
I sincerely wish you the best of luck in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to navigate a toxic situation,
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