The topic of rebuilding trust in a relationship is one of the most important things we can talk about. Trust is the foundation of a healthy, long lasting relationship and without it, your bond is going to crumble. I work with many people every single day who come to me for help with repairing trust in their relationship. Many of them were faced with infidelity, lies, betrayal, and many other different types of disappointments.
Reestablishing trust between you and the person you love is not something to be neglected. In fact, the longer amount of time you spend not trusting your significant other, the harder it is going to be to rebuild that trust.
That is why wanted to write this article on how to rebuild trust in love and relationships so that you can restore the bond between you and the person that you have chosen to be with. Once trust is restored, your relationship can actually become stronger than ever, so let’s take a look at what to do!
Rebuilding trust in a relationship: YES it is possible
Trust is so valuable in a relationship because it needs to be built. If you have read my other articles on this topic, then you have probably heard me use an expression that always comes to mind:
“Trust arrives on foot but leaves on horseback.”
In other words, building trust can take a very long time, but breaking trust can happen in instant. Once trust is broken, it will take time to build it back up. In some cases, it will actually take longer to build back up than it took to build it in the first place.
But here’s what I want you to keep in mind: it IS possible to rebuild trust after it has been broken. It is just going to depend on what you are willing to do.
I can tell you right now that rebuilding trust in the relationship after lying or cheating is not going to happen overnight, and it most certainly is not going to happen if you stay seated on the couch with your arms crossed.
Rebuilding trust in a relationship requires patience, forgiveness, and actions. Fortunately, you have found this article on how to heal after trust was broken, and by the time you get to the end you will have a much better understanding of how to proceed.
When trust is lost, I know that it can feel very discouraging and overwhelming, especially when it feels like you can’t stop thinking about what happened between you and your significant other.
The importance of mindset when rebuilding trust
When it comes to healing trust in a relationship, don’t ever underestimate the importance of mindset. Like I said, if you’re going to sit back and wait around for things to change, they won’t. Similarly, if you tell yourself that rebuilding trust in the relationship is impossible and that all hope is lost, then things will not improve either.
Even the best books on rebuilding trust in the relationship will tell you that the way you approach the situation will have a sizable effect on the outcome.
I recently worked with a man named Michael. He is a very successful tech startup entrepreneur in his mid 30s. The first thing he said to me when he called was, “My wife absolutely hates my guts and if you can make her love me again, you’re a genius!”
His wife thought that he was cheating on her with a colleague, because he had broken her trust in the past by doing the same thing.
He had not been unfaithful to her for a very long time, but the fact that they never successfully rebuilt the trust in their relationship was giving rise to serious problems. His wife had become extremely vulnerable and insecure because of how he had hurt her in the past, and she was now threatening to file for divorce.
Michael didn’t know what to do to rebuild trust in their relationship or how to make her love him again. The emotional baggage that his wife was carrying as a result of his past negative behavior had completely eroded all of the trust and goodwill they had built over the years in their marriage.
He had quite a bit of issues that stemmed from his childhood and needed to work on some destructive patterns, but he was extremely resilient and was committed to doing whatever it took to keep his family in tact and restore his wife’s trust in him so that their love could flourish once again.
We worked together for a few months, he took responsibility for his past negative behaviors, and they’ve been able to build a solid common life project.
I am happy to say that today, Michael, Lisa, and their three children are happier than ever before.
So no matter how bad things might seem right now, I want you to rest assured that it is entirely possible to rebuild trust in your relationship and work through this challenging period. It’s all about being motivated to save this relationship and reinforce your bond with your significant other!
The most important steps to rebuilding trust in a relationship
When you want to know how to repair trust in a relationship with someone you love, there are a few important elements to take into consideration. I’ve gone over a few of them already, like making sure that you are willing to be patient and make an effort to create change, but let’s take a look at some more ways to rebuild the trust.
How to rebuild trust: Humility
If trust needs to be rebuilt in the relationship, it means that something happened that broke it. Perhaps it is one specific shock that the relationship endured like infidelity, or perhaps it’s an accumulation of behaviors that eroded away at one person’s trust of the other.
This means that one or both of you will need to take responsibility for the actions or behavior that lead to the damaged trust between you. Sometimes the issue that took place is not blatantly obvious and will require a fair amount of reflection before you can pinpoint what exactly went wrong.
This is why communication is so important between a boyfriend and girlfriend, husband or wife. If there is something that warrants an apology, the person responsible needs to be able to offer a sincere apology. Keep in mind that actions always speak louder than words, so when you want to restore trust with someone, you will need to apologize for any mistakes, but the most important thing will be that you start making concrete changes that will prove to your significant other that the issues will not come back in the future. It is very important for the person who got hurt to feel that the person responsible for damaging the trust is making an effort to change things.
How to trust someone again or get them to trust you: Time
I will reiterate this point because it is so important. Time is necessary when it comes to rebuilding trust in a relationship.
If you did something that made your partner distrust you, give them time. Once you’ve apologized, focus on concrete actions that show him or her that you’re serious about change. Don’t beg and plead for forgiveness, and make sure that you don’t inadvertently suffocate them. Don’t make it about you – remember that they need time to heal and trust the relationship again.
If your partner broke your trust, commit to forgiving them every single day. It is a choice to forgive and if you’re going to save the relationship, you really have to commit to this decision.
Don’t give repairing trust a timeline. There is no sense in thinking, “Ok, if my partner hasn’t forgiven me in three weeks then this is all over,” or, “If I can’t get over this in a month then we aren’t meant to be.”
Love and trust take time, so be patient with the process.
Communicate when you want to rebuild the trust in your relationship
One of the biggest tips on rebuilding trust in a relationship I can give you is on the importance of prioritizing communication. Like I said above, it’s crucial that you zero on in on the root of the problem.
This can be applied to successfully rebuilding trust after lying, after cheating, or any other type of issue that you may have experienced.
Don’t be unwilling to talk about how to fix the situation, even if you’re tired of discussing it. If your partner has questions about the moment the trust broke, you have to be willing to be transparent.
The openness will soothe your partner and help them to start trusting you again because they see that you are not withholding information.
Rebuild the trust in your relationship through listening
I wanted to highlight this simple yet powerful concept because many people don’t realize that they aren’t hearing their partner out.
When a person is being told that something they did hurt someone, it is natural for them to want to try to explain themselves and make sure that they are clear about why they did what they did. They often forget to let the person who got hurt feel heard, so that they can work together to find longterm solutions to the problem.
When it comes to how to repair someone’s trust in you, it’s very helpful to check in with yourself and ask yourself if you’re allowing your partner to be heard. Oftentimes, the criticism you receive in a vulnerable situation will serve as a powerful tool that helps you pinpoint what changes can be made to ensure a much happier future!
How to repair trust in your relationship after it was broken: Recap
As this article on rebuilding trust in a relationship comes to a close, I’d like to give you a quick recap of what you can start doing right now.
When trust is broken, you need to give yourselves time to heal the wounds that this situation has created, and you’ve got to work as a team to find concrete, longterm solutions that you can begin implementing in your day to day life.
Responsibility for the issues at hand need to be taken, and whoever is responsible will have to apologize. Seek insights into what you partner needs from you and what you need from your partner, showcase your change and make a new promise to each other through action.
If your partner is the one who broke or damaged the trust in this relationship, commit to forgiving them every single day.
Be transparent with one another and communicate in a way that helps you to understand and define solutions. Don’t give repairing trust a timeline because repairing trust takes time.
I know that each situation is entirely unique, so if you have specific questions about what you’re experiencing, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Join the Happily Committed Project and let us help you transform your relationship in a meaningful way so that you can grant yourselves access to long-term happiness in love!
Wishing you all the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to fix trust in a relationship