Moving In together is a big step in any relationship. It means that things between you and your significant other are becoming very serious. When you move in together, it means that you are really started to build something together, so it’s not something that should be done without taking the time to really think about it.
There are a couple of very important things to take into consideration when you’re thinking about moving in together, so I wanted to write this article on what you can do to ensure that you are setting yourselves up for success. The process can actually be quite challenging at times and it can place a lot of stress on a relationship, but if you know how to navigate these waters, you’ll be able to anticipate issues, diffuse them easily, and protect your relationship with the one you love!
So without further ado, let’s dive right in!
Moving in together for the right reasons
I’ve worked a lot with people whose relationships started to struggle when they moved in together. One of these clients is João, who has been living in the states for about six years. He was in a relationship with his girlfriend, Cara, for about a year and a half before they decided to move in together. The thing is, João and Cara were struggling in their relationship because they were already fighting all the time. They thought that perhaps if they were to move in together, maybe they’d be able to smooth things over. They wanted to give themselves and exciting project to look forward to as a couple, but they were using this apartment they were going to share as a bandaid that they thought was going to fix all their problems.
They also were looking at it as a safety net that would protect their relationship and keep them together… but I can tell you right now that that’s not quite not it works if you want to set yourself up for success.
If you’re going to move in together, it should be because you’re trying to evolve your relationship and move it forward; not because you’re already fighting like cats and dogs and are hoping that living together is just going to fix it.
You’ve got to establish a solid foundation in your relationship before you start living together, and when you start living together, there are certain things to keep in mind that are going to help you to continue to strengthen your relationship.
At the moment, João and Cara are working on improving their communication skills so that they can begin to restore the foundation of their relationship, which will in turn make living together that much more gratifying. If you’d like to know more about how to improve communication in your relationship so that you can pave the way towards a deeply fulfilling relationship with the one you love, I encourage you to read this article on communication in a relationship!
Moving in together checklist for success!
Whether you are moving into your partner’s space, they’re moving into yours, or you both are moving into a new space, there are various elements that are going to help make things feel really good for both of you. There are some questions to ask before moving in together, and there are some conversations that are important to have. In addition to that, there are certain things that you two can start to do when you begin living together that are going to make you much happier together!
It’s really easy to skim over some important details when you’re moving in with your significant other, so let’s take a look at all the things to keep in mind.
Cohabatiting: Making a space where you both feel at home
For many people, problems arise when they move into the place where their partner has already been living. It can be challenging for them to feel like the space is theirs as well, and their partner might not realize that they can make an effort to make them feel more at home.
There is always a little period of settling in, so I encourage you to make an effort to make sure you BOTH feel at home – especially in the beginning when patterns are being set!
Something that can help with this is moving the existing furniture around so that it feels like a new space for both of you. Do this together and make the space feel fresh! You two can also switch up the decorations in your space. Add some new frames to the walls, and hang photos of both of you up. The more you both feel present in the space, the easier it is to truly feel at home.
It’s really important for us to feel like we have our own space, so keep thinking about what little things would make your partner feel like they have a presence in the home you share, and they should do the same for you.
When you’re living together, it’s also a good idea to carve out a small space in the apartment or the house for each of you. If your boyfriend happens to love illustrating, set up a desk for him somewhere in the house where he can go and focus on his hobby and put some of his favorite things. If your girlfriend is a writer, create a home office for her. You guys can use space in the garage, a spare room, or even just put a desk in the living room. One of the most important things to know when moving in together is that gestures like this can make a huge difference in the way a person feels in their home! So don’t neglect these little details.
Moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend: Don’t bite off more than you can chew
If you’re going to start living together, it’s going to be important to establish a lifestyle with your significant other that you both can commit to. This means that you’ll need to be transparent with each other regarding your finances.
This doesn’t mean that you need to hand over your bank account information to one another, but you do need to let your partner know what monetary contribution they can expect from you, and you need to know what kind of monetary contribution you can expect from them.
So when you’re moving in together, be careful to avoid opting for something that you know you cannot afford, or something that you know you’re going to have to pay the majority of (unless you’re completely fine with that). Make sure you discuss rent and who’s going to be paying what. Some people make the mistake of assuming that they don’t need to pay rent at their partner’s place, or that their partner will be paying rent when they actually aren’t expecting to have to pay rent… As you can imagine, things can get messy. But if you have open and honest conversations about it, you can avoid a great deal of discomfort in the relationship.
Things to do when you move in with someone: Be patient
As I began saying above, moving in together is going to require an adjustment period, so make sure that you’re both patient with it. There will be little kinks to iron out here and there, but if you go into it with the mindset of knowing that this is just a normal part of the process, it’s going to be significantly easier.
Moving in with your girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t always going to be like it is in the movies where you paint the walls in your overalls and live happily ever after.
When you begin to cohabitate with someone, it can definitely be hard. You’re going to be spending a lot of intimate time together, so be mindful of this joined space. You’re going to have a lot less alone time so be aware of the fact that it’s going to require an adjustment period as well.
Moving in: Make time for life outside as well
It’s true that when you move in with someone, it’s very easy to get super excited about everything and want to spend every moment together in your new home. I want to warn you that though this might feel great at first, it does put you at risk for falling into a routine that one or both of you can start to get sick of or feel suffocated by.
When you’re moving in together, that’s why it’s so important that you have individual things to do outside of the house. This way, both you AND your partner can sometimes enjoy the home alone, and what’s more, if you make sure that you do things separately, you’ll have that much more to share and talk about when you’re back in the same place again. So maybe that means that you play soccer on Saturday mornings or your partner has “boys night” once a week. The way, both of you can have some “you time” and rest on your own in your new home.
At the end of the day, living with the person you love can bring so much joy into your life. You just need to set yourself up for success by making sure that you choose to move in with this person for the right reasons, and that you’re going to be able to have honest conversations about important elements like finances and how what you can count on from one another.
Make sure that you both go out of your way to create a space that feels welcoming and like home for both of you, by making sure that you make your space feel like it belongs to both of you equally. Be mindful of having space for both of your things, decorating for both of you, and finding areas in the house for both of your needs.
Don’t bite off more than you can chew, and establish a life together that both of you can commit to. Make sure you’re patient, and you’ll see that little by little, your relationship will evolve and your bond will deepen.
If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to respond to you. We are also here to guide you from A to Z, so join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way so that you both can pave the way to longterm happiness. I also encourage you to check out our new products on attraction and overcoming insecurity in relationships to make sure that yours can thrive!
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love
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