When things start to fall apart in a marriage it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. This is especially true when it feels like you’re the one doing all the heavy lifting. We have a lot of clients reach out to us for help with fixing a marriage because we are trained to analyze problems and create solutions.
People often forget that marriage is a relationship; not a project to complete or a problem to solve. Unfortunately, people also often forget that marriage is a two-way road and that it shouldn’t be the responsibility of just one person to preserve and reinforce it.
Now, even if it seems that you’re the only one trying right now, I want you to rest assured that fixing your marriage IS possible. There are some tools and techniques that must come into play. It’s going to take time and effort, but it will be worth it when you and the one you love and are happily back in each other’s arms.
How to fix a marriage: The keys
As this is going to be a shorter article, let’s dive right in. The first tip I have for you is fostering a sense of empathy. The power of empathy, or putting yourself in your partner’s shoes in other words, is often underrated.
It helps you to understand what makes your partner tick, what he or she needs in order to feel fulfilled and loved, how to anticipate things so that you can effortlessly avoid arguments, and it helps you to become much closer as a couple.
It goes hand in hand with communication, which is another one of the biggest pillars of a healthy relationship. Neither person can read minds so it is up to both of you to work on talking to each other when there is an issue at hand. For more in-depth advice on how to communicate in a relationship, I encourage you to read this article!
It’s true, one of the most sincere forms of respect in a marriage is actually listening to what the other person has to say. I do want to mention, however, that it’s important to avoid confusing communication with neediness, which is one of the biggest relationship killers.
It’s normal that you might want to speak with your spouse often and frequently ask them if they’re happy but many times you’re only asking questions like this to ease your own anxiety. Instead of doing this, challenge yourself to be action-oriented and work on making changes that will benefit your relationship.
Be careful because if your partner starts to find you needy, it can cause them to lose attraction to you and the relationship.
Fixing your marriage on your own by being open to criticism
I know, no one likes criticism, but it’s one of the biggest tools we have when it comes to fixing your marriage! Think about it this way: Your partner’s criticisms about your behavior provide you with the clearest clue to his or her primary love language.
This means that if you can really listen to what your partner is saying, you will learn what they need in order to be happy.
So make sure your partner feels heard and understood, even if it means you have to take a bit of criticism. By accepting their frustration, you can determine the ways in which you can fix it and ease their frustration and consequently save your relationship.
One of the best keys to healthy communication is the “reflective listening” technique. It is essentially the act of repeating back to your partner, in your own words, what they have just said. The idea is that you first check to see if you’ve understood them correctly, and help them to realize that you ARE listening.
All human beings have a need to feel accepted and appreciated, and fixing a marriage is rooted in this concept. When dealing with human beings, we have to remember that we are dealing with creatures of emotions; not creatures of logic.
It doesn’t matter how independent, confident, or self-sufficient a person might be. If they feel misunderstood or taken for granted, it will damage the relationship.
So if you feel that in order to save this marriage, your spouse has to change too (which is usually the case), then you have to be the example for that change. Lead by example! Show your significant other that change IS possible. If they can see a change in you then you can inspire genuine change in them, too.
Fixing your marriage on your own with these steps
As this article comes to a close, I want to give you some key points on what kind of actions will have a positive impact on the situation at hand.
Remember, when it comes to fixing your marriage, consistency is credibility. You can’t just change for a week or two and then go back the making the same mistakes as before, and expect your spouse to take you seriously.
So, when you want to fix a marriage and reconnect with your partner, talk in terms of his or her interest. This is the fast track to their heart. If you show a genuine interest in the things your partner values most, they will feel valued and will value you in return.
Then, make sure you make your partner feel important. I touched on this above, but I want to reiterate how important this is! Do this sincerely and allow your partner to talk about themselves.
Show them that you have things in common and that you care about the things that they care about. We like people who are similar to us so show your spouse how similar you actually are.
I know that there are so many factors that make your situation unique, so if you would like to dive even deeper into how to repair your marriage, I highly recommend getting in contact with me or a member of my team by clicking right here. Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your marriage in a meaningful and dignified way.
We can offer you tailor-made advice that will get your marriage back on track sooner than you thought possible. You can also access our YouTube Channel where we have created hundreds of videos to help you coach yourself through any curveball that love throws your way.
I sincerely wish you all the best,
Your coach when you want to know how to fix a marriage,