Building trust in a relationship is one of the most important things a couple can do. A lack of trust can cause a wide variety of problems and can ultimately pull you and your significant other in opposite directions.
However, if you’re able to figure out how to navigate through these types of situations and really learn how to build trust in a relationship, you can protect your bond and make this relationship have no trouble withstanding the test of time!
In today’s article, I want to give you some pointers on how to build trust in a relationship, but also on how to rebuild it once it has been broken. It’s a very common theme that many people struggle with, so I feel that it merits its very own article!
Establishing and protecting the trust in your relationship will help you and your partner to operate as a team, and this will make it much easier to overcome any challenge that life throws your way.
Relationships will all have highs and lows, and if you trust each other and know that you’ll work together to overcome everything, you will establish a relationship that is resilient and long-lasting. So let’s dive in and look at how to build trust with the one you love!
The importance of understanding how to build trust
It’s crucial to have a sense of how much you trust your partner and how much they trust you, because as I said in the introduction to this article, this is what is going to help you develop a solid foundation in your relationship that will help it to remain strong.
When there is a lack of trust or when trust is broken, a sense of insecurity, instability, and resentment can develop. This is often when we see people start to develop suspicions, tensions can start to arise, and simple issues can turn into big problems.
I recently worked with a man on how to build trust in a relationship again. He came to me for help because his wife had lost trust in him and the marriage was starting to crumble apart in his hands.
Michael is an extremely successful tech star-up entrepreneur in his mid thirties. When he reached out to me the first thing he said was, “My wife hates me and won’t even look me in the eye because she thinks I cheated on her. I need to figure out how to build trust in a relationship after cheating because I think I’m about the lose the love of my life for something that happened a long time ago.”
He had been unfaithful in the past and that is where the trust issues where stemming from. His wife had become extremely vulnerable and insecure as a result. She had been threatening to file for divorce for months and he didn’t know what to do rebuild trust and to make her love him again.
Despite the fact that Michael had not cheated on his wife with one of his staff members this time around, the emotional baggage and past negative behavior had completely eroded all the trust and goodwill that had been built over years in their marriage.
I remember him saying, “Adrian, if you can make her love me again, you’re a genius and I’ll be forever grateful.” He had a lot of childhood issues and destructive negative behaviors that he needed to work on, but he was extremely resilient and absolutely committed to doing whatever it took to keep his family together and to make his wife fall in love with him all over again.
We worked together over a period of a few months, he took ownership of his past negative behaviors and they’ve rebuild a solid common life project. Michael, Lisa and their 3 children are now happier than they’ve ever been.
I bring this up because it’s important to note that though trust can be rebuilt, it’s always easier to build and establish trust before something happens that breaks it. In other words, it’s a lot harder to put the pieces back together after a shock than to build the type of trust that guards your relationship against crises.
There’s a saying that always springs to mind when I’m talking about how to build trust in a relationship:
Trust arrives on foot, but leaves on horseback.
This basically means that it takes while to establish, but it can be broken in the blink of an eye! So let’s start by looking at how to build trust in a relationship and lay out the proper foundation.
Trust: How to build it with the one you love
The thing we need to keep in mind is that trust is a pillar of a loving relationship. How can you build a loving relationship if you don’t trust your significant other? How can you feel safe and protected in the relationship you’re building if there’s no trust?
This is why I stress the importance of nurturing trust because it’s so hard to repair once it’s broken.
So when it comes to building trust in a relationship, the thing to keep in mind is that trust is going to be established through actions.
A lot of people tend to forget this and make all kinds of promises to each other… While this is good and your good intentions do need to be verbally confirmed, it’s important to note that your actions need to consistently prove to your significant other that you are trustworthy (and vice versa).
For example, there is no point in telling your partner that you’re faithful and that you’d never cheat, and then go and do things that prove that the opposite is true. This might sounds completely obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many people just assume that words should be enough to make their partners trust them, and that they don’t have to back up their words with actions.
More often than not, they end up having to figure out how to build trust back up in a relationship. So, let’s take a look at how exactly it can be rebuilt!
How to build trust in a relationship after cheating, lying, or breaking it in any way
This is one of the most common reasons behind clients taking the initiative to reach out to work with me or a member of my team.
Every single day we receive emails from people asking how to build trust in a relationship after lying, how to build trust in a relationship after cheating, or even how to build trust in a relationship after their partner (or ex partner) accused them of something they didn’t actually do.
At the end of the day, when it comes to how to build trust in a relationship once it has been broken, it’s all about paying close attention to the situation at hand to identify what kinds of solutions are available to you.
How to build trust back if you were responsible for it breaking
When trust is broken between you and your significant other and it’s a result of something that you did, you’re going to need to take responsibility for your actions and apologize. Make sure that your partner is satisfied with your apology, and a good way to do this is to seek insights into what exactly he or she needs from you.
Like I said above, actions will always speak louder than words. Once you apologize, you need to start working on how exactly you’re going to SHOW your partner that you’ve learned from your mistake and that it’s never going to happen again.
You will be able to make a new promise to your partner through action, and little by little, trust will return. Make sure that you don’t pressure your partner to forgive you right away! It’s going to take time, so don’t make it about you and your need for forgiveness if you broke your partner’s trust.
Express to them that you know that this process is going to take time and it won’t be resolved overnight, but you are committed to proving to him or her that you’re going to do what it takes to earn their trust again.
A lot of people panic when they broke the trust in the relationship, and then they end up inadvertently making matters worse by suffocating their significant others. You need to show your partner that you care about them, that you trust them, and that you are committing to fixing this, so you need to show them that you respect them.
If he or she says that they need some space right now and you’re not giving it to them, you’re showing them that you don’t trust and respect them. You can’t trust someone that you don’t respect.
So it’s crucial that you give them the space they need, and you can use this time to work on laying out a proper foundation.
My colleague, Coach Natalie, uses a great analogy in situations where people to know how to build trust after it was broken. When trust breaks, it’s like a wound in the relationship, and just like any wound, the relationship is going to need some air to heal. If you keep picking and scratching at it, it’s going to scar!
Identifying how exactly the trust was broken in this relationship
Whether you are responsible for the broken trust, or your significant other was, you’re going to have to zero in on how exactly is was broken in the first place. There are so many reasons why their trust in you or your trust in them might be broken!
For example, did it break because
⁃ One of you snooped through the other’s phone or computer?
⁃ Did one of you lie?
⁃ Is this the result of a scar that was not healed in the past?
⁃ Did one of you cheat?
⁃ Did insecurities get the best of one of you?
If you can asses and establish how you got here, you can start to define concrete solutions. So let’s say you went through your boyfriend’s texts. Ask yourself why you felt the need to do this.
Did someone hurt you and break your trust in the past, and now your current boyfriend is paying the price for someone else’s mistake? In many many cases, a person will do something that damages the trust between them and their partner because there is a deeper rooted insecurity at play. You might feel the need to snoop through your partner’s phone because you’re afraid that they might cheat on you because you don’t bring enough to the table.
How to trust again: Focusing on self confidence
The key to successfully rebuilding trust in your relationship is zeroing in on where it felt like there was a lack so that you can start to do what it takes to feel more confident. Once you start to do the work, you will need to start communicating these changes and transformations to your significant other.
I know that this article is going over general solutions to this issues, but I do encourage you to reach out to me or a member of my team for one on one guidance. By asking you targeted questions, we can define a custom action plan that it ideal for your specific situation and relationship.
Now, if your partner is the one who damaged the trust in the relationship, it is going to be important for you to assess the situation and honestly ask yourself whether or not this person is willing to do some introspection and reassess their values, emotional stability, and mental health so that they can find solutions to these problems. If they don’t want to get better, there is not much you can do. If they do, you have to commit to forgiving them every single day.
That is why it’s so important to focus on what you can control: YOUR actions!
So, when it comes to building mutual trust and respect in a relationship, it needs to be nurtured from the very beginning because it’s very hard to repair once it has been broken. A lack of trust will bring about insecurity, instability and resentment in the relationship.
When trust has been broken, make sure that you take responsibility for your actions, and make a new promise to the one you love through action. It will require time and patience, but if you’re committed to it, anything is possible in love.
Join the Happily Committed Project and let us help you transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. You can reach out to us directly like I said above, and you can leave any questions you might have in the comments section below.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to build trust in a relationship