Dating in today’s day and age has become a bit more complicated than it was in the past. With the development of dating apps, social media, and the way our society operates, i’ve noticed an increase of people with commitment issues.
There are just so many options available to us all the time that it becomes difficult to make the decision to commit to one person… Unless that person shows you that they’re something special.
Because this is such a common topic, I’ve decided to write this article for you today on how to get him to commit. It’s not as hard as a lot of people might thing it is, but it definitely requires a fair amount of self control.
Once you master the tips and tools I’m going to go over in this article, you’re going to be able to get any man you’re seriously interested in want to commit to you. It’s all about understanding male psychology and what types of things make men want to invest in a serious relationship with someone.
When you develop intense feelings for someone, it becomes very easy to inadvertently put pressure on the situation and end up pushing him away. So let’s take a look at what you can do to make this guy want to commit to you!
The solution to this problem is actually quite simple, but it’s very hard for many people to set into motion. It’s really one of those “Easier said than done” situations.
If you really want to know how to get him to commit, this is the main thing you need to remember. You can get him to commit by not forcing him to commit!
Yes, I know how counterintuitive that sounds, but it’s the key to success. The more pressure you place on a guy, the more likely he is to want to get away and put some distance between you.
The thing we need to keep in mind is that women, as a general rule, like titles and labels, whereas men don’t operate in the same way. Women like commitment and relationships, and it makes perfect sense because it’s in their DNA.
If you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint, the men were the ones that needed to “spread their seed,” whereas the women were the nurturers. Some of these traits have trickled down throughout the course of evolution, and men still have a certain desire to have many doors open to them.
So when it comes to committing to one woman, he needs to feel that she’s unlike all the rest.
Women would like a sense of stability and reliability in the relationship, but we need to make sure that both of you are on the same page. In other words, you both need to feel equally inspired by the relationship. So how can we achieve this?
One of my clients, Jennifer, came to me for help because she really wanted her man to commit. She was constantly begging him to be her boyfriend and at first, he would respond with, “Let’s just take it slow and see where it goes.”
She continued to place pressure on him (without even realizing it) and a few months down the line, his response turned into, “Listen, I think we want different things and I don’t think I can give you what you want.”
Unfortunately, this would result in argument after argument and Jennifer wound up feeling incredibly frustrated and confused about his behavior and his reactions. She knew that they were wonderfully compatible, they had so much fun together, and she knew that he loved her, so why was he saying this?
Why was he convinced that he “Couldn’t give her what she needed?” And why wouldn’t he express the love he had for her in the way that she needed? She felt like she wasn’t asking anything over the top of him. She had said to me, “It’s like I’m trying to figure out how to get him to commit to marriage right now!
I just want him to be in an actual relationship with me. We are sharing all the elements of a relationship so I don’t get why he won’t call me his girlfriend.”
When Jennifer and I began working together, I explained that men and women view commitment in different ways and that the more she rushes him, the less likely he will be to commit.
Men, and people in general, rarely commit to relationships that they feel they’re being forced into. However, she refused to listen and she continued to pester and pressure him until it all culminated in a breakup.
Shortly after their relationship ended, she reached out to me again and this time she was willing to try whatever I suggested. Again, I explained that the more she rushed him, the less likely he would be to want to commit to being in a relationship with her.
So we began working on HER. Not the relationship, not his issues with commitment, not the breakup, but Jennifer. After lots of personal development in terms of well being and confidence, she wrote her ex a letter in which she took accountability for incessantly pressuring him to commit.
She explained that her need to be in a relationship stemmed from insecurities she had as an individual, and it had little to do with him. In the end, he replied to her letter by asking to meet her.
Slowly, they started to hang out again, but this time, she didn’t dare pressure him or the relationship. Shortly after, I received the most rewarding email from Jennifer, where she shared that this casual approach worked! They’re now committed and moving in together.
What are the signs of a controlling woman & how to steer clear of being one!
So as you can see, giving a guy the space he needs, and letting the relationship develop naturally are going to get you the results you want. This is what I was talking about in terms of needing to practice self control. If you let the desire to make a man commit control you, you run the risk of behaving in a way that’s going to make him want to run in the opposite direction. Which of course is entirely counterproductive.
Some people might say that men only want one thing and they’ll never commit, but I can confidently tell you that that is not the case. I’ve been doing this line of work for a very long time now and I can say that a man will commit when he feels inspired rather than pressured. We want him to look at you and realize that you’re unlike all the rest and that he’d be a fool to not want to be your partner!
Giving him space and time are your best allies right now. Not only will they help the relationship develop naturally, they’re going to paint you in an attractive light. As you saw in the story I shared above, the moment a guy feels pressured, he’ll pull away.
Many guys are petrified by labels and the pressures of commitment (especially if they’ve had negative experiences in the past), so just take things slow. You’ll get him to commit faster just by not rushing him.
How to make him want you and crave your presence: The secret!
It’s important to keep in mind that men like to feel empowered by their partners and not broken down or reprimanded for their behavior. If you catch yourself reprimanding your partner for his inability to commit right now, then I encourage working on being supportive of him on his journey, understanding his lifestyle and timelines. This is a great way to encourage a man to commit to you.
I have worked with enough people in this situation to be able to say that criticizing him will do the exact opposite. Don’t ever break your man down because he’ll only resent you for it and pull further away.
Allow him to enjoy and engage in his interests, even if you’re not a huge fan of them yourself. For example, a lot of guys love to play video games and a lot of women get mad at their partners for spending their time playing video games instead of spending time together. If you really want your man to commit, let him indulge in what he likes, and instead of pulling him away from playing video games, sit down beside him and try to learn what the game is all about. If your man sees you excited by his interests, he’ll want to spend more time with you, and he’ll want to commit!
Whenever there is needy or clingy behavior on one person’s part, it is usually rooted in a lack of self confidence. Confidence is a very attractive trait and when it is not present, it puts a person at risk for putting pressure on the other person to commit. The solution is actually to work on inspiring the other person to WANT to commit to you, and developing a solid sense of self confidence is the key to successfully doing that.
If you’re still wondering, “How can I get him to commit,” keep this in mind. Another good way to make someone want to spend more time with you is to pay attention to body language and non verbal messages. This also goes hand in hand with the concept of self confidence.
Make sure that you’re fun and easy going, and that this man can associate you with positive experiences. If you’re nagging him or pressuring him, he’s not going to want to spend time with yo. So when you’re together, smile and match his body position. Make eye contact and be tactile with him so that you can establish intimacy without words.
Take care of yourself physically as well. Hit the gym and boost your self confidence, and you can even go out and buy new lingerie that makes you feel sexy. The better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to get him to commit to you.
It all boils down to letting things develop naturally, not placing pressure on him, and working on your inner sense of self confidence. Like I said at the very beginning of this article, you can get a guy to commit to you by not forcing him to commit to you!
Don’t let your desire for labels rush things between you and this man, and spend your time being busy with activities that benefit you. Little by little, you’ll start to attract him back to you and he’ll want to get closer.
Even if you’re trying to figure out how to get a guy to commit after sleeping with him or how to get a guy to commit to a long distance relationship, it all boils down to being able to make him see that you’re something special. You can surprise him by acting in a way that he was not expecting – especially if you already pressured him a bit.
Take a step back so that you can let this relationship breathe and develop on its own, and you’ll see that this will actually lay the groundwork for a much more solid relationship in the future.
As always, we are here to help so I invite you to join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform this relationship into something incredible. If you would like one on one guidance from me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here! You can also leave any questions you may have in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to get him to commit,
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29 Responses
The guy I’ve been seeing we’ve been dating for almost a year we kind of fell off haven’t seen him in a while we still talk but not like we used to I brought it up the other day to see where he’s at if wants something more or not he said he pulled back because I was putting up walls and he felt that didn’t want anything serious which isn’t true this man is by far one of the most sweetest kindest person I’ve ever dated I’d love nothing more than to be with him so after I said this he said he still has reservations that his heart is saying yes but his mind is holding him back ? I haven’t talked to him in a couple of days because I wanted to give him some time but it’s going on day 3 so I need some advice please and thank you
Hi Cappy,
It sounds like communication is the root of the issue here. This man needs to
get a better understanding of what you truly want. We have an article on communication
that could help!
Once you have proper communication in your relationship, it becomes much easier to
pull in the same direction.
Hello. I am in a long relationship, from 12 years and a half now. And i have been saying him the fact that things need to change considering i want this too and that my parenta are asking for assurance because they want to know who is dating their daughter and what are his intentions with me. He says he wants to commit and he has been says this for a long time but i don’t see any change. I just feel frustrated and used. And i have been feeling down lately. It seems and i feel like he doesn’t love me enough to spend the rest of his life for me. I don’t know what to do. Can u give me an advice please?
Hi Belina, if he is unwilling to commit then he needs to realize that he could lose you. Putting space between you and focusing on your persnoal well-being will create a shift. He must be taken off the pedestal so that he understands that he has to fight for you – we don’t want him thinking that you’ll be around no matter what. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for coaching so that we can ask you specific questions to help us analyze the details of your sitution and determine a custom action plan. To work with us, just click here!
Hi my man is Jemima now i am undergoing the exact situation where he is telling that i am giving him a pressure and he stooped responding to my text and calls,telling that from my parents side pressure is coming but i want him in my life and get married happily live a life so pls kindly help me to sort out this situation
I have been dating a guy for a month and half. We get along extremely well, we talk for hours on ft and go on dates and tell each other things we d be er told anyone else. We also are super physically attracted to each other and have started showing that. He is moving temporarily a few hours away for work for a few months and says he wants an open relationship while he is gone while I would like a long distance relationship. I want him to be exclusive and am so sad and miserable that he doesn’t want to be. What should I say to him?
Hi Laura, thanks for your message. That is a trying situation indeed. It is very important to make sure that you do not agree to a situation that you are not comfortable with. As you are laying out the foundation for a relationship, you have to both be on the same page. Otherwise, you are building a foundation and setting standards that will not make you happy in the long run. Wishing you all the best!
The man I’ve been dating for a little over a year and a half is amazing. He asked me to be his girlfriend after only the 2nd time we hung out in a group setting; unfortunately I was dealing with my own baggage from a previous relationship and said no. We continued to talk as friends and a couple weeks later he asked me out for a date We developed a deep connection VERY quickly, even before either of us fell in love. He’s always striving to be better, he’s supportive, secure, reliable, makes time for me, very much himself, and brings so much joy, energy, and peacefulness to my life. There are some things we disagree on but even then, he’s about resolving issues and communicating, and he’s able to let it go and it doesn’t fester (like I’ve experienced in the past).
Recently, it’s felt a little quieter between us (he’s been visiting family across the country) but even came back just to see me a couple of weeks ago before going back to spend time with them and he does have a lot on his plate at work, which I am supportive of whenever he asks for help. The biggest issue has been around commitment. I’ve brought it up more over the past several months and it feels like it’s weighing on him. He says he’s not able to give me that at this time, and just a few days ago admitted some things to me about other women. He acknowledged his behavior sucks right now and he’s really working to be better. He says he wants to be with me, he’s not unsure about me, he’s thought about our future, and needs me as more than a friend, but he can’t guarantee when he’ll change and that he needed to be transparent about all this and that I deserve better.
I was certainly hurt to learn about this. It makes it harder that he was very transparent and brought this up himself, and I do respect that integrity. I don’t condone the behavior at all and he would definitely have to earn my trust back, but I have had this very strong feeling for a long time that we are supposed to spend our lives together. Our respective friends have all been rooting for us, saying how good we are for each other, how they want to see us win… I’m not sure if he has fear of commitment, if it has to do with past relationships, or a pride or ego thing, but I can’t shake this feeling about us and have this odd sense of peace.
I know I can’t force him, nor do I want to, but I’m curious how you recommend I proceed? Do I take time and space for myself, and give him time and space as well? It sounds silly but I really believe this is my husband and this isn’t worth risking or losing.
Hi Cam, it would appear that this man has started to take you for granted, and this can be remedied by putting space between you and focusing on becoming the best version of yourself. It’s challenging, but he needs to understand what he stands to lose if he’s going to change his approach to your relationship!
Hi, I have been seeing one of my coworkers. He is the one who showed interest first. It has been about 9 months. He is very inconsistent but I know he is attracted to me and interested. I learned a month ago that his last relationship was in high school (7 years ago) and he has told me directly that he is not looking for a relationship. He has told me in the past that he is interested in me. I don’t know how else to tell him that I am special and that a relationship would honestly be sweet. We have had some times where there would be awkwardness or we wouldn’t talk to each other because something had happened (mostly he would stop communicating with me) or even for just no reason sometimes, and then he comes back as if nothing had happened. This week he planned to take me out for ice cream and the day before to come over and watch a movie but after work he just went home as if we didn’t have anything planned. I became so upset because I know he didn’t forget. He just flaked on me cold without any excuse or a text. I really like him and I don’t know what to do. I feel like this is one of those situations in life where it is impossible for me to get what I desire..😕 I don’t only want sex or a fling. I want something real and mature. I wish he would want the same. He also has a pretty big ego and I don’t know how to deal with that
The man who i have been seeing is almost in his thirties & we recently had a falling out but got back together. Whenever I ask for a commitment he argues with me & differs the conversation. I try to leave without arguing due to the fact I want kids & he isn’t ready but he assures me that in time he will & I stay. I am constantly arguing with him because he works everyday & long hours so he has little time to see me during the week. I feel like I am always asking him when I am going to see him & the only one putting in the effort. It has been almost a year & we haven’t introduced each other to our families & I am not sure how to make him put in the effort like he used to. Last time I left him he begged for me back however he has gone back to his old ways & I am not sure how to get him back. He says I pressure him & I want to try whatever I can before giving up.
Hi Liza, if this man is not giving you what you want, it’s time to put real distance between you. Be careful with leaving and taking him back each time, because this shows him that he doesn’t truly have to change and that you’ll always end up taking him back. He has to understand that you will not take him back unless you see real commitment from him, i.e., meeting his family or spending more time together. He needs to prove to you that he is worth your time, otherwise this isn’t going to make you happy in the long run.
Hello,
I have been dating this guy since June and he told me he loved me last week but then kind of acted weird after that. He said that is was heavy pillow talk and that it doesn’t mean he didn’t mean what he said and it was still him. He said he has a hard time expressing himself but is going to work on it. He said he wasn’t ready for anything serious when we first started talking but then talks to me about marriage and our future and says he sees us together in future long term. I have a feeling he is also seeing someone else or casually dating since we are not officially a couple. he is always so hot and cold. Do you have any advice? Thank You!
Hi Sue, if you put some distance between yourself and this man for a little while, he’ll change his approach. He needs to understand that he could lose you and he’ll be more willing to commit.
I’ve been seeing this guy for about a year and a half. We’ve been long distance the entire time, seeing each other about once a month for the first 5 months, then hadn’t seen each other between October to February. When we saw each other in February, he introduced me to his parents and the visit after that, in March, I introduced him to my family. We started officially dating during that visit but then covid-19 hit and we hadn’t seen each other until June. Between then, things were fine. We were doing virtual movie nights, talking on the phone all the time. It was great. Then before I visited him in June he started to get distant. Whenever we talked about it, he didn’t really have an answer for why he was being avoidant of a visit but we decided we’d plan for June and talk about things in person then. During that visit, I met his family again, this time all of his immediate family. The visit went really well. Until he drove me to the airport and told me he wanted to take a step back and needed space. Even though we live states apart… He hasn’t been able to say what a break means to him but has said he doesn’t see this as a real break up. I don’t understand it but I’ve been trying to give him the space he needs. He recently moved into his own place before the pandemic and has said he needs time to figure himself out during this weird time. Totally get it but it hurts that I’m the thing he dropped in his life. Since that trip, he’s come to see me twice and I’ve been to see him once. He’s still pretty distant with me and doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as he used to. But still claims he doesn’t want to see other people and isn’t seeing anyone else. While we’re together, he acts like we’re in a relationship. I’m so confused. I don’t want to force the conversation on him or make him think I need a label right now, but I would like to know if I’m wasting my time letting this carry on the way it is. Should I bring this up and if so, how? If not, what should I do? I should also note that the intimacy has faded too. We used to send each other steamy texts all the time, either of us initiating, but that’s come to a halt too. Help!
Hello!
I was just set up with a man. Very sweet and and is looking for his special someone. Has been Very hurt in the past by serious girlfriends. We hit it right off – similar interests, similar sense of humour and same values. Said he wanted to keep seeing me to see where it can go then All of a sudden started getting cold and I confronted him since it made me feel that I am getting strung along. He said he was sorry for making me feel this way and he enjoys spending time with me, he just doesn’t know what he is looking for. He said he was sorry he cannot give me a better reason than that. Due to my past of being strung along I decided to end it and he said he understood and that it is unfair for me to feel this way when he is the one who doesn’t know what he is looking for. I am hoping I did the right thing to end it and let it be if he wants to come back.
Hi Emilie, hats off – you did exactly the right thing. You are setting yourself up for happiness in love because one of two things will happen:
A. You will meet someone now that can love and cherish you the way that you deserve
B. This man will get a wakeup call, realize what he stands to lose, and change his approach
Hey I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 years and i have yet to see a commitment from him. He says he has trust issues but always wants me to do things for him that require us to be in a relationship like helping him with bills he is really stressing me out because not only is my emotional well being aufffering but financially i am helping him too
How do I respond after he tells me he misses me but he doesn’t feel like he can commit to me? What can I say without pressuring him?
Hi Daniela
I know this must be difficult and hard. You can discuss future plans and when he would like to revisit the thought of a relationship. Also explain to the person what he or she is losing if they say they cannot committee to you.
Thanks
Happily Committed
Hi ive know this guy for about 6 months but we recently fell out because i could feel that he was getting more distant and i asked what are we. He then said he wasn’t ready to commit and i didn’t deserve him. And from then on we haven’t talked. Ever now n then we do but this time he left me on open is it too late?
Dear Lauryn
It isn’t necessary too late, but right now you must not contact him. You need to remain strong and focus on yourself. Continue to work on your own goals and retain the positive energy you exhibit. You need him to miss you and think about you, otherwise he will continue same actions and behavior routinely.
Thanks
Happily Committed
Hi!
I have met a guy who lives In another country. We met In an online dating app. We had a strong connection, kind of a relationship but ofc we had not even met. We would call every day but then he started saying that he has work stuff and that he didn’t Want to have a relationship with anyone. We started fighting really bad. For some time we were not In contact, maybe two Weeks. He moved to another country and at that point he had some problems and I supported him, which he was really grateful. He wants To send me a gift that he bought earlier and has started calling me with this nick name that he use To call me when we were romantically involved. Then I screw up and he wanted to take distance. I t lastez couple of days and he came back, still friends and he calling me with a nick name. Saying sorry that he was so busy with work and moving. I said that it is okey and that I understand and encouraged him and saying that I would like To hear about everything that I is going on.
I guess it is obvious that I still have feelings and I am actually suprised how strong they are. Is there any change to get back his affection and interest? What should I do? I am scared that he will find someone.
Hi Elisa, it would appear that by being so understanding and flexible with his hot and cold behavior, he has started to take you for granted. If you can set up boundaries and take some distance so that he recognizes that you aren’t always available to him, you will spark his interest and he will change his appraoch. This is how you can encourage him to pursue you in a more serious way.
Thanks,
Happily Committed
I have a situation that I’m really struggling with. I met a guy on Hinge almost a year ago and we hit it off like crazy. We’re super comfortable together and do tons of husband wife kinds of things like laundry and grocery shopping and home renovations and we have so much fun doing boring stuff because we’re so good together. He has told me I love you a couple of times but every time things are going extremely well he cuts me off the next day by text. And then I won’t hear from him for sometimes months. But he always comes back and says we’re so great together and should be friends. It has happened 5 or 6 times now and I always know it’s coming when our dates go super well. (which is every time) We’ve never fought or even disagreed in person but over text he always tries to tell me I’m moving too fast or recently that he just wants to be friends. In being friends he always wants to cuddle and kiss and hookup but says we’re just friends. He has major commitment issues from past relationships so he says he doesn’t want a relationship at all. He has told me before that his technique with girls is to hurt them before they can hurt him. So he cuts ties immediately when it gets good so that I can’t cheat or hurt him first. I know that he loves me and we’re great for each other and I want to build his trust so he’ll eventually trust me and want a relationship with me. I have told him that I’ve looked for him in every man I’ve met and I stopped trying to see other people because I always wish they were him. He’s a great guy and I see so many great qualities in him that a lot of guys his age and even older do not have. I love him and it makes so much sense for us to be together but I want him to want it too. Am i ruining a potential relationship by giving him everything he wants and not making him commit? How do I get him to want to commit to me while not hurting myself? Do I allow the kissing and cuddling? Do I lean off of making plans first or texting first? I want this man and don’t have eyes for another and I know he feels the exact same way but is scared. How can I do this the right way for the last time without constant on and off talking.
Hi,
I started dating a guy 4 months back. He was very much interested in the beginning. With time I got a little possessive. Then he thought I was getting too serious and communicated to me that he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship. In the beginning he was the one who told he wants to be serious. How do I reverse the situation?
Just to let you know, this post seems a little bit funny from my android phone. Who knows perhaps its just my mobile phone. Great article by the way.
hello
I started talking to this guy 10minths ago we get along great and from the beginning I was honest that I would eventually want a serious relationship . and he sad he was on the same page. but we decide to take things slow so we can really get to know each other more but eventually be in a relationship ..since we both have been hurt before. he lives in another country just 2h flight from mine. we been talking everyday and in august I went to his country since I have family there so I usually go there often. so we met and it was just as amazing as it was online, but theres one problem he has a hard time saying how he feels with his words but his show me how he feels about through his actions he even introduced me to his mom and sister.
we had the commitment talk and he said he wasn’t ready but he kept treating me like someone would treat his girlfriend… we kept in touch even after I left . and hes never lost consistency and showing me how much he cares for me but he never says it with words. and now i went to back to his country december2020 and we spent time together ., he made sure to spend quality time with me everyday and really made me a priority , and told me hes attacked to me and cares about me a lot but feels its too soon to be in a relationship , because in his past relationship he rushed getting in a relationship and it ended up badly so hes kind of scared and feels rushed which I get but for its been 10months almost a year and I want to have something stable and secure , I was honest with him about that. and I get frustrated sometimes about it. I want to take the next step but still take it slow. so im stuck in this situation where I care about him a lot and want something more stable and secure with him but I don’t wanna rush him either cuz I will only push him away.
Hey there! I started dating a guy long distance about 5 months ago. We’ve been friends for a couple years and finally admitted our feelings for each other in September. We’ve talked every day since and visit each other once or twice a month (only 3 hours away). Over New Years, he met my parents and we talk about the future openly. I asked him how he feels about making things official with a label and he said he wants to take control of his mental health first before making a commitment because he’s been struggling with anxiety and depression. I feel like I might be being a little too lax about the whole thing but I want to be supportive of him. I also want to protect myself because I got burned badly last time I didn’t demand a commitment from someone. How much longer can I give him distance?