If you want your relationship with the man you love to be resilient and withstand the test of time, you’re going to have to make sure that you are not showing signs of a controlling woman. Right off the bat, I can tell you that men value their independence and the moment they feel like it is being threatened, they’re going to pull away. Fortunately, you are aware of this fact and you’ve gone out of your way to find information on how to spot the signs that you’re being controlling so that you can nip the problem in the bud before it makes matters worse!
The problem with this type of behavior is that it often develops without you realizing it and then suddenly your relationship is facing a crisis.
Being aware of what controlling behavior looks like is one of the absolute best ways to keep it out of your relationship. We are all human beings and we all make mistakes, but prevention is the absolute best way to protect your relationship.
So even if you start realizing that you’re seeing the signs of a controlling woman in your behavior, don’t panic! It is never too late to make changes.
All you have to do is start becoming aware of the triggers and your reactions so that you stop yourself before you do something that makes your partner feel suffocated and controlled. Let’s take a look at how to do this, shall we?
Why we don’t want to see signs of a controlling woman in a relationship
A lot of women come to me for help because their partner had said that they were overbearing and controlling, and the first thing they want to know is how exactly to define overbearing and controlling.
As a general rule, controlling people make their partners feel like they’ve lost their sense of independence and don’t get to make choices for themselves anymore. The problem is that it makes them feel like they are constantly being surveyed and that their partner doesn’t even trust them.
The worst part of this is that it can make a person want to leave a relationship because they feel like they’re being suffocated. If you’re familiar with our philosophy then you know that we always stress the importance of maintaining a sense of inspiration in the relationship.
Steering clear of a controlling relationship
I often see that at the beginning of the relationship, the excitement and inspiration are present, but as time goes on a person starts to feel like they need to control their partner in order to feel satisfied in the relationship.
I will go over why this happens in a moment, but the biggest thing to keep in mind right now is that the more you try to control your significant other, the more your relationship will feel like a burden. He will not feel inspired to want to spend more time with you – in fact, your boyfriend or your husband would probably want to spend less and less time with you… and that is not at all what we want!
We want the man you love to look at you and think, “Wow, I feel so good when I’m around her. This relationship is such a source of joy in my life and I can’t wait to spend more time with her!”
The last thing we want him to think is, “Oh my God I need a break from her.”
Where does controlling behavior come from?
In the majority of cases that I come across in my coaching sessions, controlling behavior starts to develop when there is an insecurity at play. Perhaps it is linked to a person’s self confidence, or perhaps it is a result of a past trauma.
When you do not feel confident in the relationship or in how your partner sees you, it becomes much easier to become controlling. You don’t want to feel vulnerable, so you try to control the situation by controlling your partner. This is something that you need to be careful with because your partner could easily see this as a relationship red flag. To him, it can be something that removes the spark from the relationship and he can start to try to get more space from you.
Whether the controlling tendencies stem from a lack of confidence in what you bring to the table and how much of a catch you really are, or whether it’s coming from something that hurt you in the past, these behaviors need to be kept in check. So let’s take a look at the signs of a controlling woman so that you can properly diagnose the situation!
What are the signs of a controlling girlfriend?
I’ve been a dedicated love and relationship coach for many years, so I have taken note of the signs of a controlling woman – especially because this is one of the main things that contribute to broken relationships between two people. This is the type of case where love isn’t always enough to keep two people together. If your boyfriend or husband feels like you are always trying to control him, he is going to want to get away. Instead of being more attracted to you, he will feel the opposite. By the way, if you want to learn more about how to make him become more attracted to you than ever, I encourage you to check out our new product. It can teach you the art of becoming irresistable to him.
As I briefly mentioned in the introduction to this article, men highly value their independence. The moment that independence feels disproportionately threatened by something like controlling behavior, they are going to push you away.
The solution to this problem is making sure that you have a solid sense of self confidence and that you are an exciting challenge, but I will expand on that a little further down. Let’s take a look at the signs of a controlling woman first:
• The constant need to know where he is at all times
If you find yourself constantly checking up on where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, when he’s coming home, where he was before, and what exactly he’s doing after, he could easily perceive this as controlling behavior. The more you try to keep tabs on his every move, the more controlling you are going to seem.
• Demanding passwords
Another big sign of a controlling person is when you want your significant other’s Facebook passwords, email passwords, Instagram passwords, phone passwords, etc. There needs to be a certain amount of trust in your relationship if it is going to thrive. Your husband or boyfriend might not have anything to hide, but if you are always demanding access to his personal communication platforms, you are being controlling.
• Monitoring his friendships
This is another big sign. A controlling woman will constantly try to monitor and control his friendships. I’ve even worked with people who would tell their boyfriend who he could see and when… this is the type of thing that can make a man want to run in the opposite direction, so I encourage you to be careful with this.
• Going through his text messages often
Many people are guilty of going through their partner’s text messages at one point or another, but if this is a common thing that you do, it is a sign of controlling behavior. it falls under the umbrella I’m trying to keep tabs on his every move, and this will make him feel suffocated in the relationship.
• You want to spend time with him constantly
There’s nothing bad about wanting to spend time with the person you love, but if you want to spend every waking moment with him and don’t give him the opportunity to have a personal life, you can count this as a sign of a controlling woman. It is very important to make sure that you don’t have a fear of doing things apart. It is very healthy to do things apart in the relationship, because it makes your partner understand that you have your own things going on, you want to make sure that he can have his own things going on, and that you can give yourselves the opportunity to miss each other.
• You always have to enforce what you think is right and and invalidate his values or emotions
If you try to stamp out what he thinks all the time and make him agree with you, this can be considered controlling behavior. Remember, you are two individuals that have come together to form a relationship. This does not mean that you are now one person and that his thoughts and emotions are invalid.
How to stop being controlling in your relationship
If you have recognized the signs of being a controlling woman, it is time to make some changes so that you can protect your relationship. In addition to this and more importantly, making changes can actually bring much more happiness into your life.
I recently worked with a woman named Juliette who came to me for help with this specific problem. She had started to realize that she was being controlling towards her boyfriend and she needed help. She started to recognize that if she didn’t change things fast, he was going to leave. The problem was that she felt like she couldn’t help it and would always react in a way that she later regretted.
In Juliette’s case, it was because she come from a bad experience. She had been hurt in the past by a cheating ex, so the result was that her self confidence was damaged and she became mistrusting of the men she dated. It’s a normal reaction after a trauma like that, but you have to do some work to heal past wounds cannot make a good man pay for the mistakes of someone else. I know that this is easier said than done, but it is 100% possible. I work with multiple people every week who are trying to navigate through situations like these and we succeed in defining the solutions that ensure their future happiness.
I worked with Juliette on restoring her sense of self confidence and working through the wounds of her past. As she began to feel more confident, she noticed a shift in the dynamic between her and her partner. She felt more desirable, they had more fun together, she was not depending on him for her happiness, and they were able to establish a foundation that was grounded in trust, well-being, and a stronger bond.
I know that each and every situation is unique, so I highly recommend getting in touch with me or a member of my team for one on one guidance. Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship before it’s too late and move forward in a dignified way. Please feel free to leave any questions you might have in the comments section below, and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you. We are here to help you from A to Z!
It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are in the thick of it, but by asking you targeted questions, we can pinpoint the precise solutions that will pave the way to a reinforced relationship between you and the one you love, free of any signs of controlling behavior.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are looking for the signs of a controlling woman