As much as I know that you want to have your relationship back on track as fast as possible, it’s crucial to understand that this is going to take time. Remember, good things take time and you’re going to have to invest your time and energy into creating a new foundation for this relationship. It is unrealistic to think that things are just going to snap back to normal from one day to a next and that you’ll both just forget about this.
The truth is that if an affair occurred in your relationship, it means that there is something that hasn’t been working. Infidelity is a symptom of a deeper issue, so both of you are going to have to take a look at what element in the dynamic of your relationship could have directly or indirectly led to this affair. Did the relationship become monotonous and predictable? Was there a lack of communication, affection, or excitement? Was there too much jealousy, neediness? Did you feel neglected? Did you two become disconnected over the last few months or years? It’s important to really take some time to zero in on what exactly happened within your relationship to make you look for something outside of your relationship.
And it’s going to take time. And the key to success here is consistency. I can tell you right now that there will be moments when you feel frustrated as well and you will feel impatient. But the moment you stop being consistent with your efforts to heal your relationship and rebuild trust after your affair, your partner will lose faith in you. Consistency creates credibility, and this is essential. You just have to keep going so that you can earn the credibility. It’s going to make all the difference.
So take this time to really do some introspection and pinpoint what lead you to cheat. By having a very clear view of what happened, you will give yourself a very clear roadmap of how to make sure you don’t do it again. Cheating, as I said, is typically a symptom of something bigger that isn’t working, and it’s usually something that’s missing. Sometimes it’s affection, sometimes it’s validation, sometimes it’s attention, sometimes it’s communication… something is missing from your life and your relationship so you attempt to fill the void with another person. On a subconscious level you do it because you hope that somehow it’s going to make you feel better. As you now see, it doesn’t make you feel better and now you have to face the consequences.
So if you really want to make sure this doesn’t happen again, start with yourself. This is why it is so incredibly important to spend the time to dive into why exactly you did this. Was it something you thought about for a long time? Was it spontaneous? Were you sober? What were the circumstances?
When something is broken, the only way to fix it is to identify how it broke.
Focus on making the changes and then worry about whether or not your partner is recognizing it. Don’t make changes and then go rushing to your partner to tell them all about it when they still need time and space to heal. Once you’ve made the change and it is a full-time part of your life, you can bring it to him or her. Be very careful to avoid making promises to your partner about things and not following through. This will ruin your credibility beyond repair.
Change first, then share it with your partner. In doing so, you steer clear of the risk of making empty promises. I don’t want you to think that you’re trying to attempt some impossible task. I have been a love and relationship coach for many years now and I have seen thousands of couples work through this! It is by no means impossible. It’s just challenging and it just requires change. What I can tell you is that out of all the couples that I have witnessed rebuild trust after an affair, it’s the ones that welcomed in change who were able to breathe new life into their relationships. The ones who tried to just sweep the problem under the rug typically wind up reencountering the problem a few years down the line. It can be in another shape or form at another time, but if the problem isn’t nipped in the bud, it tends to resurface.
One of our specialties is helping people rebuild trust after cheating. As you are fully aware, this is one of the most challenging things that a couple can go through, and the process of putting the pieces back together is no easy feat. But when you have a professional in your corner to help you repair the damage, it becomes exponentially easier.
It is our goal to help you through all the curveballs and challenges that love throws at you, so I wanted to let you know that we have a plethora of content available to you. If you check out our YouTube Channels, you will find many videos about how to heal a relationship after cheating. The other thing I wanted to bring your attention to is the benefits of one on one coaching. By working with me or a member of our team, we can ask you specific questions about your situation that will enable us to define a custom action plan that will get you the results you want. Each and every relationship is unique and there are details about each situation that will help us define the best solutions. To work with me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here.
There is also a brand new program that we created to help you overcome infidelity in your relationship. It contains powerful tips and tools that are designed to help you heal your partner’s pain, restore your relationship with yourself, and transform your relationship into something better than it ever was before. And this is what I was talking about in the very beginning of this relationship. I often tell my clients that a challenging period like this can be an incredible catalyst in a couple’s relationship and it can end up being a wonderful blessing in disguise. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but sometimes a couple needs an electroshock like this to set them out on a new path. An affair is such a shock that it really shines a bright light on what need to change within the relationship, and once the couple takes the time to do this, they find that their relationship becomes better than it ever was in the past. By experiencing the shock and pain of an affair, and by experiencing the possibility of losing the person you love, you realize how willing you are to make things right. So you’ve got the motivation to change and a bright line being shone on the issues within the belly of your relationship, so as you can imagine, this is pretty powerful fuel for positive change.
So, it would be our pleasure to help guide you through this difficult period.
Remember, first you are going to have to give your partner the time and space he or she needs to heal, and you will have to take this time to do some introspection. As I explained, it is crucial that you dive deep into the source of why you felt the desire or need to search for something outside of your relationship. Once you are able to do this, you can begin to work with your partner on defining the solutions that would strengthen the foundation of your relationship and ensure that this never happens again.
This can be the beginning of a new relationship for you and the person you love.
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love
Your coach when you want to know how to regain trust after an affair