So as I was saying, conflict is a perfectly normal part of any relationship, but the key to success lies in mastering it and knowing how to handle it.
Far too many couples fall apart because they bury their frustrations under the rug only to have them explode at the most minor inconvenience later on down the road. They don’t disappear when you ignore them, they only amplify. I have been working as a love and relationship coach for many years now, and I cannot tell you how many people have come to me for help with figuring out how to resolve conflict in a relationship constructively because they were already on the brink of divorce or separation.
It’s always easier to fix issues in a relationship before separating than putting the pieces back together and trying to get someone to take you back. That is why I’m always so happy when a person comes to me for help with managing conflict in a relationship when they’re still together. It shows proactivity and anticipation, which are key elements in preserving relationships.
That way they can lay out the foundation for a stronger relationship that isn’t going to be threatened by the issues that it will inevitably face!
There is, of course, a bit of a learning curve, but that is only natural. It’s also going to be important to take the root of conflicts into consideration. Sometimes the problem is related to a specific thing that one or both partners are doing, but sometimes it stems from something that has nothing to do with the relationship.
Take my client Lisa for example. She came to me asking about how to resolve conflict in a relationship about six months ago or so. She was a very successful insurance agent living in New York City. She reached out to me after she realized that she and her husband were on the verge of separating. He was overwhelmed with work, not where he wanted to be and he was blaming her for things that were not her fault. He was unhappy with his life and felt that the relationship had become too much of a burden and that he needed space to focus on “finding himself again”.
Obviously Lisa was devastated when she reached out to me because she felt that she was on the verge of losing her soulmate and her best friend. She was absolutely sure that she had already lost him, and I had told her that she was not in the crisis that she thought she was in, but rather that this was an opportunity for their love to be strengthened and to grow through the challenges that they were facing. The key to surviving this would lie in practicing better conflict resolution skills.
Her husband did not hate her, as much as he hated where he was in life. She was way more successful then he was and he became insecure and threatened by her professional success. I simply had to work with Lisa to help her recalibrate her relationship and ensure that they start pulling in the same direction. They had to become a team again and not adversaries, and so we focused on communication skills and rebuilding their common life project, and their relationship quickly soared as a result.
So you see, there are solutions available to you, so let’s take a look at what those are exactly.