Too busy for a relationship

Too busy for a relationship: How to handle dating when he is just too busy!

I had an interesting conversation with one of my clients earlier today who came to me to ask about how to manage a relationship when your significant other seems to have no free time to devote to nurturing your relationship. It’s true that in order for a relationship to truly thrive, you need to invest your time and energy in it. Like anything of real value in life, it’s going to require maintenance. But how do you do this when you’re with a workaholic or if you are someone who has a list of responsibilities that seems to never end?

This problem is becoming more and more common and I find myself working with individuals and couples on a regular basis who are struggling to preserve their relationships because one or both of them are just so busy.

I know that it can feel like there aren’t many solutions available to you, but I wanted to write this article for you today to give you some of the tips and tools that I share with my clients who have found themselves in the same situation you’re in today.

In addition to offering you some concrete techniques to help you improve the situation, I want to give you some tools to help you do some introspection that will ensure that you’re able to put your wellbeing first and truly be happy in your love life. So let’s jump in!

When a person is too busy for a relationship: Feeling undervalued

The biggest issue that I see when a person comes to me for help with finding a better balance in their relationship is that they are feeling undervalued and there is a lack of communication.

When one person is consistently absent and too busy for a relationship, it can make it very difficult to lay out a solid foundation and to preserve a sense of well being and fulfillment in the relationship.

So it comes as no surprise that it’s crucial that you find a balance between work, your social life, and your relationship so that you can make sure it withstands the test of time.

If a partner feels undervalued, it can quickly lead to tensions that really don’t need to be there at all. That said, I want you to rest assured that there ARE solutions available to you! It’s just a two-way road…

Another client of mine, Laura, came to me a few weeks back because she had started seeing this guy that she met through a friend. His name was Harold, and he was running a successful tech startup company.

He was charming, he was funny, he was generous and he was very into her, but the only problem was that he was just so extremely busy all the time that it left no time for her.

At first, he tried his hardest to see her and would ask her if she’d be up for a glass of wine because he had 45 minutes free, but after a while he stopped trying to make the time. 

When a guy is too busy for a relationship but wants to work on developing one with you, he’s going to have to be able to meet you halfway. You can’t be the one doing all the work, bending over backward to see him.

In this particular situation, Laura decided that it wasn’t going to be worth it for her because she knew that she deserved someone who was going to be willing to put in just as much effort as she was.

So if you know that your partner or the person you’ve started dating is willing to work on improving the situation, I want you to know that there are plenty of solutions available to you!

Too busy for a relationship

He’s too busy for a relationship: What do I do?

As you begin to develop a relationship with this person, you might start to notice that everyone has a different idea about how much time spent together is the right amount of time. For some people, they want to be with their significant others all the time whereas others will want to spend very little time with their partners. Sometimes it’s because they’re too busy for a relationship, other times it’s because they have different ways of operating when they’re in a couple.

Women are nurturers and want to build the bond, they want to build an environment that feels like a home, so when you’re dating someone who doesn’t have the time to be available for that, it can really throw you off.

But in today’s type of society, a lot of men will prioritize their careers, their independence or their personal lives with their friends over their relationship with their significant others. And that’s when you start seeing the “too busy for a relationship signs.”

So what can you do if he’s too busy for a relationship?

How to balance work and life: Here’s the key!

The #1 solution when your partner doesn’t have enough time for you

The absolute best thing you can do in this type of situation is to become very busy yourself. The busier you can be, the less preoccupied you will be regarding your relationship and your partner’s absence, and this will create a shift in your dynamic.

This in turn will make you less needy and will give you a sense of accomplishment in your own day to day life, which is a quality that really attracts men. The more he sees you living your life to the fullest, the more likely he will be to feel inspired to want to spend more time with you.

So think about how you can create a life that is even more inviting and you’ll see that he’ll feel inspired to make more of an effort to spend time with you.

Too busy for a relationship excuse: being able to talk about it

As important as it is to make sure that you have a busy personal life, you’re also going to need to be able to voice the fact that you’re feeling that this relationship is being neglected.

Both of you need to feel happy and fulfilled in this relationship in order for it to work, so make sure that you aren’t sweeping your feelings under the rug and keeping everything to yourself. Many people don’t realize that they’re making the mistake of assuming that their partner knows what they’re feeling but the truth of the matter is that no one can read minds.

Make an effort to talk to your partner about what you are feeling and what your needs and expectations in this relationship truly are.

Don’t approach the situation in attack mode or anything; just open dialogue about the state of things between you.

Too busy for me: Make plans

When you’re in a relationship or beginning to date someone who is extremely busy, one of the best things that you can do is make concrete plans to see each other and be very strict about enforcing those plans! And I mean that both of you need to be strict about it.

Even if he’s too busy with work, set aside time in both of your schedules to spend quality time together. If he’s receptive, take out your calendars and pick one time in the week during the week that you block out on a consistent basis.

This needs to be YOUR time, and it’s non-negotiable!

So even if you’re dating a person who doesn’t have much time, if you’re able to devote certain moments to each other it’ll help you to feel more valued, and it will help you to develop your relationship.

How to Fix Communication in a Relationship once and for all!

Keeping an eye on the dynamic…

Another very important thing that I bring to the attention of my clients is making sure that the person you’re dating is not stringing you along. If you notice over time that this person has no plans to truly change their relationship with work or their relationship with you, you will need to ask yourself if you re willing to adjust to them.

If you are not willing to do this and you know that you’re going to need something that they are unprepared to give your then pursuing this relationship might not be in your best interest. You deserve to be happy and content in your relationship, and if you reach this point and you know that you tried everything in your power, that is to say you were patient, you implemented calendar blocks, you spoke up and expressed yourself, then the rest is your partner’s responsibility.

As I said above and as frustrating as it might be, a relationship is a two way road and it shouldn’t be up to one person to carry the weight of putting the effort into it.

Otherwise it can easily become a string along relationship that ends up making you suffer.

Sometimes people will string others along without realizing that they’re doing it, or without realizing that they are unable to offer a fulfilling relationship, so it’s up to you to really listen to your heart and make sure that you’re with someone who cherishes you.

Dating a busy man can work if you can find balance

The truth is that most people are very busy these days, so we all need to working finding healthy balances in our relationships. If you’re dating but don’t talk every day, there’s no need to panic. If you’re dating a busy guy and you guys aren’t able to see each other that often, there’s still no need to panic.

It’s all about making the effort to express your needs and expectations in a productive way, setting aside time to spend with each other, and making sure that you’re being met halfway. While you’re doing all of this, make sure that you’re busy too! It’s the best thing you could do to set your mind at ease, enjoy your life and feel like you’re thriving, and this will attract this man as well. These are the types of things that make a partner irresistible.

And again, if you’re feeling like this man is not willing to make compromises and make an effort to see you and spend time with you, this relationship might not be the best one for you to invest in.

No one is ever too busy if deep down they really want to make it work, and I want you to remember that. Sure, there are challenges and busy schedules, but we are all capable of making choices.

If you have any questions or would like to benefit from one on one coaching, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team by clicking here. Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. As a team of dedicated love and relationship coaches, we are here to help you every step of the way. In addition to this, if you’re feeling insecure, I encourage you to download our brand new product on battling insecurity. To access it, all you have to do is click here.

I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,

Your coach when you’re dating someone who is too busy for a relationship

By coach Adrian

32 Responses

  1. I like and I have interest in this guy and his aware but his not ready to accept because of his business and time.what should I do??

    1. Hi Celine, in this type of situation a man needs to understand what he risks losing if he lets this opportunity slip him by. The best way to do this is to focus 100% on yourself and become the best version of yourself, and use the power of social media to post about all the new, exciting things you’re doing!

    2. I have a long distance relationship with my bf . He is a busy man . He doesn’t have more time to chat or talk with me and I start wondering if he is really getting into me .
      How do I know if he loves me even if he is busy ? .
      He tells me that he loves me but no time and effort .

    3. I have a long distance relationship with my bf . He is a busy man . He doesn’t have more time to chat or talk with me and I start wondering if he is really getting into me .
      How do I know if he loves me even if he is busy ? .
      He tells me that he loves me but no time and effort .

  2. I am engaged to a man who is a political analyst and runs a business in DC. Sometimes when I hear from him, it is late at night or a few days later. I am a Political Science/Pre-Law major. I truly love him but I am worried that maybe I am not good enough although he did spend time with me yesterday. I live in Montgomery, AL and he lives in Washington, DC what do I do?

  3. Im a busy guy. I run 2 small businesses and just started going back to school fill time and im an avid runner. I met the most beautiful girl who is really into me as i am with her. A week into it shes ready to call it quits because im not giving her enough time . I agreed if she felt that way we should quit talking. I feel like im a great catch and am striving to be the best version of me. And if she doesnt get that, then she will only be in my way. Thats what i told her as i told her goodbye last week. Tonight she asked to be friends, then went on to tell me i was extremely rude because of my i dont care attitude. Which made me feel like i made the right choice in letting her go. Why cant women just understand im trying to build a world with these two hands that i can one day give someone… that person should be understanding and supportive and proud that their guy is so motivated. I would love a woman who is strong enough to not be so needy all the time. If she was as driven and motivated she would not feel the need for me to slow down to fillfill the emptiness in her soul. Im running 100mph if your not keeping up your slowing me down. I feel like she could take interest in the things that interest me vs trying to get me to stop doing the things i enjoy to accommodate more time for her.

    1. Women require time and attention. If you don’t understand that, then a relationship at this moment in your life is not the best decision.

  4. I have a bf … he is a famous teacher he has about 700 student he gives lectures at home bcz of quarantine. His message decreased we used to talk 3 times a day and now once a week or two … i talked with him about it but he seems depressed he is a workaholic he works all the day … im sure he loves me but he dosent put effort and i dont know what to choose my dignity or my heart …. 😔

    1. Hi Tima, you can express to him that you’re there if he needs a shoulder or someone to talk to, but it is important that you focus on your personal well-being. You can be there for him, but it is not your job to change the way he lives his life or prioritizes you. In turn, when he sees you focusing on bringing more joy into your life, he will gravitate towards you because he will see things that he wants to be a part of.

  5. I’ve been best friends with him for so long and we started liking each other this year and decided to date but his parents keep him busy and I’m constantly trying to make plans whereas he has football practice everyday and doesn’t have time and is busy with chores and video games at home so he never calls or texts unless I do. What do I do? I’m never busy and I can’t get busy…

    1. Hi Alyvia, the solution would be to not initiate contact and wait for him to realize you’ve taken him off the pedestal. When he realizes that your attention isn’t on him anymore, he will recognize the challenge and change his approach. This is when you will see him take the initiative to pursue you and eventually commit. The second part of the solution is to challenge yourself to get busy. You can fill your schedule with hobbies, friends, personal and professional goals, learning new skills, redecorating your space, etc. Wishing you the best!

  6. Also he still talks to me every now and then and when I bring up the subject he doesn’t wanna talk about it..

  7. Hello! I’m dating someone who has to cancel plans last minute often because he gets more work thrown at him unexpectedly. When we are together it’s amazing and our connection is very strong. The only issue we have is him canceling very last minute and him not being able to keep solid plans. I let him know I’m not able to deal with poor communication and basically let him know it’s up to him to make this relationship work. I’m debating on whether to keep investing or walk away if he doesn’t realize what he has. Any other suggestions?

    1. Hi Sasha, if he is not committing and investing in you, it is okay to walk away and focus on yourself. Oftentimes, when a person does this, their partner receives an electroshock that makes them realize what they stand to lose. This makes them adapt their approach. If he’s capable of being a worthy partner and is willing to make the effort to find balance between his work and this relationship, he will change his approach and commit to you in a more sustainable way.

  8. Natalie,

    I would love to reach out to you and talk to you about my current situation. I think you would be able to help me find the path I need to take.

    Thank you for your time,
    Mercedes Haney

  9. Hi.
    I’m dating an older man who is easy busy that I feel like we don’t see each other often or communicate much.. What can I do about it?

    1. Hi Ann.
      There is this guy I really have feelings for fun. He is fun to be with. We stay in different states and our communication is more on phone. I have no idea if he is interested in me or not. Though, he calls me severally. How do I know if he is interested? Do I ask him straight up if he is interested in me? I think I am pretty shy to ask that kind of question even though, I am an outgoing person. How do I ask him if he is interested in having a relationship with me so I know whether we are in a relationship or just the flirting mode?

      Thank you!

  10. He won’t call as much only mostly when he wants us to meet and mostly when I call my calls go unanswered. We have dated for reaallllyyyy long.. years now

  11. I’ve been seeing this guy only a couple weeks…but I can’t even remember the last time I felt this way about anyone. This is so not me. But we barely talk. Sometimes not at all, sometimes a message a day. His work makes him travel all over the place and sometimes works up to 20 hour shifts, does days, overnights, and he’s placed 40 mins away from me. Sometimes they send him hours away from my home town. It’s hard to even figure out a phone call let alone a date. I dont know if I should let him go or try to stick it out. When we do see each other it’s amazing. It’s as if we’re best friends. He’s on my mind all the time. What should I do?

  12. Hey
    I have been dating a man who is Vice President of a company now to due to COVID everyone is insecure about their job and he too has taken a lot of responsibilities on his head as for which he has become busy and we don’t get much time to talk even…he realises that and is understands it but now he has started saying that I should leave him and search someone else who can give me the desired care attention and time…
    Though I have explained him that I am fine with the situation but he doesn’t agrees to it and is adamant that I should find other guys and should not put him in guilt…what should I do

    1. I think you should listen to him. He has acknowledged that he doesn’t have time for you, and he knows that you deserve better, and has told you that. That’s why you should listen to his advice and leave. Spare yourself more suffering.

  13. Hi, my boyfriend is a busy guy but when we started dating, everythings going smooth like wow and I’m like he is the one. Midnight conversations were priceless and we both enjoy it so much. Always woke up feeling fresh and loved. Eventually he started telling me not to have midnight conversation because he is worried abt my health.So,he told me to sleep at 11.Our chat time is only 2 hrs and i don’t feel enough. I needed more of his time like the other days.Now he is telling me that he’s going to sleep at 10:30 bec his eyes can’t resist and he’s tiring from his work. Um whats that? I’m so pissed off. I can stay busy like u say but whats the point of being in a relationship?

  14. My boyfriend is super busy and due to COVID I’m at home free most of the time. He doesn’t get a lot of time and when we talk about it he says that he wants to work on relationship. His actions are a lot different then his words. We want to be with each other but u don’t know what to do anymore. We had the talk so many times but not a lot has changed.

  15. I have a boyfriend and we’re in a long distance relationship. We haven’t seen each other for 8 months now because of covid.
    We used to talk a lot everyday but now he really does a lot of things including work and studies. Though I understand him, there are times that I can feel I am the only one making an effort for our relationship to work. I have talk to him about this but the cycle still continues.What should I do?

  16. Personally i think that things happen and sometimes sure work comes into play. But in general people make time for the things that matter. So i have gotten really iffy on guys who are busy all the time who filled their lifes with so many activities that they don’t have time to date.
    Caveat is that i think work stuff does come up and understanding plays a role too

  17. Hey,
    How do I ask a guy if he is interested in a relationship with me? I am sort of shy and scared to ask that kind of question. I really do love him and he calls me all the time as we live in different states. I really need to know if we are headed for a relationship or not.

  18. Met my boyfriend he couldn’t get enough of me for six weeks, always wanting to call me every second night having 3 hour conversations I would see him once a week for about four hours. He has five children and separated, because of Covid he doesn’t get to see his children but talks to them 3-4 times a week.
    He said at the start how because we are older we won’t want to always be together like we do when younger, I sort of agree with that but I had no real say over it.
    After being with him for a month I found out that he suffers depression, I’m fine with that as I suffer from mental health problems myself, I’m also pretty independent.
    He does send me a good morning message which I respond to.
    Now it has got to that I rarely talk to him, his response to that was that we see each other more which we don’t.
    I’m stuck in that I really love my boyfriend and can see a future with him, I want to be with him forever.
    I feel like he cuts me out off his life when he starts to struggle with something.
    Part of me wants to tell him to go away as I get hurt when he doesn’t turn up after saying that he will or that he has his phone turned off.

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