I had an interesting conversation with one of my clients earlier today who came to me to ask about how to manage a relationship when your significant other seems to have no free time to devote to nurturing your relationship. It’s true that in order for a relationship to truly thrive, you need to invest your time and energy in it. Like anything of real value in life, it’s going to require maintenance. But how do you do this when you’re with a workaholic or if you are someone who has a list of responsibilities that seems to never end?
This problem is becoming more and more common and I find myself working with individuals and couples on a regular basis who are struggling to preserve their relationships because one or both of them are just so busy.
I know that it can feel like there aren’t many solutions available to you, but I wanted to write this article for you today to give you some of the tips and tools that I share with my clients who have found themselves in the same situation you’re in today.
In addition to offering you some concrete techniques to help you improve the situation, I want to give you some tools to help you do some introspection that will ensure that you’re able to put your wellbeing first and truly be happy in your love life. So let’s jump in!
When a person is too busy for a relationship: Feeling undervalued
The biggest issue that I see when a person comes to me for help with finding a better balance in their relationship is that they are feeling undervalued and there is a lack of communication.
When one person is consistently absent and too busy for a relationship, it can make it very difficult to lay out a solid foundation and to preserve a sense of well being and fulfillment in the relationship.
So it comes as no surprise that it’s crucial that you find a balance between work, your social life, and your relationship so that you can make sure it withstands the test of time.
If a partner feels undervalued, it can quickly lead to tensions that really don’t need to be there at all. That said, I want you to rest assured that there ARE solutions available to you! It’s just a two-way road…
Another client of mine, Laura, came to me a few weeks back because she had started seeing this guy that she met through a friend. His name was Harold, and he was running a successful tech startup company.
He was charming, he was funny, he was generous and he was very into her, but the only problem was that he was just so extremely busy all the time that it left no time for her.
At first, he tried his hardest to see her and would ask her if she’d be up for a glass of wine because he had 45 minutes free, but after a while he stopped trying to make the time.
When a guy is too busy for a relationship but wants to work on developing one with you, he’s going to have to be able to meet you halfway. You can’t be the one doing all the work, bending over backward to see him.
In this particular situation, Laura decided that it wasn’t going to be worth it for her because she knew that she deserved someone who was going to be willing to put in just as much effort as she was.
So if you know that your partner or the person you’ve started dating is willing to work on improving the situation, I want you to know that there are plenty of solutions available to you!
He’s too busy for a relationship: What do I do?
As you begin to develop a relationship with this person, you might start to notice that everyone has a different idea about how much time spent together is the right amount of time. For some people, they want to be with their significant others all the time whereas others will want to spend very little time with their partners. Sometimes it’s because they’re too busy for a relationship, other times it’s because they have different ways of operating when they’re in a couple.
Women are nurturers and want to build the bond, they want to build an environment that feels like a home, so when you’re dating someone who doesn’t have the time to be available for that, it can really throw you off.
But in today’s type of society, a lot of men will prioritize their careers, their independence or their personal lives with their friends over their relationship with their significant others. And that’s when you start seeing the “too busy for a relationship signs.”
So what can you do if he’s too busy for a relationship?
The #1 solution when your partner doesn’t have enough time for you
The absolute best thing you can do in this type of situation is to become very busy yourself. The busier you can be, the less preoccupied you will be regarding your relationship and your partner’s absence, and this will create a shift in your dynamic.
This in turn will make you less needy and will give you a sense of accomplishment in your own day to day life, which is a quality that really attracts men. The more he sees you living your life to the fullest, the more likely he will be to feel inspired to want to spend more time with you.
So think about how you can create a life that is even more inviting and you’ll see that he’ll feel inspired to make more of an effort to spend time with you.
Too busy for a relationship excuse: being able to talk about it
As important as it is to make sure that you have a busy personal life, you’re also going to need to be able to voice the fact that you’re feeling that this relationship is being neglected.
Both of you need to feel happy and fulfilled in this relationship in order for it to work, so make sure that you aren’t sweeping your feelings under the rug and keeping everything to yourself. Many people don’t realize that they’re making the mistake of assuming that their partner knows what they’re feeling but the truth of the matter is that no one can read minds.
Make an effort to talk to your partner about what you are feeling and what your needs and expectations in this relationship truly are.
Don’t approach the situation in attack mode or anything; just open dialogue about the state of things between you.
Too busy for me: Make plans
When you’re in a relationship or beginning to date someone who is extremely busy, one of the best things that you can do is make concrete plans to see each other and be very strict about enforcing those plans! And I mean that both of you need to be strict about it.
Even if he’s too busy with work, set aside time in both of your schedules to spend quality time together. If he’s receptive, take out your calendars and pick one time in the week during the week that you block out on a consistent basis.
This needs to be YOUR time, and it’s non-negotiable!
So even if you’re dating a person who doesn’t have much time, if you’re able to devote certain moments to each other it’ll help you to feel more valued, and it will help you to develop your relationship.
Keeping an eye on the dynamic…
Another very important thing that I bring to the attention of my clients is making sure that the person you’re dating is not stringing you along. If you notice over time that this person has no plans to truly change their relationship with work or their relationship with you, you will need to ask yourself if you re willing to adjust to them.
If you are not willing to do this and you know that you’re going to need something that they are unprepared to give your then pursuing this relationship might not be in your best interest. You deserve to be happy and content in your relationship, and if you reach this point and you know that you tried everything in your power, that is to say you were patient, you implemented calendar blocks, you spoke up and expressed yourself, then the rest is your partner’s responsibility.
As I said above and as frustrating as it might be, a relationship is a two way road and it shouldn’t be up to one person to carry the weight of putting the effort into it.
Otherwise it can easily become a string along relationship that ends up making you suffer.
Sometimes people will string others along without realizing that they’re doing it, or without realizing that they are unable to offer a fulfilling relationship, so it’s up to you to really listen to your heart and make sure that you’re with someone who cherishes you.
Dating a busy man can work if you can find balance
The truth is that most people are very busy these days, so we all need to working finding healthy balances in our relationships. If you’re dating but don’t talk every day, there’s no need to panic. If you’re dating a busy guy and you guys aren’t able to see each other that often, there’s still no need to panic.
It’s all about making the effort to express your needs and expectations in a productive way, setting aside time to spend with each other, and making sure that you’re being met halfway. While you’re doing all of this, make sure that you’re busy too! It’s the best thing you could do to set your mind at ease, enjoy your life and feel like you’re thriving, and this will attract this man as well. These are the types of things that make a partner irresistible.
And again, if you’re feeling like this man is not willing to make compromises and make an effort to see you and spend time with you, this relationship might not be the best one for you to invest in.
No one is ever too busy if deep down they really want to make it work, and I want you to remember that. Sure, there are challenges and busy schedules, but we are all capable of making choices.
If you have any questions or would like to benefit from one on one coaching, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team by clicking here. Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. As a team of dedicated love and relationship coaches, we are here to help you every step of the way. In addition to this, if you’re feeling insecure, I encourage you to download our brand new product on battling insecurity. To access it, all you have to do is click here.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re dating someone who is too busy for a relationship