When a partner is going through a midlife crisis, it can be exceedingly hard to figure out what it is that you need to be doing. How can you be there for him? How can you find solutions if it is causing a rift in the relationship? This is a very common problem, and we encounter it very often in our one on one coaching sessions.
For this reason, I wanted to write an article for you today on what to do when you have a husband going through a midlife crisis. I know how much of a strain it can put on the relationship, especially because it can feel so unlike anything that you’ve gone through in your relationship before.
In today’s article, I am going to give you some practical advice on how to navigate through this challenging period in the most productive way possible!
Keep in mind that this period is temporary, but there are things that you can do to ease the process. I know it’s tough, but that’s why we are here! So, let’s dive right in!
When we hear the term, “midlife crisis, it’s easy to think of a middle aged man divorcing his wife and speeding off in a red convertible with a 24 year old blonde girl in the front seat. But that’s not really what happens when a man goes through a midlife crisis.
When a person goes through a crisis like this, they begin to question all of their accomplishments. They start to wonder if they really accomplished everything they wanted to have accomplished at this age, they start to wonder what they could have/should have done differently, they start to question their personal choices, their professional choices, and the list goes on and on.
In some cases, it will have a sizable impact on the relationship and the person having the midlife crisis will want to end things. They might feel that they need to find themselves, experience different relationships, or just be on their own.
Of course, if you’re on the receiving end of that, it comes as no surprise that it would feel horrible. It’s like having the rug ripped out from beneath you. When there is a midlife crisis happening in the relationship, there is a palpable lack of stability.
On top of that, your husband will have all kinds of different moods that are hard to keep up with and navigate. Should you be supportive? Should you give him space? What does he need from you as his spouse?
It is incredibly emotionally draining and the more stressed you feel, the harder it is to approach this in a productive way. So, let’s take a look at what needs to happen!
When your husband is having a midlife crisis, everything is upside down. Because your husband is dealing with so much right now, one of the absolute best things you can do is focus on making improvements in your own life. Confidence and wellbeing is very attractive and it can inspire your husband to want to get closer to you AND do the same thing.
You can lead by example by taking the reigns and finding peace and wellbeing in your personal life, your professional life, and the way you spend your time. When your husband is going through a midlife crisis, he is going to be feeling lost. He needs a sense of stability and you can provide that in your relationship by cultivating a solid foundation in your own life.
You can also subconsciously support your husband through your body language. Sometimes supporting someone is way more subtle than we might realize. Match your husband’s body language and mirror his breathing patterns. I know that this might sound funny to you as you’re reading it, but eye contact and positive body language is a way to form non-verbal intimacy.
It is a huge part of attraction, and if you want to learn more about this, I highly encourage you to download our new program on boosting the attraction in your relationship.
To stimulate intimacy and closeness between you and your husband, it’s also important to take care of yourself physically so that you feel comfortable and confident.
This can be in the form of physical exercise that makes you feel energetic and healthy, or doing nice things for yourself that make you feel beautiful. You can have fun with new lingerie or anything that you find exciting!
Another thing that men love is surprise. You know your husband better than anyone, so you also know what would surprise him! Try to think of activities that you can share together that would bring a sense of freshness to the relationship. So on a weekend getaway together.
Do an activity that you’ve never done before like salsa dancing classes. Now is the perfect time to come up with new things to share that make your relationship feel new.
For tips on how to do romantic things for your partner, I highly encourage you to read this article.
I also want to bring your attention to the importance of giving your husband time and space while he’s going through a midlife crisis. Men value freedom and independence, and a during a trying time like this, you might notice that he needs a bit more time on his own.
When this happens, it is ideal for you to switch your focus to yourself and become the best version of yourself. This is important for your own sense of wellbeing, and it will also help your husband to gravitate back towards you. If, on the other hand, you inadvertently suffocate him and seek reassurance from him regarding the relationship, he’s going to pull away.
As frustrating as it is, this is human nature. If you want him to want to be closer to you, then he needs to see that you are woman that he fell head over heels in love with. If you can become the new and improved version of that woman, then he will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame.
Midlife crisis in women: How it feels and what you can do about it!
Another thing that we need to keep in mind when your husband is experiencing a midlife crisis is the importance of creating a safe space. To do so, you must develop your ability to relate and empathize. I really recommend reading this article on fostering healthy and productive communication in your relationship because it can most certainly come in handy in times of crisis.
Make sure that you are not attacking him for the midlife crisis he is experiencing and all the complex emotions that go along with it. It is normal that tensions would rise, but don’t say hurtful things when you are arguing. This only creates a greater divide between you and breeds resentment.
Build him up and be there for him, create time for excitement and intimacy, and make sure that you show him affection when you are spending time together. It can be the littlest thing – like your hand on his leg when you’re watching tv, or a kiss on the cheek when he is next to you at the table.
It’s easy to become impatient with someone who is going through a midlife crisis because they feel so unstable. But as his partner, the more stability and positivity you can offer him, the better. The more feelings of excitement and affection he feels in the relationship, the better. The more excitement you can experience together, the better.
You can operate as a team to talk about what kind of changes you would need to make to help break the routine. After all, a routine is one of the biggest triggers for a midlife crisis. So, remember. You can help your husband see that he isn’t stuck in a rut or a monotonous life.
At the end of the day, a midlife crisis is very challenging, but it is temporary.
The most powerful tool you have in your arsenal is making yourself happy, improving your quality of life and your sense of wellbeing, and having that positively affect your relationship with your husband, and in turn, how your husband feels about the relationship.
Give him time, and offer him support. Keep things feeling fresh by coming up with new activities to share and new ways to connect. A midlife crisis can be a time of transformation that opens the door to the next chapter of your relationship, and this can be a very exciting thing!
If you find that you are struggling with this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team by clicking here. Together, we can analyze your situation and define solutions that are tailor-made to your specific situation. There are many moving parts in each relationship, so the most effective thing we can do for you is to analyze your unique relationship and give you the tips and tools that yield the most powerful results. This is our passion, and we are here to guide you every step of the way.
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I sincerely wish you all the best,
Your coach when your husband is going through a midlife crisis
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