I hope that this article has given you some clarity. I know that when you’re thinking “I no longer love my husband,” it can be very challenging to figure out what your next step should be. There are so many emotions, so it can make you feel paralyzed. As I said at the very beginning of this article, the more information you have, the easier it becomes to make a sound decision. As this article comes to an end, I would like to summarize the points we went over together today. The first thing that we go over with clients who have found themselves in this kind of situation is the importance of determining whether or not the marriage is worth fighting for. It really all boils down to whether or not the marriage is toxic, and some of the biggest signs you have to look out for are:
1. When your husband constantly puts his needs over yours, and his happiness comes at your expense.
2. An endless blame game
3. When neither of you can see any goodness in the other anymore
4. When your husband is extremely controlling and is cutting you off from your friends, family, and personal life
If you see these signs, the odds are higher that there is toxicity present in your marriage and it may, in fact, be time to turn the page. At the end of the day, if you or your husband are unwilling to change, if you or your husband thinks that the other person is the only issue, it’s a sign that your marriage is over because a relationship or a marriage is like a garden that needs to be constantly and continuously nurtured and tended to.
If you know that the relationship isn’t toxic and that you two have just gone down a path where you’ve become disconnected over time, there are solutions available to you. Whether there is tension or not, your marriage doesn’t have to be doomed if you don’t want it to be. And that’s the key: you have to WANT to fix this in order for it to be fixed. It is natural for there to be ups and downs in a marriage and for some periods to feel more challenging than others. The process is going to start with self-care because no one can properly love another person if they do not love themselves. This is why we always encourage people to focus on their personal wellbeing by getting more physical exercise, spending more time with people that bring them joy, dedicating more time to their hobbies and projects, and working towards their personal and professional goals. Self-confidence comes from a sense of accomplishment, so the more you’re doing in your day to day life, the better. This will help you to feel better and more in control, and it will influence your approach to your marriage as well.
Not only is self care important for yourself, it is also important for your relationship. It can help you to feel more confident in the choices you make and it makes it easier for you to analyze what you’re willing to do in regards to saving this marriage. If you feel peace within yourself, it becomes easier to take an honest look at your marriage and decide whether or not you want to do the work to repair it. When you’re feeling broken down, worried, and depressed about the situation, it becomes easy to feel stuck. Again, you’re never stuck and you’re in control of way more than you might realize!
Then it’s time for communication. You two need to talk to one another about your needs and expectations, and where you disconnected from each other down the line. This is where active listening comes in. It can be hard to hear criticism of yourself and of your relationship, but remember that this is how you define the proper solutions.
And when it comes to solutions, here are the main points:
1. Active listening and communication with one another
2. Think back on a time when your husband felt unloved
3. Think about how you can make him feel cherished
4. Focus on personal growth and your growth as a couple over the years
5. Rebuild attraction
6. Starting dating each other again
7. Remember that small gestures can go a long way
It’s going to be a marathon, not a sprint. I know that you want results as soon as possible, but if you can start making changes now, you’re going to see a shift in the dynamic and you can set yourselves up for long-term success. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for guidance, as we are here to help you from A to Z. Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. Even if today you’re thinking, “I don’t love my husband anymore,” it doesn’t mean that it inevitably will have to turn into a divorce. You can work with me or a member of my team by clicking here.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are not in love with your husband,