I have to say, whenever a client comes to me asking about separation prevention, I feel a certain sense of happiness.
Why? Well, I am touched by this because very often we are working with people that are coming out of relationships and want to know what they can do to put the pieces back together, but when a person is willing to put in the effort to lay out a proper foundation that will protect their relationship before problems arise, it shows me that they’re setting themselves up for success.
Prevention is the most powerful tool you have in your arsenal. It’s kind of like going to see your physician for your checkup. It’s always best to anticipate problems instead of having to try to repair the damage that has already happened.
It is very smart and proactive to go out of your way to seek out information on how to strengthen the relationship and keep it going.
That is why I wanted to write this article for you on separation prevention today. I’d like to give you an in-depth article on everything you can do to protect your relationship with the one you love. So without further ado, let’s dive right in!
Understanding separation prevention
I want to get right into it, so let’s talk about the two greatest components of separation prevention. Independence and communication. One of the things I have to explain the most often when I am helping someone get back together with an ex is that one must never live solely for their significant other.
You have got to be able to stand on your own two feet if you truly want this relationship to thrive.
If you allow yourself to depend on your partner to be happy, you will start to create a serious unbalance in the relationship. They will pick up on this and it will become dangerously easy for them to take you for granted.
In addition to this, they’ll start to find you less and less attractive, because you will no longer present an exciting challenge, and you will stop being the person they fell in love with at the beginning of the relationship.
Many people don’t realize this. They end up finding out the hard way that when they stop living the life they had built for themselves before they got together with their partner, their partner will slowly begin to lose interest over time.
This is why we always talk about the importance of maintaining a sense of independence and making sure that you always nurturing your personal life, your goals, your hobbies, your physical fitness, and are spending time with your friends and family. The moment your world starts to revolve around your significant other, problems arise.
That is not to say that you should become cold and distant! It’s just about finding the right balance where you can nurture your relationship AND your personal life. So many relationships fall apart because a person neglects themselves and loses themselves in the relationship, and I do not want this for you.
Remember, it is not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy! The strongest relationships are comprised of two, strong individuals. I always tell my clients to remember that two halves do NOT make a whole. If you want a successful relationship and prevent separation, then you both need to be happy individuals that lead fulfilling lives.
You’ve got to be there for each other in your times of need when you are seeking, while being able to take care of your own happiness as well.
It is possible to find a balance between your personal life, your love life, your work life, your family life, etc. It just requires awareness, and it can truly save your relationship! In fact, this is one of the main things that can keep you safe from falling into codependency. Identifying a codependency problem can be challenging.
People often mistake it for “intense love” or that it’s happening because their trust was broken in a past relationship.
Let’s take my client Melissa for example. She was very codependent and relied on her partner for all of her emotional needs. She needed him to be there all the time and ended up being so suffocating that he almost ended their relationship.
Fortunately, she realized that her behavior was the root of the problem and reached out to us for help in time. We worked on restoring her sense of self-confidence and independence and their relationship is now thriving!
Communicating effectively to prevent separation
Proper communication is necessary in order for a relationship to become strong AND stay strong. It’s important to avoid waiting for things to fall apart before voicing your concerns to your partner. Challenge yourself to speak up on things that you’re struggling with, whether it’s emotional, your social life, kids, intimacy, your job, etc.
Being able to check in with each other is an extremely important element of separation prevention. If you’re unable to read their moods and reactions, you will either push them away or live like roommates under the same roof as the relationship begins to fall apart.
A relationship is truly like a garden that needs to be watered every day. It happens by taking care of yourself, making sure that you are fulfilled and happy, and by not relying on your partner to make you happy. Then by making sure that you are there for your significant other.
Watch out for them, communicate with them – and not only when things aren’t going well! Check in with each other, every single day. If you can challenge yourself to make a habit out of these actions, your relationship will become strong over the years. It will enable it to withstand the tests and challenges that pop up over time.
Another one of my favorite success stories happened in Arizona. Raymond called me asking how to be happy in his relationship with his long-term partner. He explained to me that he was investing everything he had into this relationship, even time he didn’t have to spend, and wondered why it wasn’t yielding the results he was expecting and looking for.
We realized, though, that he was so busy focusing on the relationship, that he started to completely neglect himself. He had no time for self-care, exercise, spending time with his friends. So, I gave him a game plan that he thought was very counter-intuitive at first. I told him to back off of the relationship a bit, and instead, spend time reconnecting with himself, and then – in one month, I told him to ask himself if he felt happier in the relationship.
A month comes and goes, and he sends me an email to thank me for encouraging him to make the counterintuitive decision of focusing on himself, because he’s never been happier in the relationship. Now, he’s showing his girlfriend all the new things he’s started doing, and she says she’s never been more attracted to him.
Separation prevention keys to start employing now!
Another thing that I often work on with my clients who want to make sure that they can prevent breaking up is trust. Without trust, a relationship will not thrive. Plain and simple.
It’s very important to have a sense of how much you trust your partner and how much they trust you. This is especially true because a lack of trust can bring about insecurity, instability, and resentment.
As you can imagine, it’s very hard to build a loving relationship if you don’t trust your partner! It’s important to always work hard to nurture trust because once it is broken, it is incredibly difficult to repair.
If it does get broken, you have to work on taking responsibility, apologizing, and seeking new insights into what your partner needs from you. You’ve got to showcase your change and remember that actions always speak louder than words. Make promises through actions and give your partner time.
If you broke their trust, don’t make it about you and give them time. If they broke your trust, commit to forgiving them every single day.
When I am working with a client on separation prevention, I always make it a point to talk about shared goals. If this relationship is going to thrive, you both need to be on the same page. And common goals don’t have to be long-term, big deal things like “two children,” especially if you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship.
A simple solution would be to plan a party together. You can plan and coordinate something together that is going to be fun, and this can help you grow. You can also plan a vacation together, or even charity work where you feel like you are making a difference and bringing happiness to other people’s lives.
Focus on short-term things that you can do to pave the foundation for long-term goals, like building a house and family.
Then there is also the issue of knowing when to talk about the unpleasant stuff. It’s very common for people to lose patience in a situation and choose that moment to have a serious conversation about the things that are making them unhappy in the relationship. But it is not the best moment to talk about the issues in your relationship when you are about to lose your cool.
In these moments a person is less patient, less understanding, and is more concerned with getting their point across and venting. If you want to talk about an issue, wait for a better moment when things are going well. This goes hand-in-hand with the lack of communication that I see in so many relationships, which incidentally is one of the biggest relationship killers.
The power of positive reinforcement when saving a relationship
I know that overtime tensions can arise in a relationship and it can start to feel like your nerves are on a short fuse. For example, let’s say that your partner is constantly late to everything and it drives you crazy. Instead of fighting about it the next time it happens, give them positive reinforcement the next time they are not late.
Positive reinforcement is a much more productive way to develop new patterns that will protect your relationship. If you tell your partner that their actions and behavior had a great effect on you, they will want to re-create the behavior in the future because they will feel like they will be rewarded.
Remember, if you express your needs as demands, can you become another chore or obligation, you act like the boss, or you make them see you as just another thing they have to do. Dating and relationships should be fun and your partner should feel that they can be themselves around you. If they have to censor who they are, the relationship is in jeopardy.
It is important to understand that relationships are hard and you will experience challenges. You will be tested. There are ups and downs but you were together for a reason. When things get tough remind yourself that you chose each other exclamation point! Timing is everything, so choose the right moment to talk about problems, practice empathy, understanding your partner, and their reasoning.
If you don’t understand, ask sincere questions. Be open to hearing their side of the story because it will help you to define solutions that are mutually beneficial. If your partner does not understand you, you can also ask questions to help them. For example, “How do you imagine that this makes me feel?” Or, “What do you think your wording means to me?” You can always help them see things from your point of view. Sometimes you don’t need to find a resolution immediately, and taking the time to process each side of the story can help you create perfect solutions overtime. This is always better than just putting a Band-Aid on the problem.
Mastering separation prevention
As this article comes to a close, I want to go over a summary of what I explained today. The most important elements of separation and prevention are cultivating a fulfilling personal life and proper communication. This is the foundation for everything that I went over. Without these two elements, it will be very hard to make a relationship thrive. On top of that, there needs to be an unshakable sense of trust and empathy.
So remember, if you want to preserve and protect your relationship, these are the things you need to keep in mind:
- Don’t live exclusively for your significant other
- It is not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy
- Two halves do not make a whole
- Be careful to protect against codependency
- Practice of effective communication
- Build trust in the relationship
- Make sure you have common projects
- Choose the right time to discuss issues so that you may find solutions
Here at Happily Committed, we have dedicated our lives to helping people create the love lives of their dreams. That is why we create so much content for you every single day via this website, our YouTube Channel, our masterclass webinars, and our products. There is a new product we’ve designed to help couples master the art of attraction to keep the passion alive in their relationships. To access it, all you have to do is click the link.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to prevent a breakup,