When you are faced with having to make the decision to keep fighting for your relationship or moving on, it can be enough to make you feel paralyzed.
I have been a love and relationship coach for many years now and I can tell you that one of the most common questions I receive in coaching sessions is, “Should I end this relationship or keep fighting to save it?” It’s a very painful place to be in, and if you’re reading this article today, then you’re in this situation as well.
Is it time to move on? Is your relationship worth fighting for? Is there any way to know for sure? Rest assured, there are answers to your questions and you have come to the right place to find them. In this article about moving on, I will be going over the biggest signs it’s time to let go and how to be confident in the decision you make.
This is a pivotal time for you and you can set yourself up for longterm success and happiness in your love life.
Here are Happily Committed, it is our goal to give you all of the tools and information you need to ensure that you can make the absolute best decision. We want to empower you to feel confident about the choice you make, and we want you to know that it is the best decision.
So whether you want to figure out if moving on would be the right choice for you, or if you’re struggling with moving on after a breakup, you’ve come to the right place. By the time you reach the end of this article, you will know what move to make.
What does moving on mean really?
When you’re thinking about moving on, it means that you’re exploring the idea of letting go of a relationship, turning the page, and moving forward with your life.
This article is not going to be about situations in which you’re just taking a break, and if you’d like to learn more about space in a relationship, I encourage you to read this article. This article will be dealing with the theme of exiting a relationship or a marriage for good.
It’s an extremely heavy topic, I know, but it does not have to be. If the time has come for you to start thinking about moving on, I want you to know that you can be embarking on one of the most beautiful periods of your life. I know that sounds hard to believe given the current state of things, but believe me.
I’ve been in this line of work for long enough to tell you that the end of a relationship, even if it was a longterm one, can be one of the biggest blessings in disguise. Why?
Simply because it grants you the opportunity to usher in a new kind of life that is much more fulfilling, thereby paving the way to a much more fulfilling relationship as well! Many times I work with a client on moving on, and they end up coming back to me later on down the line to say thank you for helping them begin the next chapter of their life that ended up being filled with unprecedented joys.
Take Marcy for example. She just messaged me yesterday with this email:
“I wanted to write to you to give you a little update. You remember how hard it was for me to leave my marriage and divorce Fred, but things were so different after I did.
I took your advice and started spending all my free time trying out new things on my own and with my friends, I started working out and going to the gym at least twice a week, I started to take my goals really seriously, and I can honestly tell you that I’ve never felt better. I’ve never felt more proud of myself and I can feel it in the way that I talk to people I meet now.
I never thought that it would take me leaving my marriage to become the person I wanted to be, and I’ve even met someone new. It’s really early still but I feel really good about it, and I like the way that I am around him. I feel so at ease and confident. Anyway, I just wanted to give you an update and say thanks again 🙂 “
I love getting messages like this and I am happy to say that I receive them often. So, my point is this. Though this could be a very difficult choice to make, if you determine that it is the right choice to make and you use this opportunity to become the new and improved version of yourself, your life will transform into something better than ever before. I’ll expand on that in a little bit though. First, let’s go over what signs it’s time to move on.
Moving on: How to know if it’s time
Let me be clear. Our specialty here at Happily Committed is helping people to stay together, and we will always go the extra mile to help you to repair and strengthen your relationship, but there ARE some cases in which separation is the right move. We will never lie to you or try to convince you to continue to fight for a relationship that has run its course. Our goal is to empower you to help you to create the love life of your dreams, and sometimes, the opportunity to renew your love life arises from a crisis. For that reason, I want to give you the biggest signs to keep an eye out for if you’re thinking about moving on but are unsure.
Thinking about letting go and moving on : Having no regrets
The most important thing for you right now is to have no regrets. If you feel like you have truly done everything in your power to make it work and you still have not been able to, then it’s probably best to start thinking about moving on. When you move on from a relationship, you give yourself the opportunity to find the right person with whom you can create a common life project, someone who reflects your values, someone who will enable you to start a family and become a better person…
If you’re with someone who is not trying to meet you halfway and this relationship just is not improving, you can find great peace in moving on. One person cannot make a relationship work; it’s a two-person job. Even if you think that it would be a terrible shame to throw in the towel and give up on this relationship after everything you’ve done for it, and with all the potential you feel it has, it’s not going to work if you’re the only one fighting over a sustained period of time. And by a sustained period of time, I mean months or years.
So, if you know in your heart of hearts that you’ve done everything you could and it still didn’t work, then it’s time to think about letting go.
Time to move on: When the appreciation is gone
Another big indicator that it’s time to move on is when your partner only looks at you with disgust or contempt. It’s time to move on when you’re with someone who has no regard for who you are, what you bring to the table, and who doesn’t treat you well. This is a pattern that I’ve seen over the years. When a relationship sours, people stop being able to see the good in their partners and it creates resentment and deep-seeded tension.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and if your partner doesn’t, if you’re in a relationship where you’re feeling emotionally (or physically!) abused, then you need to exit. Incredible things are waiting for you on the other side if you take control of your happiness and your love life. I know it’s painful and scary, I know that it makes you feel anxious, but I’ll say it again. This can be an incredible blessing in disguise. I don’t want you to be with a person that is a narcissist, who is manipulative or only focuses on themselves. You deserve so much more than that.
Moving on when you’ve scarified too much
If you feel like you have had to sacrifice your friends and your family, who you are as a person, and your values for this relationship to work and it still isn’t working, then perhaps you could consider moving on. Sometimes the people that realize that they have to move on are broken, perhaps by their past or perhaps by this relationship, and that’s OK. I have seen some of the people that were the most broken turn into some of the most confident and happiest people I know.
These experiences help us to evolve into the new and improved, 2.0 versions of ourselves. As we are committed to helping you find real happiness in your love life by making the right changes and the right choices, we have created this program for you on moving on. It is the perfect tool to dive deeper and transform your life. To access it, just click the link.
Moving on when it’s not worth fighting for anymore: unbalance
Another big sign that it’s time to move on is when your partner consistently puts their needs ahead of yours. If even after you’ve worked on communication, tried to rebuild a healthier relationship, a stronger foundation, their happiness still comes at your expense over and over, it’s time to move on. A relationship has run its course when you’re feeling drained, overwhelmed, and empty, and it feels like there is only one person that exists in your relationship, your partner.
Then there’s the blame game. It’s common for people to argue and bicker in relationships, but in healthy relationships, partners don’t always point fingers at each other at any chance they get. It’s a lot easier to blame someone else than take accountability for your own actions, but if after months or even years, you’re constantly blaming each other, it’s a sign to move on.
Moving on after a breakup: the key
For some of you reading this article right now, I know that you’ve already gone through the breakup or divorce and you’re looking for help moving on. In many cases, I know that the love is still there, but this is where a very important phrase comes in:
If you love them, let them go.
I know that this might sound confusing or frustrating, but it is a message of self-empowerment, happiness, and detachment. There is a common correlation between intense feelings of love and control, and more specifically, feeling out of control. The more out of control you feel in love, the more like it is that you will feel intense feelings of being in love and needing someone. That’s why these emotions are so overwhelming after experiencing a breakup that maybe you didn’t want.
Interestingly enough, I have coached so many people that were thinking about breaking up with their significant others and moving on, but when their significant others beat them to it, they lost their minds. They felt like they lost their soulmate, and it’s not rational; it’s emotional. When this happens, we lose control and overvalue what was “taken” from us. So why am I saying that you have to let this person go if you love them? It is simply because you need to detach from wanting to control the outcome at all costs. If not, you’ll wind up feeling desperate, and this is not the path to a happier future! I want to empower you and the reality is that not enough people value themselves, so the love that they feel for their ex becomes overwhelming, suffocating, and draining. So you need to give yourself oxygen again. I highly recommend reading this article on how to bounce back after a painful breakup, as it will give you more tools to overcome this period!
The truth is, you are actually in control of the outcome. You’re in control of the outcome for YOU. In any relationship, even if you’re madly in love with someone, you should never be the one chasing and you should always be the one on the pedestal.
Letting go with grace and peace of mind is possible
As difficult as things may seem in the current moment, I want you to rest assured that you can get through this. It can be one of the most incredibly transformative experiences of your life. Here at Happily Committed, we want to help you every step of the way. If you would like one on one coaching and a tailor-made action plan, all you have to do is click here to work with me or a member of my team.
And remember, if you’re on the fence about whether or not you should move on, remember these points.
1. If you know you have no regrets and you’ve tried everything you possibly could,
2. You have become the only one who tries,
3. Your partner looks at you with disgust or contempt,
4. You’ve had to sacrifice so many things and it still isn’t working,
5. Your partner has put all of their needs ahead of yours,
6. They’ve cut you off from your friends and family,
Then it’s probably time to move on. If neither of you is willing to change, it’s time to turn the page.
If you’ve already made the decision to move on and are struggling, remember that this is an opportunity to transform your life into something better. You aren’t alone in this and you can always reach out to us. We have plenty of videos on our YouTube Channel and articles on moving on that you can read, right here.
I sincerely wish you the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re thinking about moving on,