If you’re in love with a married man and also happen to be married, like Alicia, I want to go over some pointers that will help.
When you got married to your husband, you never thought that one day down the line you would fall in love with someone else. On top of that, the person you have fallen for is married to someone else. So, what do you do?
Well, I went over the harsh reality of how complicated it is to forge a serious relationship with a man who is married to another woman, but we also need to take a look at how this is going to affect your life. If you are torn between leaving your current relationship for someone else and staying, the first thing I encourage you to do is to identify the reasons why you fell in love with someone else. Think about what happened, how you got to this place, how long it took you to develop such strong feelings for this man?
The important thing here is to identify how you were feeling before you met this other person? How were you feeling in your marriage? Studies show that people who engage in an affair with another person don’t do so because they’re sexually attracted to someone new; they do it because they feel unappreciated and unloved by their spouse. In the majority of cases, the person who falls in love with someone who is not their husband feels overlooked and neglected by their husband. Now, when they’re feeling valued and loved by another person, the new relationship starts to feel much stronger than the neglected marriage. They feel that spark, that excitement, and the new attention they’re getting makes them feel alive again.
So if you are feeling all the things that you haven’t been receiving from your spouse from this new person, ask yourself this: Are you in love with this new person or with this new feeling?
By determining the reason that you were able to open your heart to someone new, you will find it much easier to make an informed decision on which person you truly want to be with. Do you want to save your marriage or not? Do you want to be with this new person, or not? Do you want to confess to your spouse, or not? Answering these tough questions and deciding how you want to move forward is going to be considerably easier if you really understand how you got here in the first place.
At this juncture, you need to get out of this limbo where you love someone who isn’t your spouse.
Falling in love with a married man who isn’t your husband: An important question to ask
When you’ve found yourself in a situation in which you’re thinking, “Help, I’m in love with a married man and I don’t know if I should leave my husband for him,” I have another question that you need to ask yourself. How did you feel about your spouse in the beginning?
Right now, the feelings that you are experiencing for this other person are very intense and they are very exciting, but it’s important to think about how you felt about your husband when he was new in your life. Did you feel similar to how you are feeling right now? Chances are that you don’t know this new person that well, and that is a big difference between him and your husband. You have to remember that one day, he will no longer feel like something new and fresh in your life, and you have to know think about whether or not you’re prepared to throw away your marriage for this. It’s an uncomfortable thought for sure, but you need to ask yourself if you are willing to throw away what you built with the person you thought would be The One for you, for a hypothetical future with someone that will one day feel much less exciting to you than they do today.
So take some time to ask yourself the hard questions and make sure that you aren’t leaving your husband because you imagine that this new person will stay “new” forever. It is so important to think this through before you decide to end your marriage. One of the worst things we can experience in life is regret, and you are in a period right now where you need to weigh it out. Don’t rush your decision making process and allow yourself to really think about every element of this.
As this article comes to a close, I want to summarize what we went over in this article today. I want to ensure that you don’t wind up with any regrets and that you set yourself up for long-term happiness in love.
If you have fallen for someone that is married, the first thing you have to remember is to keep space between you. By doing so, you set boundaries, you protect yourself, and you naturally become a challenge. Next, you want to make it easy for him to see a future with you. The way you do this is simply by building a future for yourself that you’re excited about. All men want to be happy, just like you do, and I cannot stress the importance of this enough – both in your personal life and in a potential future relationship with this man.
To make sure that he can give you what you want, talk about your life and your projects and see how he reacts.
And always remember that there are 7 billion people on this planet so I highly encourage you to find a person who is available to love you in the way that you deserve.
If you happen to be married as well, I encourage you to ask yourself some tough questions that will help you to make the best possible choice:
What are the reasons you fell in love with someone else?
How did you feel about your husband in the beginning?
What are the reasons you want to leave your partner?
It’s so easy to assume that the grass is always greener on the other side, but you know the saying. It’s greenest where you water it. Remember, this new person can feel like something new; like another type of season, but eventually you will see a winter there, too. You will experience bad days, you will experience the routine again, and it has nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with you and the type of person you want to be. It has everything to do with the type of person you want to remember yourself later on down the line.
Remember, if you need a helping hand through any of this, I encourage you to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. Together, we can analyze your situation, ask you pertinent questions, and lay out the groundwork for a truly gratifying love life with the person you’re meant to be with.
I sincerely wish you all the best,
Your coach when you’re in love with a married man