If you have sought out this article, it means that you have found yourself in a tricky situation. You either know for a fact, or you suspect that your husband is cheating and lying, and you want to know what to do about it.
This is a common topic that comes up in our coaching sessions, so I wanted to dedicate a special article to it. Today I will be going over what to do when your husband cheats and lies. As challenging as this period may be, I don’t want you to think that your relationship is doomed.
As I often tell my clients, sometimes the hardest moments in a relationship serve as a catalyst for very positive change. In many cases, when a couple is faced with challenges of this caliber, it winds up being a huge blessing in disguise simply because without it, the relationship would never have had the electroshock that forced it to set out on a new, healthier path.
So, as hard as things might be at the moment, I want you to pay attention to your mindset. If you can approach this with the knowledge that this period can end up serving a powerful purpose that sets your relationship up for longterm success, then you’re already making big improvements.
My goal today is to provide you with some peace of mind, AND the tools you need to fix the situation. Cheating and lying will be a thing of the past, so let’s get started, shall we?
When your husband cheats and lies: Creating a new foundation
If you are struggling with having to deal with a husband who is cheating and lying to know, I want you to know that we are here to help. It can be a very heavy burden to carry, and I know how challenging it can be.
As I mentioned in the introduction to this article, this is a common issue that we encounter in our one on one coaching sessions with our clients. I know that when you come to the realization that the person you love most is betraying you, it can feel like your entire world is crumbling around you.
If you’re familiar with our philosophy then you’ve probably heard me say that trust is something that arrives on foot, but leaves on horseback. In other words, it takes a long time for trust to be build and established, and it can be shattered in the blink of an eye.
Now, that said, it does not mean that trust cannot be restored! This is where working with a professional like me or a member of my team can be so beneficial, and this is why we have dedicated our lives to giving you all the tips and tools you need to experience the love life of your dreams.
We have hundreds of blog articles, videos on YouTube, books, webinars, and programs, all designed to help you coach yourself at home through whatever type of challenge you are experiencing in your relationship.
If you would like to work with me or a member of my team one on one, all you have to do is click here.
To dive into today’s topic, I would like to begin by talking a bit more about the notion of trust in a relationship. When you have a partner who is cheating or lying to you, it can bring instability to every aspect of your life. Not only does it make you doubt your partner’s feelings and your relationship, it will also make you doubt yourself.
One of the worst things about infidelity is that it makes the person who was cheated on begin to wonder what they did wrong and whether they were worthy of what happened.
While it is true that a relationship is a two way road and that both partner’s have a certain role in the current state of things, I do not want you to think that your partner’s cheating is your fault. There is no good excuse for infidelity and lies.
And this brings me to my first piece of advice. You need to accept your feelings! Suppressing your feelings about what’s going on is only going to make matters worse.
It is okay for you to be hurt and sad, and feel betrayed. If your partner is trying to gaslight you and make you feel that your feelings are not valid, or that you shouldn’t be feeling upset about his cheating and lying, then it is important for you to begin to distance yourself until you can fully recover.
I want to be very clear about this. If your partner shows no remorse or if he is trying to gaslight you, you are looking at toxic behavior. If this is the case for you, I encourage you to read this article on toxic relationships so that you can learn how to handle this in the best possible way.
What to do when your husband cheats an lies: Revenge
When it comes to light that you’ve been lied to, I know that it might feel very natural to want to seek revenge. When we are hurt by the person we love, we sometimes lose control or we wind up wanting to make them feel the same exact pain.
I have seen so many cases in which a person who was cheated on is so upset, that they go out and do the same exact thing. I cannot stress the importance of NOT doing this enough. I know that you might think that it will feel good in the moment, but believe me when I say that this will only make things worse.
Seeking revenge will never bring you longterm joy or satisfaction. It will only deepen the rift between you and your partner, and it will only create more damage to your core beliefs and values. Don’t try to hurt him because he hurt you.
Another piece of advice that I have for you is to make sure that you don’t drag your friends and family into this. I know that you’re feeling hurt and betrayed right now, but pitting your loved ones against your husband will only provide you with temporary satisfaction.
The truth is that if you want to repair your relationship, you and your husband are going to have to operate as a team. This becomes very hard when everyone around you is against him.
So make sure that you keep other people out of your fight. And, most importantly, keep your children out of it. It is very tempting to vent and subconsciously try to get everyone on your side, but this can put a huge strain on your family and your children can wind up carrying the burden from this for years to come.
It is best for you to deal with this in the appropriate ways with your partner. In no way does this mean that you cannot talk about this with anyone, but I advise against putting your husband on blast and airing out your dirty laundry with everyone around you.
It will only come back to bite you later on down the line. You can talk to people that help you, but don’t involve other people in the drama of it all. Make sure that you are making choices that are productive and beneficial to the future outcome of this relationship.
I know how easy it is to let your anger and frustration wash over you, and you have every right to be furious, but the decisions you make today on how you handle is will dictate the future of your relationship.
A good tool for helping to empty the “emotional reservoir,” as we like to call it, is physical exercise. The more that you can physically exert yourself, the more tension you release from your body and your mind. On top of that, you will be releasing dopamine and oxytocin, both of which are chemicals that make you feel better.
You will also sleep better at night when you exert your body during the day. This is something to keep in mind because I know how stressful a period like this can be. Anxiety and all kinds of negative emotions can keep you up for hours at night, and getting rest is crucial. The more mentally exhausted you are, the harder it will be to approach this situation in a productive way.
He cheated and lied: Remember that people can change
First, however, you really need to give yourselves the time and space to heal on an individual level. It is not realistic to expect to be able to get over cheating and lying overnight. It is something that will take a considerable amount of time. If you are dedicated to healing, then it will happen.
I just want you to be aware of the fact that it is something that will require time and patience. Patience with yourself, patience with your partner, and patience with the situation.
You need to give your husband the opportunity to re-earn your trust, and this is very hard to do if you don’t allow yourself the time you need to heal. now, that said, it is not your job to fight for this marriage to work. He has a lot of work to do now to regain your trust.
We have written extensive articles on this and I encourage you to read this one on how to repair your relationship after your partner cheated on you. It is a goldmine of knowledge and I really encourage you to read it.
For now, I want you to know that the road to recovery will require you to be gentle with yourself and with each other. It will be a period of learning what went wrong that lead to this situation, and what you two need to do as a team to fix it.
He cheated and lied about it: Repairing the damage
At the end of the day, you are in a very complex situation. As I said, this is what we do, and I invite you to reach out for coaching. By asking you targetted questions, we can pinpoint precisely what went wrong in the relationship, and which solutions would be the best ones for your specific situation. We can give you a tailor-made action planned that not only helps you both to heal from the cheating and the lies, but help you pave the way to a brand new relationship with each other in which this will never happen again.
Cheating does not signify the end of a relationship. It is merely a wakeup call that can help you to transform your marriage and become closer than ever. It is important to understand that cheating is a problem, but it is not the main problem. Cheating is a symptom of a deeper rooted issue that needs to be addressed, and that is where we come in.
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I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love.
Your coach when you want to know what to do when your husband cheats and lies