When it comes to light that you’ve been lied to, I know that it might feel very natural to want to seek revenge. When we are hurt by the person we love, we sometimes lose control or we wind up wanting to make them feel the same exact pain. I have seen so many cases in which a person who was cheated on is so upset, that they go out and do the same exact thing. I cannot stress the importance of NOT doing this enough. I know that you might think that it will feel good in the moment, but believe me when I say that this will only make things worse.
Seeking revenge will never bring you longterm joy or satisfaction. It will only deepen the rift between you and your partner, and it will only create more damage to your core beliefs and values. Don’t try to hurt him because he hurt you. Another piece of advice that I have for you is to make sure that you don’t drag your friends and family into this. I know that you’re feeling hurt and betrayed right now, but pitting your loved ones against your husband will only provide you with temporary satisfaction. The truth is that if you want to repair your relationship, you and your husband are going to have to operate as a team. This becomes very hard when everyone around you is against him.
So make sure that you keep other people out of your fight. And, most importantly, keep your children out of it. It is very tempting to vent and subconsciously try to get everyone on your side, but this can put a huge strain on your family and your children can wind up carrying the burden from this for years to come.
It is best for you to deal with this in the appropriate ways with your partner. In no way does this mean that you cannot talk about this with anyone, but I advise against putting your husband on blast and airing out your dirty laundry with everyone around you. It will only come back to bite you later on down the line. You can talk to people that help you, but don’t involve other people in the drama of it all. Make sure that you are making choices that are productive and beneficial to the future outcome of this relationship.
I know how easy it is to let your anger and frustration wash over you, and you have every right to be furious, but the decisions you make today on how you handle is will dictate the future of your relationship.
A good tool for helping to empty the “emotional reservoir,” as we like to call it, is physical exercise. The more that you can physically exert yourself, the more tension you release from your body and your mind. On top of that, you will be releasing dopamine and oxytocin, both of which are chemicals that make you feel better. You will also sleep better at night when you exert your body during the day. This is something to keep in mind because I know how stressful a period like this can be. Anxiety and all kinds of negative emotions can keep you up for hours at night, and getting rest is crucial. The more mentally exhausted you are, the harder it will be to approach this situation in a productive way.