There is no doubt about it. If you sense that your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you, it becomes hard to think about anything else.
You feel anxious and on edge, suspicious and frustrated, and all you want are answers. But if you don’t have concrete evidence? How can you tell if someone is cheating on you? Should you ask them point blank? What if they don’t tell you the truth?
I know that there are so many questions surrounding this topic and it can feel really challenging to figure out the right plan of action, but that’s what I am here for. I want to give you all the tips and tools you need to approach the situation in the best way possible.
I want to give you some clarity and guidance that I am able to offer after having coached tens of thousands of people in the same exact situation. In today’s article, I am going to go over the warning signs that a person is cheating on you, but I will also go into how to address the problem.
If you’ve been wondering, “Is he cheating on me and is there any way to know for sure,” you have come to the right place! So let’s get right into it, shall we?
Is he cheating on me: The likelihood
Cheating has become a huge problem in relationships today. I would say that our culture is partially to blame because we are constantly being primed to want new things, acquire more, and get rid of things when they are no longer shiny and new instead of try to fix them.
This mindset trickles into romantic relationships and I often see people stray outside of their relationship when they feel that there is something lacking instead of trying to fix it up and let it be at its full potential again.
As you can imagine, here are Happily Committed, we have dedicated our lives to teaching people how to experience the happiest relationships of their lives, so we want to make sure we provide you with everything you need to know to conquer infidelity and keep the threat of cheating out of your relationship for good.
Each and every one of us deserves to be with a partner who genuinely loves us, and to experience love that grows out of choice and reason.
That kind of love requires effort and discipline on both sides, so if your boyfriend is cheating on you, then there are some changes that need to be made. Before I get into that though, I want to take a moment to stress the importance of this article. Throughout my career, I have noticed some alarming statistics regarding cheating.
I am not telling you this to scare you, but I want you to be aware of how common this problem is. For this reason, I commend you for not turning a blind eye. Many people choose to ignore their intuition and ignore the signs that there is a problem until the situation is beyond repair.
To give you an idea about cheating:
⁃ The percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%
⁃ The percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 57%
⁃ The percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54
⁃ The average length of an affair: 2 years
⁃ The percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%
⁃ The percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%
As you can see, this means that there is a problem in our society and in the way that we operate within our relationships. We also need to keep in mind that cheating can mean different things to different people.
For example, one person might feel that emotional cheating is the same as physical cheating whereas their partner might not share the same opinion at all. It is essential to have these types of conversations with your husband or boyfriend, ideally before you start wondering “Is he cheating on me.
At the end of the day, the definition of cheating really boils down to one thing: doing something that you KNOW your partner would view as a betrayal. Whether it’s lying about being married and flirting with another person, whether it’s having sex with someone that is not your partner, whether it’s messaging with someone on Instagram…
If your partner were to find out and feel like you were acting inappropriately behind their back, it constitutes cheating. This is why it is so important to have these conversations and make sure that you’re on the same page.
Sure, people tend to unanimously agree that having sex with someone that isn’t your significant other constitutes cheating, but what about flirting with someone at a bar? What about comments on social media? By making things blatantly clear between you and your partner, you have a significantly higher chance of steering clear of cheating in your relationship.
Now, what if you sense that it might already be a problem? Let’s take a look at how to tell if he’s cheating on you.
Signs he is cheating: The early warning signs
It’s very important to take some time to really analyze the facts here. Accusing someone of cheating is a very big deal, and if you accuse your boyfriend or husband and wind up being wrong, it can leave a lasting effect. It can seriously damage the trust between you and create a negative shift in the dynamic of the relationship. For this reason, I want to give you some of the main things to keep an eye out for when you’re looking for signs he’s cheating.
The first thing we need to keep an eye out for, of course, is your gut feeling. That is probably what lead you to this article in the first place. The truth is that in the majority of cases where a person comes to me because their intuition tells them that something is wrong, it’s because there is. Now, here’s the important thing: This doesn’t automatically mean that he’s cheating on you. If you get the sense that something is off, it can mean that there is something off in your relationship but it doesn’t necessarily have to do with cheating. There could be an issue with communication, there could be a disconnect, there could be something that is bothering your partner that he hasn’t shared with you… There are countless possibilities but what you need to know is that it’s very important to pay attention to your gut.
So let’s dive deeper. Another one of the signs he’s cheating on you is when he stops confiding in you. If your partner has started to keep everything to himself, it means that he’s not letting you in like before. This often goes hand in hand with lying often, namely about trivial things. It’s not a good sign if he starts hiding where he’s going, what he’s doing, who he’s talking to, what he did yesterday, etc… This is especially something to pay attention to if he used to be way more forthcoming with information. I also encourage you to pay attention to how defensive he gets when you ask him a simple question.
For example, let’s say you ask him,
“Hey, how was your evening last night? What were you up to?”
And he responds in a way that makes you feel like he’s frustrated that you would ask, or like he feels that you’re “constantly needing to keep tabs on him,” he could be hiding something.
Look at whether he has become secretive about his phone. Has he changed the passcode? Does he hide the screen from you? Has he started to place the phone screen-side down on the table? Has your boyfriend or husband started to delete his emails, messages and call logs? Sudden secrecy is not a good sign at all and it is something that you need to pay close attention to if you are looking for signs your man is cheating.
How to tell if he’s cheating: Changes in behavior
When you’re thinking about clues that your boyfriend is cheating on you, another sign to keep an eye on is sudden changes in your partner’s sexual appetite. I have noticed that when a person is cheating, they will either stop wanting to have sex with their significant other, or they will suddenly want much more sex than usual. This is closely linked to guilt and adrenaline, so keep an eye on this.
This goes hand in hand with another indicator that your man is cheating. Has he started to care more about his look? The way he dresses, his fitness? Pay attention to sudden shifts like this that make you feel like he is taking better care of himself but seems indifferent to what you think about his changes.
When this happens, it is often accompanied by a change in a person’s spending habits. Is your boyfriend buying better clothes or anything that he can show off? And this one comes as a no-brainer. If you notice that your partner’s new spending habits include things that could be considered as gifts for other women, but you are not the recipient… something’s up.
Another aspect of changed behavior that we need to factor in is whether or not he has begun to act suspicious of YOU! This is an interesting phenomenon that often happens when a person is cheating. It comes from a place of guilt and shame, and people will do this to try to deflect the blame. They’ll try to make themselves feel better about their own actions by operating under the assumption that you’re doing the same exact thing. This might feel very out of character for your boyfriend, so if you notice something like this happening, he might be doing the very thing he is accusing you of.
We also need to pay attention to whether or not he disappears for long periods of time and has his phone off. This is especially important if he didn’t tend to do this before. You should also pay attention to how his friends and colleagues act around you. If they start being shady about how your boyfriend has been spending his time, or they try to avoid telling you things, it’s not a good sign.
These are all indicators that something is up, and you need to address the issue. If you are recognizing all of the signs that I have gone over, there is a good chance that your boyfriend is cheating, and you’re going to have a conversation about it.
Is he cheating on you and how to talk about it
The key to success here is to give yourself some time to calm your emotions before you bring it up. If you go into this with guns blazing, you’ll be in attack-mode, which doesn’t help anything. Instead, take some time to gather your thoughts and choose a private and calm place to confront him about it. Remember, the goal of this conversation is to be productive and to figure out solutions.
If possible, try to ensure that you have undeniable proof. As I said above, when you accuse someone of cheating on you, it’s a pretty big deal and if you end up being wrong, it can cause serious cracks in the foundation of trust in your relationship. If you’re operating on intuition and there are many things that are contributing to your sense of unease in the relationship, you can bring this to your partner’s attention. You can open up a conversation about how you’re feeling and what your worries are. If you go into this pointing fingers and stating that your partner is cheating, he will be far less likely to open up and have a productive conversation with you.
When you start talking about the cheating, your focus should be gathering information about why your significant other was unfaithful rather than asking for juicy details about what happened between him and the other person. I know how tempting it can be to want to know everything about that aspect of this, but believe me when I say that that should not be your focus. By focusing more on what caused your relationship to wind up here, you can start to zero on in the appropriate solutions. Don’t rub salt in the wound by asking excessive questions about the other person or what they did or didn’t do together.
If the conversation proves to be difficult because your boyfriend denies the truth or tries to gaslight you, you can bring in a trusted third party, like a family member or a friend. It is also wise to let someone you trust know about the conversation you’re going to have to have with your boyfriend so that he or she can be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on. Being cheated on is incredibly painful and it will take some time to heal from it. The good news, however, is that your relationship CAN survive cheating.
Repairing the damage after the signs he’s cheating on me
As difficult as it may be to believe when you’re in the thick of it all, it is possible to survive cheating in the relationship. It just all depends on mindset and teamwork. You’ve got to reshape your thinking and let yourself believe that you two can bounce back from this.
Cheating is usually always the symptom of a deeper rooted issue and it can serve as a catalyst for very positive change when you allow it to be a wakeup call. You must also remind yourself that it takes time to heal from cheating and it’s not something that is just going to magically happen overnight. It is very difficult for a person to work through an issue when they are blinded by strong emotions, and painful or difficult emotions get stronger and more intimidating when they are fought or suppressed. This is why I always stress the importance of giving yourself time to organize your thoughts before going into the convention and the healing period that ensues.
When cheating happens in a relationship, it means it’s time to start over. It’s time to lay out a new foundation so that you can rebuild your bond and create an environment where both of your hearts feel safe. The thing is, when a person is cheated on, it can significantly influence their ability to love themselves. It’s often less about how cheating affects a person’s perception of their partner and more about how cheating affects their perception of themselves. If your boyfriend is cheating and you want to stay together, finding the appropriate ways to nourish your self esteem and your confidence will be crucial in this journey back to self acceptance and accepting your boyfriend after this big mistake.
In addition to that, accepting that saving your relationship will not be easy is a way to help you stay motivated even when it seems tough. Good change, like bad change, does not happen overnight, and it’s important that you view this journey as a marathon and not a sprint. Do not lose patience. It will help you see the results.
I highly encourage you to read this in-depth article we’ve created on how to overcome infidelity in a relationship. This article is coming to a close so I won’t have the space to go into all the tips and tools we have available for you but you will find everything you need to know in the article I just mentioned. In addition to that, please know that we are always here to help and all you have to do is click here to work with me or a member of my team. Together, we can analyze your situation and pinpoint the most effective solutions for your relationship.
Recognizing the signs your man is cheating
As this article comes to a close, I want to summarize the signs he’s cheating on you one last time. The better idea you have of what to be on the lookout for, the easier it becomes to get a clear picture of what’s going on.
• He stops confiding in you
• You notice he lies often and about trivial things
• He all of a sudden doesn’t want to have sex / or all of a sudden want a lot of it
• He becomes secretive about his phone / computers and deletes messages, call logs, and emails
• He starts to accuse you of cheating because he is self conscious
• He starts to care more about his look
• You notice a change in his spending habits
• He acts shady about who he’s with and what he’s doing
• He disappears and shuts his phone off for long period of time
• You have the strong suspicion that something is wrong
• His friends or coworkers start acting different around you
• Your intuition tells you he’s not faithful
If you recognize these signs, make sure that you enter into the conversation with all much calm as you can. This will help you to identity what went wrong and what you two are going to do about it. If you end up determining that you will need couples counseling, we are available to you for that, as well.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are wondering, “Is he cheating on me”,