Unfortunately, we live in a day and age where many relationships do not withstand the test of time. We are constantly being fed Hollywood romances and Disney movies that never really teach us how to be happy in a relationship in the long term. We’re excited about the relationship while it’s in its honeymoon phase but what happens when it’s time for the next stage?
A lot of people drift apart simply because they don’t know how to cultivate a long term relationship in which both partners feel happy and fulfilled, and that’s why there are so many breakups. But what if I were to tell you that it actually isn’t that hard to strengthen your relationship to make sure it’s going to last?
I’ve written today’s article on how to be happy in a relationship so that I can share some valuable tips and tools with you that are going to serve you for a very long time! You are in control of a lot more than you might realize, and your relationship can thrive with the help of the simple tips and tools that I’m going to go over right here!
I want to highlight the key to success right off the bat. Your ability to be happy in a relationship directly correlates to your ability to be happy with yourself.
The moment you start to allow your happiness to depend on your relationship or your partner’s actions or moods, you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage and are doing yourself a disservice. Loving yourself and loving the life you life are the things that will have the biggest impact on your happiness in a relationship.
When I tell people this, it often catches them off guard. They’ll be talking about what they wish their partner did differently and how they’ve been trying to get their significant other to want to spend more time with them, but it really just boils down to the fact that if you are not happy with the life you’re creating for yourself, it’s going to be very hard to cultivate a happy relationship.
Of course the relationship requires maintenance and a conscious effort, but the very first thing to pay attention to is how much you actually love yourself and your life. Why?
Because you can love another only as much as you can love yourself.
To illustrate my point, let me tell you about a person that I recently worked with. She asked that I don’t use her real name, so I’m going to call her Ana. By the way, this is one of my favorite success stories!
So Ana lives in Arizona and she called me asking about how to be happy in a relationship again with her long term partner. She told me that she was investing everything she had into her relationship, even time she didn’t have to spend, and wondered why it wasn’t yielding the results she was looking for.
After working together, we realized that she was so busy focussing on her relationship, that she was actually completely neglecting herself. She had no time for self-care, exercise, or even spending time with her girlfriends. So, I gave her a game plan that surprised her quite a bit. I told her to back off of her relationship a bit, and instead, spend time reconnecting with herself. Then, in one month, I told her to ask herself if she felt happier in her relationship.
The month comes and goes, and she sends me an email thanking me for encouraging her to make the counterintuitive decision of focusing on herself, because she’s never been happier in her relationship. Now, she’s showing her boyfriend all the new things she’s been doing, and he says he’s never been more attracted to her! The moral of this success story is that you can only be as happy in a relationship as you are as an individual. Embrace this process and you can see the same results!
So as you can see, the answer to “How to be in a happy and healthy relationship” is actually pretty simple. It’s all about trading a life that YOU are proud! Instead of focusing on your partner all the time, focus on how to start living a life that you love.
My recommendation is to start filling up your schedule with people and activities that bring you joy. Use this time to engage in new activities. Have you been meaning to try out yoga? Have you always had an interest in learning to play guitar? Carve out time for these activities and your life is going to start to feel even more rewarding. The more you do for yourself, the happier you will be!
Challenge yourself to learn new things. It can be so exciting – we never have to stop learning. How about downloading DuoLingo and learning a new language? What if you took up boxing? Or how about taking evening classes in something that could benefit your personal interests or even your career? The opportunities are endless, and now is the perfect time to think about how you can challenge yourself. You’ll be happy you did when your personal life AND relationship start to thrive!
The more things you fill your schedule with right now, the better. A lot of people don’t realize that making their own lives really interesting can make their relationship better because it allows them to bring new topics to explore and talk about with their partner. If things feel monotonous and predictable, it’s much easier to find yourself in a boring or unhappy relationship.
Another thing that you can easily incorporate into your daily lives are common projects. If both of you can commit to doing something exciting and/or gratifying together, you can strengthen the bond. It is an excellent way to stay happy in your relationship!
So you could commit to a summer club team after work and work with people once or twice a week. You could also do something on a bigger scale like buying a “fixer-upper”m house! Work on projects together and you will strengthen your bond and create a deeper sense of complicity.
It’s not uncommon for people to struggle with feelings of depression or unhappiness in their own lives, so it’s crucial that you pay attention to these things. If you feel that your mental or emotional health isn’t as sound as you would like it to be, take the right step and find a mental health professional who can support you.
This can save your relationship and enhance the quality of your life! Another helpful tool is practicing yoga or meditation. These things can help you to check in with yourself and take care of yourself, and the importance of your personal well being should never be underestimated.
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Getting a breathe of fresh air is always a fantastic way to spark some joy in your relationship. I encourage you to organize a trip together, even if it’s just for the weekend.
And if you can’t make a trip happen right now, become more adventurous and discover new places in your own city. This will help you to spend quality time together and you will be building a relationship based on new and thrilling experiences. This is a surefire way to keep things feeling fresh and fight off the dreaded routine!
It’s worthwhile to note that no one is perfect, and there will always be little things that bug us about the people that we are with, but if you want to have a happy relationship, you’ve got to work to accept your partner even when you don’t like their behavior. Being in a happy relationship requires unconditional love, so make sure this isn’t neglected.
When a person does something that nags you or rubs you the wrong way when they’re upset, it can be easy to take it personally. If you want to maintain a happy relationship, then it’s important to be able to learn to help your partner let off steam instead of taking their frustrations with external situations personally.
On the flip side, its also important to be able to vulnerable with the person you love. If something is hurting you or affecting you in any way, don’t put up walls. In order for a relationship to thrive, both people need to let each other in and work together as a team to overcome challenges. Work on expressing what you feel and what you want in the most productive way possible.
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To have a happy relationship, you can also make sure that you are consistently making small gestures to charm your partner’s heart, and work to understand and speak his or her Love Language!
Both people in this relationship need to freedom to be themselves, pursue their dreams, and feel that their goals are being respected. Neither partner should be trying to control the other or dictate how they should live their lives. Instead, work on building each other up and helping each other make your dreams a reality!
Listen to each other, and don’t live separate, parallel lives under the same roof. It’s crucial that you make time for each other without your friends or kids! Block off time in your schedule for quality time spent together AND romance. We’re all so busy all the time so make sure you both make an effort to spend time together. You can also make an effort to do the things that your partner loves to do and show him or her that you support them and want them to be having fun.
When it comes to how to be happy in a relationship, it’s all about associating each other with positivity. That is why I stress the importance of making sure that you are living a life that you are proud of. Like I said above, you can only love another person as much as you love yourself!
So challenge yourself with new goals and activities, be adventurous on your own and with your partner, and work to keep the relationship from becoming monotonous or predictable.
Think about what kinds of common projects you could work on with the one you love, and make sure that you are genuinely happy. Be vulnerable and open with one another, go out of your way to make your significant other feel special, and make time for each other!
By doing all of these things, you will cultivate a future that both are you are excited about, and it will help solidify your bond.
As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to reach out. We can help you transform your relationship with the one you love in a meaningful and dignified way if you feel that it is suffering. Join the Happily Committed Project and let us help you make sure that you and your partner will have a long and happy relationship with each other.
If you have any questions at all, you can leave them in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to have a happy relationship
Natalie
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