“My wife is having an affair…” When somebody cheats in a relationship, the aftermath can be felt for a very long time.
Many people just throw in the towel and give up on their relationship when their partner strays, but I want to let you know that after all these years as a coach specialized in repairing relationships, I can honestly tell you that sometimes couples need a serious electroshock in order to get them back on the right path.
When this happens, their relationship becomes stronger than it ever was before. In many of the cases I work with, an affair seems like it was the worst thing that could ever have happened, but it ends up being the thing that recalibrates the marriage in a way that allows it to truly thrive.
In today’s article, I want to go over what needs to happen in order to save a marriage after an affair. If you have found yourself thinking, “My wife is having an affair,” it will be very important to understand what happens to you as an individual after cheating, and what happens in the relationship.
When you carry out a proper analysis of all the elements at play, you will be able to set yourself up for longterm success. I am going to give you some tips for handling the situation in the best way possible.
This is a very challenging ordeal, and there is no avoiding that, but as I like to remind my clients, an affair doesn’t have to be a death sentence for your marriage. It can be a powerful catalyst for positive change that ends up granting you access to a relationship that is much more fulfilling than ever before.
In addition to this, if you can approach and handle this situation in the right way, you can ensure that infidelity never makes its way into your marriage again. So without further ado, let’s get started!
Wife affair: where to begin
I see so many people giving up on their relationships. We live in a culture where we’re taught to throw things away instead of fixing them when they’re broken, and unfortunately, this is a concept that is applied to relationships as well. That is one of the main reasons why we decided to create the Happily Committed Project.
We want to teach people how to truly thrive in their relationships by giving them the tools they need to navigate through even the toughest situations.
So, I know that at this point, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed by all the emotions swirling around inside you right now. It might feel like you don’t know where to begin, and your thoughts are all over the place. So let’s go ahead and begin with something very simple.
Before you approach your wife about the affair, it’s important to consider what infidelity means to you. For some people, cheating is just physical, whereas, for others, they consider flirtation to be cheating as well. And then there’s emotional cheating, which is a whole different concept. I encourage you to read this article on emotional cheating if you’re curious about what that means.
To help you decide what you want to do moving forward, you are going to have to define what infidelity means to you. By identifying this, you will be able to define your personal boundaries and see if your wife has crossed them or not. Knowing your boundaries is essential. If you do not respect your boundaries, why would your significant other?
Thinking about and analyzing whether or not your wife has overstepped your boundaries will help you to determine if this is a person that you want to continue to be with. In addition to this, I want you to remember to try not to focus too much on the thoughts and opinions of your loved ones.
Cheating has such a negative connotation that they’re all very likely to tell you to just leave her, turn the page, and move on with your life. But this a very personal decision that you need to make on your own. You’re the only one who knows the intricacies of your relationship with your wife, and you’re the only one who knows whether or not you’re willing to move past this.
If you are wondering, “How do you know if your wife is having an affair,” I would suggest that you try to be 100% certain of the affair before you confront her. To help you figure out whether or not she’s cheating, I encourage you to read this article.
Through these years that I have worked as a love and relationship coach, I’ve seen that once you do something, you cannot undo it. Accusing someone of having an affair is a very bold accusation, and if it ends up not being true, it can create a large crack in the foundation of your marriage that will be very difficult to overcome. It can create a huge amount of strain on your marriage.
In some cases, I have seen a person leave their partner when their partner wrongfully accused them of having an affair because they were that hurt. So again, if you’re thinking “Is my partner having an affair,” and you aren’t completely sure that your wife is cheating on you, make sure that you try to get to the truth before you accuse her.
So, make sure that you truly know what it is that you’re accusing her of and that you’re prepared to handle the consequences if it turns out that she wasn’t having an affair.
That said, if you know for certain that your wife is having an affair, you are going to have to confront her about it. The key here is to calm down before you do it. Of course, your emotions are running wild because you’re extremely hurt, but if you behave frantically and erratically, you’re going to lose credibility in her eyes, and she’s going to put up walls right away. It could make her deny it or just simply shut you out, which obviously isn’t going to help matters. If you’re screaming, she’s not going to hear what you have to say, and she’ll go into defense mode.
This is why it’s so important to take your time to calm down and gather your thoughts. Take as much time as you need to reflect, assess, and prepare for the conversation you’re going to have with her. But if you can approach the situation in a calm and collected manner, it’s going to change everything. You’ll be approaching the situation with reason instead of emotions, and this will determine how she responds. This enables you to avoid playing the blame game or your wife denying what happened because she’s afraid of your reaction. Anyone who feels attacked is going to instinctively attack back.
Instead, tell her about what you’ve come to understand and hand her the mic to explain. Be open to hearing what she has to say because it’s going to help you two to operate as a team to find solutions. Give your wife a chance to come clean before you make the decision as to whether or not you want to save this marriage. It’s going to give you insight into whether or not she’s willing to work with you to fix this. In addition to this, you’ve got to ask yourself if she has crossed a non-negotiable line or not.
This period will inevitably require you to ask yourself some very uncomfortable questions, but the more honest you can be with yourself now, the easier it will be to set yourself up for longterm success.
My wife is having an affair: How being cheated on affects you
Here are Happily Committed, we are a team of specialized coaches that have dedicated our lives to helping people repair and strengthen their relationships. Through the articles on this blog, our YouTube Channel, our products and our seminars, we strive to provide you with all the tips and tools you need to coach yourself at home through whatever challenge you may be facing in your relationship. One of the most common issues that people come to us with is what to do after a spouse cheated. It’s a very complex issue, and it’s true that it isn’t something that can be fixed overnight. When cheating occurs in a relationship, it is usually the symptom of a much deeper problem.
If there is one thing that I have learned after all these years as a relationship coach, it’s that the easiest way to recover from a breakup with the person you love is to not break up. So if you’re reading this right now and you were recently cheated on by your partner and aren’t sure of how to proceed, I want you to know that we are here to help. When it comes to cheating, there is no doubt that it will change you. Realizing “My wife is having an affair,” or “My wife cheated” can make you feel like the ground has crumbled beneath you and you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to recover from this. It can make you wonder if you could ever feel confident in the relationship, even if you successfully manage to save it.
Cheating is an incredibly painful experience that so many people experience, but so many people are able to move past it by using the tips that we provide. So I’d like to start things off by bringing your attention to a very important element. The biggest challenge that I encounter with my clients that have been cheated on is that infidelity not only changes the way they see their partner, it changes the way they see themselves in the relationship. They start to ask themselves things like, “Why would he or she cheat on me? Is it because I’m not lovable, not attractive, not sexy…? What did I do that would result in my partner cheating on me?” Now the narrative changes and it’s not about the person who cheated; you start to feel like it’s about you and why you weren’t enough.
If you’re reading this right now and you feel that because your spouse cheated, you are different, I want you to know that it’s not true. Don’t let their actions determine how you feel about yourself! You can move past this, and it is very likely that this has a lot less to do with you and a lot more to do with your partner. Make sure that when you’re thinking, “I think my wife is having an affair,” don’t personalize and internalize her choices. I know that sounds easier said than done right now, but if you want to move forward from this affair with your wife by your side, it’s very important that you feel very connected to yourself. One of the most important parts of bouncing back from cheating is self-care. You have to actively work on rebuilding your self-esteem, feel good about yourself, and take the time you need to heal. You are 50% of this relationship and if you are not able to carry your half, it’s not going to work. So many people neglect the importance of self-care after their partner cheated on them when it’s one of the most important things you could do.
Nothing can balance in your relationship if you are feeling different within it, so now is the time to love and invest in yourself more than ever. Think about what kind of things you can do to make yourself feel good about yourself. The more freshness you can bring into your life right now, the better. Think about what kind of new activities you can try, what kind of new places you can go to, how to freshen up your wardrobe, and what you can do to ensure that you’re feeling better about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the less you will be influenced by the way this experience makes you feel.
My wife had an affair: Choosing forgiveness
As I said, there is no sense in hiding the fact that infidelity will change you and you will feel the pain of it very acutely, but forgiveness is a choice. If you decide to choose to drag your partner through the mud for the choice that she made, you’re making a choice not to allow your relationship to grow from this. Yes, she will need to understand the gravity of the situation, but once that has been established, it would only damage your relationship to dwell in resentment over it.
Forgiveness does not just magically happen overnight and you wake up the next day feeling like everything has gone back to normal just because you decided to forgive your spouse. We are talking about the rest of your life and whether or not you can live with the fact that your partner strayed. If you want to forgive your wife for cheating, it must be a choice that you actively commit to every single day. Not just for the next few days. It’s important to note that this is something that relates more to you than it does to your wife.
Forgiveness is in YOUR power and it is something that you develop by personal transformation. As I said above, one of the biggest things that many people don’t realize after an affair is that cheating has a huge impact on how the person who was cheated on feels about themselves. The road to forgiveness will require you to get to know yourself, be kind to yourself, and remember that love is a complicated thing. Good people can make bad mistakes, and love is not luck. It’s a skill. And sometimes, skills are best learned through trial and error.
If your wife had an affair, but she wants to evolve and grow and fix this marriage, your choice is whether or not you’re going to allow her to do this. If you decide to not allow her to but you want to keep her in the relationship only to punish her, both of you will suffer. You would only be setting your relationship up to fail, and I really need to stress the importance of this. It’s normal to be upset, but we need to keep an eye on destructive behavior that would only make matters worse.
If you try to want to heal your marriage after an affair, you have to make the choice to forgive your wife every single day. There is a simple exercise that we give to clients who come to us saying, “My wife had an affair, what should I do…” You can practice affirmations in the morning. With this simple exercise, you can determine how you’re going to feel and what you’re going to think today. This is how you can decide how to perceive the world. So, if you have decided to forgive your wife for cheating, begin all of your days by choosing to forgive. Tell yourself that today, you are going to remember that people make mistakes, and that you and your wife will come out stronger as a result of this. Tell yourself that you will allow your wife to grow from this mistake.
If you can follow through with your commitment to yourself and your commitment to forgiving your partner, you truly can save this relationship. For years, we worked in breakup recovery, helping people get back together with the ones they love, and helping people repair their relationships after infidelity. It is with confidence that I say that if they were able to do it, you can, too.
I know that if you’re reading this article right now, it means that you want to save this relationship. You don’t want to let this slip through your fingers and you have hope that it can be repaired. If you didn’t believe this, you wouldn’t be reading this article. You would have already given up and walked away…
A marriage CAN be saved when a wife has cheated ?
As I’ve been saying since the very beginning of this article, it is important to understand that cheating does not have to mean the end of a marriage. If you really are willing to put in the effort, you and your wife can bounce back from this. Just remember:
1. Define what infidelity really means to you
2. Try to have concrete evidence before you confront your wife about having an affair
3. Let your emotions cool before you open these conversations
4. Take the time you need to heal and let go of resentment
5. Choose forgiveness every single day
6. Actively adopt a positive mindset
7. Work as a team to define longterm solutions
8. Allow yourself to believe that this challenging experience can make your marriage stronger
We are here to help you every step of the way, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. By asking you targeted questions, we can create a tailor-made action plan to help you reach your goals. Join the Happily Committed project and transform your marriage in a meaningful and dignified way. We have also created a special program designed to help you move past an affair with grace and peace of mind. We want to offer you all the tools you need in order to experience the relationship you’ve always wanted.
You and your wife can be stepping into one of the most wonderful chapters of your marriage right now. It often takes an electroshock like this to get a couple back on the right course.
I sincerely wish you nothing but the very best in life and love,
Your relationship coach when you’re thinking, “My wife is having an affair”