I see so many people giving up on their relationships. We live in a culture where we’re taught to throw things away instead of fixing them when they’re broken, and unfortunately, this is a concept that is applied to relationships as well. That is one of the main reasons why we decided to create the Happily Committed Project. We want to teach people how to truly thrive in their relationships by giving them the tools they need to navigate through even the toughest situations.
So, I know that at this point, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed by all the emotions swirling around inside you right now. It might feel like you don’t know where to begin, and your thoughts are all over the place. So let’s go ahead and begin with something very simple. Before you approach your wife about the affair, it’s important to consider what infidelity means to you. For some people, cheating is just physical, whereas, for others, they consider flirtation to be cheating as well. And then there’s emotional cheating, which is a whole different concept. I encourage you to read this article on emotional cheating if you’re curious about what that means. To help you decide what you want to do moving forward, you are going to have to define what infidelity means to you. By identifying this, you will be able to define your personal boundaries and see if your wife has crossed them or not. Knowing your boundaries is essential. If you do not respect your boundaries, why would your significant other?
Thinking about and analyzing whether or not your wife has overstepped your boundaries will help you to determine if this is a person that you want to continue to be with. In addition to this, I want you to remember to try not to focus too much on the thoughts and opinions of your loved ones. Cheating has such a negative connotation that they’re all very likely to tell you to just leave her, turn the page, and move on with your life. But this a very personal decision that you need to make on your own. You’re the only one who knows the intricacies of your relationship with your wife, and you’re the only one who knows whether or not you’re willing to move past this.
If you are wondering, “How do you know if your wife is having an affair,” I would suggest that you try to be 100% certain of the affair before you confront her. To help you figure out whether or not she’s cheating, I encourage you to read this article. Through these years that I have worked as a love and relationship coach, I’ve seen that once you do something, you cannot undo it. Accusing someone of having an affair is a very bold accusation, and if it ends up not being true, it can create a large crack in the foundation of your marriage that will be very difficult to overcome. It can create a huge amount of strain on your marriage. In some cases, I have seen a person leave their partner when their partner wrongfully accused them of having an affair because they were that hurt. So again, if you’re thinking “Is my partner having an affair,” and you aren’t completely sure that your wife is cheating on you, make sure that you try to get to the truth before you accuse her.
So, make sure that you truly know what it is that you’re accusing her of and that you’re prepared to handle the consequences if it turns out that she wasn’t having an affair.
That said, if you know for certain that your wife is having an affair, you are going to have to confront her about it. The key here is to calm down before you do it. Of course, your emotions are running wild because you’re extremely hurt, but if you behave frantically and erratically, you’re going to lose credibility in her eyes, and she’s going to put up walls right away. It could make her deny it or just simply shut you out, which obviously isn’t going to help matters. If you’re screaming, she’s not going to hear what you have to say, and she’ll go into defense mode.
This is why it’s so important to take your time to calm down and gather your thoughts. Take as much time as you need to reflect, assess, and prepare for the conversation you’re going to have with her. But if you can approach the situation in a calm and collected manner, it’s going to change everything. You’ll be approaching the situation with reason instead of emotions, and this will determine how she responds. This enables you to avoid playing the blame game or your wife denying what happened because she’s afraid of your reaction. Anyone who feels attacked is going to instinctively attack back.
Instead, tell her about what you’ve come to understand and hand her the mic to explain. Be open to hearing what she has to say because it’s going to help you two to operate as a team to find solutions. Give your wife a chance to come clean before you make the decision as to whether or not you want to save this marriage. It’s going to give you insight into whether or not she’s willing to work with you to fix this. In addition to this, you’ve got to ask yourself if she has crossed a non-negotiable line or not.
This period will inevitably require you to ask yourself some very uncomfortable questions, but the more honest you can be with yourself now, the easier it will be to set yourself up for longterm success.