Many clients come to us asking if it’s actually possible to fix a marriage after infidelity and are very relieved when we tell them that yes, it is! If you have found yourself reading this article today, the chances are that you also have been wondering the same thing.
Your marriage has been faced with infidelity, whether it was your own, or your significant other was the one who strayed outside of your marriage, and you’ve been trying to figure out if it’s even possible to put the pieces back together.
Well, as I said, it IS possible to fix a marriage after infidelity. It is just going to depend on some very important elements that I will be going over with you today in this article.
Here at Happily Committed, we have combined over twenty years of experience in the field of love and relationships in order to provide individuals and couples with all the tools they need to coach themselves through even the most difficult experiences in love.
Though your relationship has been threatened by cheating, I want you to know that you can rebuild your marriage and what’s more, you can actually make it better than ever!
I am going to explain what you need to do with your partner in order to move forward from the cheating, and what you need to do on your own in order to move on from infidelity. So let’s take a look at what needs to happen.
Marriage after infidelity: Understanding the dynamic
When a person is unfaithful to their partner, it is very important to understand what happens on a personal level. When someone cheats, not only does it affect the way that their partner sees them, it affects the way that their partner sees themselves.
It will make them question their lovability, their attractiveness, how valuable they are, and how worthy of love they are in the relationship, and these elements make up one of the biggest obstacles that is in your path right now. Bringing your awareness to it is crucial.
It’s easy to turn a blind eye to this because there are already so many emotions that you’re dealing with, but whether you were the one that cheated or if it was your partner, this aspect needs to be taken into consideration.
So when it comes to how to fix a marriage after infidelity, it’s not just going to be about rebuilding the relationship between you; it’s also going to be about rebuilding the relationship that both individuals have with themselves.
The person who was cheated on needs to be reminded of their value, and the person who cheated needs to remember that they are more than their mistake and that they can ensure that it never happens again.
If you cheated on your partner, you must remember that their self-esteem is broken right now and you are responsible for giving them the boost that they need. People often assume that they need to constantly be making grandiose gestures in order to do this, but it’s in the little things too.
It can be as simple as bringing home their favorite dish, or flowers. You can think of doing little things for them that make their daily lives easier like doing some of their errands when you know they’ve had a busy day.
It can also be allowing them to express their emotions to you about how hurt they are by what has happened and what you’ve done. It’s very important for the person who was unfaithful to take accountability and not point fingers.
It is a way to help them recover from this because if you acknowledge that these are your faults, then they can accept that these are not their faults. By justifying how much pain they’re feeling, they can start to let it go. If instead, you are trying to sweep it under the rug or pretend it never happened, you’re only going to show them that this relationship is not serving them and that they need to leave. So, at the end of the day, acknowledging what happened and your partner’s emotions is going to help both of you, and this is one of the keys to fixing a marriage after an affair.
How to fix a marriage after an affair: rebuilding trust
Taking accountability for cheating is a key player in fixing a marriage after infidelity. Not only is it important for the healing process, but it is also important for laying out a new foundation. If the person who cheated is able to take accountability for what they did, and they try to fix it, showcase different behaviors, and actively work on laying out a new foundation, then their partner is going to believe its genuine. If they do the opposite, it’s going be impossible for their partner to feel emotionally safe and vulnerable, which of course, blocks progress and can make it impossible for the marriage to survive.
Recovering from infidelity is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. If you try to hastily try to turn this around overnight, you won’t have longterm success. A bandaid is not going to fix a marriage after infidelity.
In relationships, consistency is credibility, so you have to keep going. It will take time to put the broken pieces back together, so make sure that you are both consistent about your efforts, even when things are hard. It’s completely normal for things to feel challenging in a situation like this, and keeping that in mind will help you to stay motivated when challenges arise.
The next part of fixing your marriage after an affair has to do with asking yourselves what happened. Cheating is usually a symptom of a deeper problem, so it is very important to do some analysis, and for both of you to do some introspection. What are the choices you made, what are the choices that your partner was making that drove you to where you are today? Was there jealousy, neediness, neglect? Taking a long hard look at what you both felt was lacking in the relationship prior to the infidelity, and by narrowly defining what you were feeling and what was going on, is the way to define the solutions that will fix your marriage. This is how you ensure it will never happen again.
In most cases (unless the person who cheated is a serial cheater), cheating happens because something is missing. It could be affection, validation, attention, acceptance… something is missing, and it gets filled with a terrible decision in the hopes that it would somehow fill the void. More often than not, the person who cheated realizes that it was a terrible idea and it made matters worse.
Think about what lead up to the cheating and how it was in the moment. Was it impulsive? Was it a drawn-out affair? Were there drugs or alcohol involved? The only way to fix something is by identifying how it broke. The relationship did not break because of the cheating. Again, the cheating was a symptom of something else. Identify the illness and you’ll fix the symptom, so look beneath the cheating. If you can identify what developed into cheating, you can truly make sure that this doesn’t happen again.
You’ll know how to anticipate issues and nip them in the bud before they develop into an actual act like cheating.
Marriage after infidelity CAN be repaired!
As this article comes to a close, I want to let you know that we have created a significant amount of content around this topic because we want to make sure that you have all the tools at your disposal to heal your relationship after cheating. We have numerous videos on the topic that you can see on our YouTube Channel, there are many articles on this website, and we have also created a powerful program designed to help you put the pieces back together after infidelity with grace and peace of mind. As always, we are also available to you for one on one coaching, so please don’t hesitate to reach out by clicking here.
To summarize, when it comes to repairing your marriage after an affair, here are the things you need to keep in mind:
1. The person who was cheated on needs to feel appreciated
2. Both partners need to take accountability for their roles in the situation
3. The person who cheated must acknowledge that their partner’s pain is real so that they can chip away at it
4. The issues that lead to the cheating need to be analyzed and addressed
As uncomfortable as it may be, you’re both going to have to dive in and take a look at all the elements at play here. This is how you will be able to build a new foundation that sets your relationship out on a new path. What’s more, this is how you ensure that cheating never happens again.
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to fix a marriage after infidelity,