As you’ve come to understand, there is no point in hiding the fact that infidelity will have a powerful effect on you and you will feel the pain of it very acutely, but something that I always remind my clients is that forgiveness is a choice. If you make the decision to drag your wife through the mud for the mistake and the choice that she made, you’re making a choice not to allow your relationship to move on from theis ordeal. This is something that you absolutely must keep in mind. Yes, she will need to understand the gravity of the situation, but once that has been established, holding on to a grudge will only damage your marriage.
It’s also important to note that forgiveness does not just magically happen from one day to the next. You don’t just wake up the next day feeling like everything has gone back to normal just because you decided to forgive your wife for cheating. We are talking about the rest of your life and whether or not you can live with the fact that your wife cheated on you. If you want to forgive her for being unfaithful, it must be a choice that you actively commit to every single day. It can’t just be for the next few days. It’s important to note that this is something that is in YOUR power. It relates more to you than it does to your wife.
Forgiveness is in YOUR hands alone and it is something that you develop by working on personal transformation. The road to forgiveness will require you to get to know yourself, be kind to yourself, and remember that love is a very complex thing. It isn’t easy to get it right all the time. Good people can make bad mistakes, and love is not luck. It’s a skill. And as painful as it may be, sometimes skills are best learned through trial and error.
If your wife was caught cheating, but wants to change, grow, and fix this relationship, your choice is whether or not you’re going to allow her to make things right. If you decide not to allow her by not forgiving her, and you want to keep her in the marriage only to punish her, both of you will suffer. You would only be setting this marriage up for failure, and I really need to stress the importance of this. It’s 100% normal to be upset, you’re a human being with emotions, but we need to keep an eye on destructive behavior that would only make matters worse.
If you try to want to heal your marriage after an affair, you have to make the choice to forgive your wife every single day. There is a simple exercise that we give to clients and it’s all about practicing affirmations in the morning. With this simple exercise, you can determine how you’re going to feel and think today. This is how you can decide how to perceive the world, and a positive mindset can really set your relationship up for success. So, if you have decided to forgive your wife for cheating, begin all of your days by choosing to forgive. Tell yourself that today, you are going to remember that people make mistakes and that you and your wife will come out stronger as a result of this. Create a mantra out of it. Tell yourself that you will allow your wife to grow from this mistake.
If you can follow through with your commitment to your personal development and your commitment to forgiving your partner, you truly can save this marriage. For years, my team and I worked in breakup recovery, aka helping people get back together with the ones they love, and helping people repair their relationships after infidelity. It is with confidence that I say that if they were able to do put the pieces back together after something as painful as an affair, then you can, too.
I know that if you’re reading this article right now, it means that you want to save this relationship. You don’t want to let this slip through your fingers and you have hope that it can be repaired. If you didn’t believe this, you wouldn’t be reading this article. You would have already given up and walked away.