First of all, don’t confront an unfaithful spouse or partner right away when you are feeling emotional. Give yourself the opportunity to feel more calm and collect your thoughts. The goal is to try and stay calm and avoid saying things that you could end up regretting later on down the line, especially if you still want to rebuild the trust in your marriage or relationship.
Choose a private and calm place to confront your partner about this, and if it’s possible, make sure that you have undeniable proof of what they did that hurt you. If you stumbled across messages between your partner and another woman or man, or if you concretely saw something happen, you can put that on the table.
When you talk about this with your significant other, focus on gathering important information. It’s important to zero in on why they were unfaithful instead of asking for juicy details about their infidelities that will just drive you crazy. I know it’s tempting to want to know the details about the affair, but they will not serve you.
If your partner tries to gaslight you or tries to deny what you know to be true, then you can bring in a trusted third-party like a family member or a friend.
Once you discuss what happened and if you choose to rebuild your relationship after infidelity, you can begin the process of surviving infidelity. So let’s take a look at what to do.
How to get over an affair and repair your relationship
The very first thing I want you to bear in mind is that forgiveness of adultery is a choice. It’s very easy to hold a grudge against someone who was unfaithful to you and let it undermine your relationship, but if you want to survive infidelity and create a new relationship together, you have to make the conscious decision to forgive your partner every single day.
You have to choose to forgive, and you have to choose to survive this. It is in your power to build a healthier future with this person, but you have to choose these things every day until you no longer have to actively choose and you can just start to make this your natural way of thinking. We can make a habit out of anything if we stick with it long enough, and the situation is no exception. Surviving infidelity is no walk in the park, but if you choose to move past this, you can do it.
So I encourage you to ask yourself what you’re fighting for, and if the good outweighs the bad in this relationship. Remind yourself of the journey from start to finish. Think about what you to have built together, what you have accomplished together, your common life projects… all of these things will help you fight for the relationship and survive cheating.
Now, as I’ve been saying, in order to recover from cheating in your relationship, your mindset is going to play a huge role. Now is the time to start working on reshaping your thinking. It isn’t about what you have, who you are, where are you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy; it’s about what kind of mindset you approach it with. So you have to adopt a positive mindset and decide that you are going to work through this and get to the other side.
It’s very hard for someone to work through difficult issues when they’re being blinded by strong emotions, and painful or difficult emotions will get stronger and more intimidating when they are fought or suppressed. So I encourage you to learn to accept and overcome your fears. If you become fearful of being hurt and run away from the relationship you want to be in, you will be hindering your odds of success in recovering from infidelity with your partner.
So if you really want to know how to forgive a cheater and repair your relationship, it’s time to rebuild your love. A disconnect has formed between you and your significant other, so it’s time to learn your partner’s world all over again. Start spending time together doing fun things that allow you to make new, positive memories. Work on rebuilding the respect and appreciation by making each other feel special and loved.
You two are a team and must work together to find the solutions to the problems your relationship was facing. Make sure that you have a good platform for communication and that you work together to ensure that both people in the relationship feel fulfilled and inspired.
If you would like one-on-one guidance on how to survive infidelity and turn your relationship into a new and improved version of itself, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team. By asking you targeted questions, we can zero in on the root of the problem and find appropriate solutions so that you and your significant other can start incorporating in your daily lives.
As this article comes to an end I want you to remember that as challenging as this might be right now, it can actually prove to be a blessing in disguise. You might raise your eyebrows as you read that, but a crisis in a relationship often serves as a catalyst for very positive and important change. As a result, the relationship is recalibrated, and set on the path towards success.
Join The Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship before it’s too late or let us help you heal and move forward with your life in a dignified and meaningful way.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to get over infidelity in your relationship