Many people come to me and ask about the stages of marriage. We hear all about the honeymoon period and we know that it’s typically the most magical time, but what about all the other stages of a relationship? What about the ups and downs?
How can you navigate all of these stages while ensuring that you and your significant other are setting yourselves up for future happiness?
There are so many things that we aren’t taught about love and relationships, and here at Happily Committed, it is our goal to help you to learn the tools and techniques that will help your relationship reach its full potential.
The more you know what to expect, the easier it is to navigate through challenges that present themselves, and the easier it is to strengthen your bond. In today’s article, I want to go over the stages of marriage so that you can set yourself up for long term success.
I’ll also give you some pointers on how to keep your relationship with your spouse interesting, how to anticipate and steer clear of issues, and how to create a general sense of wellbeing between you and the one you love.
It’s not uncommon for relationships to start to feel a bit lackluster or even downright soul-sucking if things have been allowed to really deteriorate between two spouses, but the good news is that there are solutions for that as well.
You can transform your relationship and bring it back to its former glory if you incorporate the tips and tools I’m going to go over in this article!
In all these years as a love and relationship coach, I have worked with thousands of couples and single people who were looking for happiness in love. As a result, I’ve been able to pinpoint some recurring themes that are present in the majority of the cases I work with.
I say “majority” because I know it comes as no surprise that we cannot make generalities in these types of situations. Relationships are so complex and no two marriages are going to be identical, but that said, some patterns are very common.
Some of these patterns are the stages of marriage that I’m going to be going over. The thing that I want you to keep in mind as you read this is that many people wonder about the stages of marriage because they’ve reached a point where they are feeling deeply dissatisfied with their relationship and they want to know if it’s normal or not.
If that is the case for you, knowing about the stages of marriage can give you some insight into whether you can save your relationship. It can help you understand why one or both of you might be feeling the way you’re feeling at the moment, and it can help you lay out a roadmap for how to save your marriage.
This reminds me of my client Stephanie, who came to me saying, “Married life is really confusing… I think my relationship is falling apart but I don’t know how to save it. Can you help me?”
She wanted to save her relationship more than anything but her husband had already mentally checked out. She was thinking that everything would just be sunshine and rainbows and that the relationship would never need adjustments.
But the truth is, as time goes on, relationships will inevitably evolve and you will need to change the way you approach things.
For example, the more she pushed her husband to talk about their problems, the less interested and more frustrated he became. He would clam up and become very difficult to be around. He had started to feel suffocated by her and by the routine in their marriage, and her approach was only amplifying his feelings.
It was not until she realized that she had to make significant adjustments to her approach, and be consistent with these changes once they had been implemented, that she started to feel her husband warming back up to her.
He began asking her to join him on the couch for movies and eventually began cuddling her when he slept in the bedroom. The change was gradual but powerful, and now both of them are happily committed to one another.
So you see, if you’re able to zero in on what your partner is feeling and how this relates to the marriage stage that you’re in, it can help you adjust your approach so that you can really see some positive results. Let’s go ahead and take a look at what the stages of marriage actually are.
Some people say that there are 4 stages of marriage whereas others say that there are 7 stages of marriage, but I will be breaking them up into 5.
As I mentioned above, everyone knows about the honeymoon stage, but I want to go over it a bit just in case you’re unfamiliar with it.
This is the stage we hear about the most often. Your heart beats a little faster when you think about the one you love, you can’t wait to see him or her, you catch yourself constantly wanting to talk about your partner to your friends and family, and it feels like you can’t get enough of them.
This period can last up to about two years and when it begins to fade, which yes, it always does, a lot of people tend to panic. They worry that the love is fading away and that the relationship is ending when in reality, it’s just evolving.
In the beginning, everything is new and exciting so it can give you dopamine and serotonin spikes. With time, however, you will naturally return to your normal state of happiness. When this happens, it might feel like you’re falling from a high but again, this is completely natural. This is all part of the developmental stages of marriage.
During this stage, it is also quite common to not notice or skim over your partner’s flaws or shortcomings.
If you are in this stage of love, remind yourself that even if the fireworks and the excitement are fading a bit, it does not mean that the love you feel for your significant other is fading away as well. This is just another transitional period.
If you can give yourselves the opportunity to miss each other, you will be able to create a shift in the relationship that can reawaken those exciting and passionate feelings that were so present at the beginning of your relationship.
So focus on developing a rich personal life in which you spend ample time with your friends and family, work on achieving your personal and professional goals, and really fill up your schedule with people and activities that improve your quality of life.
The busier you are and the more fulfilled you feel in your personal life, the easier it will be to reignite the flame in your relationship and maintain that sense of excitement, even as you traverse all the stages of marriage.
This is when the pink cloud starts to fade away and you need to face the reality of your lives. A person often starts to get frustrated with their partner and their relationship, especially when things are turning out a little different than they expected.
A sense of distance can creep in around this stage, and it might feel like your significant other has changed (or they think that you have changed).
Something that I often see in this stage is that a person will try to mold their partner into the person that they thought they were when they first got married. This causes problems in the relationship because the partner doesn’t appreciate trying to be changed, and the other person feels frustrated with the situation.
The key to working through this is practicing proper communication so that you can work as a team and find solutions together.
It’s the time to really establish compromise, empathy, and work towards making each other happy. If you’re having recurring fights, establish steps to take or compromises.
This is around the time when you accept your partner for who they are. You no longer try to change them and you accept the things about them that get on your nerves or upset you. It’s one of the most gratifying phases of a relationship.
If things start to feel too monotonous or predictable for you, try switching things up. Change roles, come up with surprises for one another, and don’t let the routine undermine your relationship. It’s very easy to let it take over, but it is entirely in your power to keep things interesting.
It’s going to be inevitable that you accept who your partner is if you’re going to keep this relationship going, and this is one of the keys to having a successful marriage. But you can always do your part to keep things interesting!
Long distance relationship communication: How to make it thrive!
The fourth stage of marriage is called the Commitment Stage. This is when you have accepted your partner, you know what your relationship is not perfect, but you love it for what it is. You are making the conscious choice to commit to your husband or wife and to work through whatever challenges life throws at you.
It’s OK to not like your spouse all the time, as long as you love them. No-one on this planet is perfect, I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, so we can’t expect your partner to be perfect. What’s more, it’s a person’s imperfections that often make them so unique.
At this stage, if there are things that are still bothering you, consider working with an objective third party or going on a couple’s retreat.
Keep learning about your partner so you know what makes them tick, and make a conscious effort to grow together. Give yourself challenges and goals that you can complete together like working on a part of your house. The more you work on a joint project, the stronger your bond will be.
The fifth stage of marriage goes by the name of the Co-Creation stage, and it is when you and your partner use your marriage to benefit someone, or something, else. I mentioned the concept of a joint project in the previous section, but this is when you two create something important and of high value together. It can be a home for your future family, it can be having kids…
When you reach this stage, I invite you to make a conscious effort to keep the relationship between the two of you in mind. It’s very easy to lose track of nurturing YOUR marriage when you’re pouring your time and energy into your project, whatever it may be.
It’s not uncommon for the power struggle to return at this stage, so just make sure that you’re taking good care of your relationship still.
As I said above, each relationship will encounter its ups and downs, and I want you to remember that this is perfectly normal. Solutions are always available to you if you keep your eyes open and are willing to put in the effort. We are here to help you every step of the way, so don’t hesitate to reach out for personalized guidance! In addition to this and in order to boost the attraction between you and the one you love, I encourage you to check out our new product specifically designed to help you do this!
To summarize, the five stages of marriage are:
1 – The honeymoon stage, where everything is seen through rose-tinted glasses and any shortcomings are overlooked or ignored
2 – The power struggle phase, where your life as a couple becomes more challenging and reality starts to set in
3 – The stability stage, when you finally accept each other for who you are and have developed solutions to the issues your relationship regularly faced.
4 – The Commitment stage, the stage in which you understand that no one is perfect but you love each other anyway and commit to loving each other.
5 – The co-creation stage, which is the stage where you use your partnership to benefit people beyond your relationship.
Sometimes the issues that we face help us to develop relationships that are stronger than they were in the beginning. Working as a team to overcome obstacles strengthens your bond and helps you to set yourselves up for success.
I sincerely wish you the best in life and love
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