Why happy people cheat? Over the years I have been working with so many people that have come to me for help after their relationship experienced infidelity. A couple of days ago, a client asked me a very pertinent question, and it is something that often comes up in my coaching sessions.
Why do happy people cheat? It makes a little more sense when someone is miserable in their relationship and is desperate for validation from another human being, but why would someone who is truly fulfilled in their relationship with their significant other stray?
Unfortunately, this is an issue that is not as uncommon as it may seem. I wanted to write this article for you today so that together, we could go through the reasons why happy people cheat, and what types of solutions are available to you.
There are a couple of questions to ask yourself that will help you to get a better idea of what’s going on here and what you can do about it.
The more information you have in regards to what is happening under the surface in your relationship, the easier it will be to understand why a happy person would cheat and more importantly, what you can do about it moving forward! So let’s get started, shall we?
When I am working with a client who has found themselves in a situation like this, the first thing I explore with them is how happy their partner truly is. In our philosophy here at Happily Committed, we view relationships and marriages as a fortress of wellbeing.
If a person cheats, whether it is emotionally or physically, it means that there is a crack in the relationship’s foundation. It means that there has been a breach.
So as we begin, I want to ask yourself a very honest question and take the time to reflect on it.
Yes, it is true that no relationship is perfect and there will be ups and downs, but if you truly think about the situation, can you honestly say that your partner is genuinely happy? Answering this question is one of the key components to understanding why happy people cheat in marriages and relationships.
Very often, people don’t realize that they’re turning a blind eye, or perhaps that they may have been neglecting their partners, or that they’re in denial and have developed a false sense of security. Now, I do want to clarify that I am in no way, shape, or form, pointing the finger at you here.
This is not your fault. Your partner needs to take responsibility for what he or she did and should be held accountable for these actions. But it is also very important to note that relationships are based on teamwork and both people play a role.
I don’t want you to shut down and blame everything on your partner, because that closes the door to many solutions. I don’t want you to miss out on this opportunity to make improvements within yourself that not only benefit you, but also your relationship with your significant other!
Remember, in crisis there is opportunity.
We have made it our mission to give you all the tips and tools you need to create and maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship, and we need to be aware of all the elements at play here. If your partner is not truly happy in this relationship, it’s an entirely different situation and the relationship needs work.
You’ll need to think about what you can do in order to help develop the relationship, empathy, and communication skills. This is what will help you to relate to your partner in a better way and understand the fundamental problem in the relationship.
Please don’t hesitate to watch any of the numerous videos we’ve created on the topic of cheating on our YouTube Channel, or reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here.
So if your partner truly is happy in the relationship, why on earth would they cheat? What’s happening and is there any way to fix this?
Well, when a happy person cheats, it is usually something that is rooted in their lower nature. For example, it often has something to do with ego, insecurity, and what we’re taught by society.
If you think about it, we’re taught that it’s okay to stray if you really love your partner or if you don’t get caught. We’re shown that it’s alright to look around or to have a fling, and sadly, I have seen this happen a lot throughout my career as a love and relationship coach.
And these are all false illusions. The truth is that happiness and fulfillment CAN be found in your relationship if you put the effort into nurturing it! You don’t need to cheat in order to find happiness, believe me.
Another thing that is important to remember is that at the end of the day, we are all human beings and sometimes good people make mistakes. I have worked with so many clients that are truly good people, and they just had too much to drink one night, they had a lapse in judgment, or they got caught up with the wrong people, and they wound up making a mistake that they bitterly regret.
I know that for many people, cheating is a non-negotiable. When they’ve been burned before, they feel that infidelity should never be excused and that it is not acceptable. And it’s true, it is not acceptable, but it’s also important to be careful to not hastily throw away something that is worth saving and has the potential to heal.
Remember, just because someone did something wrong, it does not automatically mean that they are a bad, malicious person who takes pleasure in hurting you. You CAN be happy and have a moment of weakness. You can also appear to be happy and actually be experiencing dissatisfaction in your life…
How to rebuild trust after cheating & heal your relationship
We live in a society where everyone broadcasts how amazing their life is on social media, and it would appear that everyone is living the dream. Very often, however, we don’t know if they are truly happy. They can be unhappy with themselves, be dealing with things, taking antidepressants or maybe they’re even drinking their sorrows away. There is often a lot going on underneath the surface that we just don’t know about. Don’t be fooled by social media or the smile on a person’s face. We don’t always know what else they might be going through.
When it comes to your partner, it’s important to be able to communicate about these things and learn when they’re not truly happy. For communication tips, I encourage you to read this in-depth article. In order to be fulfilled and genuinely happy, you have to live a life of purpose and give back to others. You can’t only be converted with yourself and personal gain. If you do, it will just lead to a false sense of happiness that leads to you making mistakes that you regret.
On top of this, happy people can also lose themselves. I can’t tell you how often I have worked with couples that had everything going for them, they had a wonderful relationship, they had built a beautiful life together, they had a fantastic family that supported them, but then they lost track of each other over the years. They lost that bond that they used to have. They stop being a team that is pulling in the same direction.
So it’s not enough to be happy, you have to make sure that your partner is happy too and that you’re still connected. It’s crucial that your partner is not left behind in the marriage or relationship and that you aren’t neglecting each other. Remember, this is a union so it isn’t enough for just one person to be thriving. When that union cracks, you run the risk of having to face infidelity.
At the end of the day, cheating is not okay. When a happy person cheats, it means that there is a crack in the foundation of the relationship and something needs to change. It can be personal work that the person who cheated needs to do to undo false truths that they’ve learned from our society, it can be communication work, or it can be establishing a better foundation for this relationship.
As I said, both people involved need to be flourishing and growing together as a team, pulling in the same direction. You must also be careful to pay attention to your own sense of wellbeing because what many people don’t realize is that their unhappiness is dragging their partner down. This can happen subconsciously, so be careful to ensure that you are feeling happy and fulfilled in your life as well.
You’re already on the right track though, the fact that you’re reading this article right now means that you’re willing to move beyond the infidelity that took place, you’re trying to understand, and you’re trying to raise your emotional IQ. It means that you’re already being proactive, so you’re already moving towards finding long-term solutions.
This is something to be proud of. As I said above, if you could use a helping hand, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for a coaching session.
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love,
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4 Responses
I need help with my relationship, we have been dating for a couple of months now and we already have a situation lol. Since the beginning I had trust issues because of my past relationships and because before we started dating he asked if I would want to have sex with him while he was with his girlfriend at the time. He never actually cheated but the relationship ended because he hung out with be while they were on a break. Nothing ever happened between us until they actually broke up because I wasn’t okay with that. Our relationship started months later and I was very scared that he would do something like that to me. Everything in our relationship is amazing and we are very happy, or so I thought. We don’t have any major issues and get along great. We have the same mind set and communicate well. Just the other day I found out that he had created a profile on a sex website and I found out through some random girl that looked for me on social media. I of course confronted him about it and he pretty much said that he did it out of curiosity and attention. He says he’s insecure and doesn’t feel attractive sometimes and wanted some kind of sexual attention. This hurt me a lot and wanted to break up with him immediately but of course I love him and after seeing him as hurt as I was and saw that he was being honest it made me not want to. I am torn in half and don’t know what to do. Half of me wants to give him another chance because I feel he’s being honest and is truly sorry but I also don’t want to get hurt like that again and don’t know if I could trust him again. Any advice would really help! Thank you.
Hi Isabella, I think it would be wise to tread with caution but focus on making him feel wanted and attractive. If you see that he is changing and investing in this relationship with you, not doing anything behind your back, you can work as a team to make sure that both of your needs are met. On the other hand, if you learn that he continues to do things like this behind your back, you will have to think about turning the page.
what if I were the one to cheat and my partner asks to show love. we live in two different parts of the world. how do you show love in a long distance relationship ?
Hi Rio, the best way to show love in a long distance relationship is to be present and communicate. Check in with your parnter regularly, tell them that you’re thinking about them and miss them. Let them see that they are on your mind and that you have sincere feelings for them. Communication is your biggest tool right now.