Dating an insecure man can put a weight on your relationship. Not only does he feel uneasy, it can make you, his partner, feel frustrated and exhausted. A lot of people go into relationships carrying some emotional baggage and inadvertently make their partners pay the price for it. I work with people struggling with these types of situations every single day, so I know how difficult it can be.
That is why I wanted to write this article for you today on what to do if you’re dating an insecure man.
In the first part of this article, I will be going over the signs that indicate that your man is in fact insecure in himself and in your relationship, and then I’ll explore how to fix this situation with you.
Relationships will always have their ups and downs, and it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll never have to face any challenges with the one you love.
But you’ve already gone out of your way to do some research on how to protect your relationship from the challenges that it’s facing, so you’re on the right track! Proactivity and motivation are two of the biggest keys needed to protect and save a relationship, so hats off to you.
This is the kind of attitude that will give your relationship even more longevity.
When a person is insecure in their relationship with the one they love, it’s usually because there is a lack of trust. Whether that lack trust comes from something traumatic and painful that happened in their past, or if it stems from a lack of self confidence, it can have a sizable effect on a person’s relationship.
It can cause them to be clingy and needy, to mistrust their partners and it can even cause fights that are quite unnecessary. So building trust can sound like a daunting task that is going to require a huge amount of patience and, to be honest, it most certainly does require patients.
Building trust between you and your significant other takes time and effort, but I witness clients doing it every single day.
This brings my client, Gary, to mind. I was able to start working with him at the very beginning of his relationship. All of his previous ones had fallen apart because he struggled so much with trust, but this time we wanted to do things differently.
As we worked together, we were able to identify the important qualities that create trust, like managing his insecurities, spending time that he devoted to his projects and goals, and making sure that his partner felt heard and understood by him.
Over the months and with a lot of hard work, he has been able to develop the most solid relationship he’s ever had. They’re still happily together to this day, and neither of them feels that their relationship lacks trust.
So you can achieve this with your partner, too, just like Gary did.
Before we dive any deeper, let’s go over the signs of an insecure man. The clearer idea you have of the situation at hand, the better.
So, when a man is insecure, he’s typically going to jump to conclusions and think the worst about what you’re up to when he’s not around.
You might just be with your girlfriends but he automatically assumes that you’re doing something unsavory behind his back. He might constantly text you to see what you’re doing and who you’re with, but you can still tell that he’s not 100% convinced that you’re telling the truth.
Insecure men might even check your phone to see who you’ve been talking with and what you’ve been saying. You may have also noticed that he just doesn’t believe you, and he doesn’t trust you.
I’ve also worked with women who explained to me that their partners actually demand to have their social media passwords so that they can browse through their messages…
Boundaries are important in relationships, and trust is the root of healthy boundaries.
Now, an insecure man will also struggle with believing that they can be loved without being hurt. This typically happens to people who were hurt by someone they loved in the past, whether it was a romantic partner or a close family member. You might notice that he questions his worthiness in your relationship.
This is hard because you feel like you’re trying to convince him of your love, but it’s somehow not enough. Don’t worry if this is how you’re feeling right now, because I want to go over some remedies with you.
Another issue that often arises in a relationship with an insecure man is codependency. You might start to find that he clings to you and needs you around in order to feel happy in his life. This will create an imbalance in the relationship that can start to feel like a burden on you, so we need to protect against this.
Identifying a codependency problem can be tricky. A person might think that they’re only clingy or codependent on their partner because they love their significant other or because trust was broken somewhere along the line.
However, if you can zero in on truly codependent habits and tendencies, it will do wonders for your relationship and will actually be able to save it.
This brings another client of mine to mind, Jackson. He was very codependent on his partner and relied on her for pretty much everything. He had moved to her city to be with her, so it was normal that he would need a hand in the beginning when he didn’t really know the town yet, but then he made a habit of relying on her for every emotional need. He was so demanding that his girlfriend always be there that she was about to leave him. That’s when he realized that his behavior wasn’t right that that was when he reached out to me.
He knew that his behavior was pushing her away, and though he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to break out of old habits that made him act so insecure, but with time and effort, he was able to create a serious shift in their dynamic. After a couple of coaching sessions and after reading some self-help books like Melody Beattie’s “Codependent No More,” he was able to prove to himself and to his girlfriend that he could be an emotionally independent version in a fulfilling relationship. He just needed to zero in on the root of the problem so that he could find his own personal solutions.
When you’re struggling with someone who is insecure, there are ways that you can help them to learn how to be less insecure. The first thing to do is to do some introspection and manage your expectations. Don’t place unnecessary pressure on them because it could easily make matters worse.
Instead, focus on building a trusting environment. Don’t prove him right if he feels insecure and suspicious about things! For example, when you go out, make an effort to check in with him regularly – send him some pictures, let him know you can’t wait to see him later. Let him see that he’s still on your mind even when he’s not with you and that you haven’t forgotten about him.
It’s also important to try and determine where his insecurities stem from, so that you can figure out how to manage them with your partner.
Make sure you make a conscious effort to compliment him because the more attractive and important you make him feel, the less worried he will be. It’s important to remind him that you care for him, and if he’s constantly reminded of it, he’ll have an easier time being more at ease in your relationship.
Make space for him in your life by inviting him to spend time with your friends and family. The more involved he feels, the less insecure he’ll feel about how you feel and his role in the relationship.
It’s always helpful to put yourself in his shoes and think about how you can anticipate his needs, so that with time he can develop different patterns and different reactions.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who is insecure, you will have noticed that he doesn’t trust that you want him and no one else, he might even cross privacy boundaries because he feels so uneasy, and he might even believe that he can’t be loved without being hurt. When a man loves you and is insecure, he may question his worthiness in a relationship.
So the key is to build a trusting environment and try to determine where his insecurities stem from, so you can find solutions together. Compliment him, involve him, and remind him that you care for him. All of these little things will make a difference over time, but it is also up to him to face his demons.
If he suffered from something in the past that lead to these insecurities or if he has issues with his own self confidence, it is also up to him to make an effort to make concrete changes in his life. You can encourage him to get busier with projects and goals that give him a sense of purpose and accomplishment. The more a person feels like they’ve accomplished things that they can be proud of, the less insecure they tend to be.
You can help him with this. And we can help you navigate through any challenges your relationship is facing. Don’t hesitate to join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. As a team of dedicated love and relationship coaches, we can work with you to give you a custom action plan to help you reach your goals. We also have a brand new toolkit that we’ve specifically designed to help you combat insecurity in your relationship. To access it, all you have to do is click here.
As challenging as this may feel, you’re not stuck in this period, and we are here to help.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re dating an insecure man,
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2 Responses
This was very helpful to me, I am having this problem with a man I love
Hi Sylvia, we are so happy to read that you found this article helpful. Wishing you lots of success in love!