In today’s day and age, we have our plates full with so many responsibilities and so many pressures from society that we can often end up neglecting our partners. We have our schedules full from morning to evening and it’s true that sometimes we make the mistake of not carving out time to nurture our relationships. I often work with people who come to me for help in these types of situations, because they’re realizing that it’s damaging their marriage.
Just yesterday I got a phone call from Doriana, who was telling me that her husband works too much and that she needed to find a way to restore the bond they used to share. It felt like they never spent any time together anymore, and that they were drifting apart. She needed to find a way to rekindle the flame. The challenge was that she felt that he didn’t have time for anything, so she needed to figure out how to approach the situation in a way that would yield results.
This is a very common topic, so I felt that it warranted its very own article. I am going to go over the tips and tools that will help you to recreate the feeling of closeness that you shared with your husband or boyfriend before he started dedicating all his time to his job. My goal is to help you reestablish a sense of balance in your relationship that will make you both happy, and will strengthen your relationship in the years to come! So let’s dive in.
My husband works too much and I miss him
When your husband works too much and you’re feeling lonely, the first thing we need to do is analyze the situation.
When two people have been together for a while, it is not uncommon for the romance to start to fizzle out and for you to start feeling a bit too comfortable. Relationships, like anything important in life, require maintenance. The moment you begin to neglect it, you can start to drift apart.
So in some cases that I see on a regular basis where a husband is working too much, it’s because he just fell into a routine of trying to work on reaching his goals, while not factoring in the neglect that his significant other is feeling. In other cases, however, a man’s work can serve as a good way for him to distract himself from an unsatisfying relationship.
That is why I stress the importance of analyzing the situation and zeroing in on what exactly is going on in your relationship. Before we go any further, I don’t want you to panic even if you’re realizing that married and lonely because your partner needs a distraction from a relationship that is not making him happy. You can fix the situation and restore your relationship, and we are here to help you every step of the way!
So let’s take a look at what to do when your husband works too much and you want him to start craving spending quality time with you again so that you can revamp your relationship!
My husband works too much: The remedy
It’s very important to keep in mind that men place high value on how successful they are in terms of their work. Generally speaking, If a man does not feel like he is accomplishing things, he can actually start to feel depressed and frustrated in his life, which will make it harder for him to foster a fulfilling relationship.
The key is therefore going to be finding balance. If he can dedicate more time to nurturing your relationship, both of you will become happier.
Let’s take a look at some of the best ways to inspire your boyfriend or husband who works too much to want to spend more time with you!
If your husband works too much, remember this
When I was talking to Doriana yesterday, I wanted to bring her attention to a very important point. Though this concept is simple, it can go a long way.
If your husband works too much and you want him to give you and your relationship more attention, always remember that people are motivated by pleasure and not punishment. In other words, you’re going to get a lot further by trying to re-attract his attention than by reprimanding him every time he comes home too late after work or misses another one of your son’s baseball games because of a meeting.
By prioritizing positive reinforcement, you’re going to motivate your husband to want to do more of what gets a positive reaction from you. For example, he has had a bad habit of missing your son’s baseball games, but he finally made it to one. Instead of telling him about how disappointed you and your son are are each time he misses a game, tell him about how happy it made you that he made it to this one. Let him know how your son was beaming when he saw his dad arrive.
By rewarding this behavior, you will give your husband motivation to want to do this again, simply because he sees how happy it made everyone and how he was rewarded for doing it. Instead of thinking, “My wife is always unhappy and upset,” he will be thinking about how good it feels to be more present.
The importance of confidence in a lonely marriage
When you start to feel neglected by the man you love, it’s normal that your sense of self esteem would start to decrease. The problem with this is that it can put you in a sticky situation that sends you in a negative spiral that can actually make things worse.
When a person is frustrated that their spouse is a workaholic, they can start to crave attention so much that it can make them look needy and clingy. So working on making sure that you have a solid sense of self confidence can help you quite a bit. I encourage my clients to get busy with activities that benefit them and make them feel happier in their lives. Think about what kinds of passions and hobbies you can start making time for again, and what kind of personal and professional goals you can start working towards. The busier you are with things that are enriching your life, the more attractive you become in the eyes of your partner.
So if your husband has too much work today, you’ve got your own things going on as well and you’re not just waiting around at home for him, twiddling your thumbs. The more active you are, the more confident you will feel in your life, and the more attractive you will become to him!
Nonverbal messages will work with your spouse
You can have intimacy without words as well when you’re working on inspiring your husband to spend more time with you. When you are together, make sure you’re thinking about your body language. Avoid having your arms crossed or staring at the floor.
Think more about being tactile and affectionate, and always being positive. Don’t forget the power of eye contact! If you can mirror your husband’s body language and mannerisms, you can create a bond on a subconscious level that makes you feel closer.
So make little affectionate gestures when you’re together like holding his hand when you’re walking together, giving him a hug, and make sure you make time for intimacy. Never underestimate the power of affection – even if things are feeling a little bit tense right now.
Take care of yourself physically if you’re feeling spousal neglect
I worked with a man recently who was in the same situation. He and his wife both worked, but she actually was a workaholic who was rarely ever home during the week. She’d even be in the office for most of the weekends. Because he was beginning to feel neglected, he had stopped seeing the point of taking care of himself.
He didn’t feel attractive to her, so his ego took a hit and he stopped going to the gym and stopped paying attention to how he was dressed. As you can imagine, this didn’t really help things but he was just feeling down and didn’t see the point in making an effort for her.
So we worked on restoring his sense of self confidence and physical health, and he started to see a shift in the dynamic of the relationship. Instead of being a lonely husband, he was now starting to take care of himself and guess who took notice…
That’s right, he started to spark his wife’s curiosity because he was starting to look and feel better, he started to present himself in an attractive way again, and he was actually starting to remind her of the man she had fallen in love with in the first place, but a new and improved version! So if your husband is working all the time, I encourage you to spark his attention by taking care of yourself physically! Also, it’s always fun to go out and buy some lingerie that makes you feel sexy and have some fun showing them to your husband!
To take it a step further, I encourage you to check out our product on building attraction in your relationship. To access it, just click here!
Surprise him when he works all the time
Long term relationships can sometimes become monotonous and predictable, which can in turn make the person want to focus more on something like their career. One of the best ways to get a relationship out of a rut just to surprise your significant other.
You know this man better than anyone so use this to your advantage! You know how you could surprise him in a way that he would love. Because he is a busy man, you can plan a date night in advance, but not tell him what you are going to do. Let him think that you’re planning to go have dinner and see a movie, but then surprise him with a hotel booked for the evening. Do something that would catch him off guard and make the relationship feel exciting again, so that he would be more inclined to want to want to spend more moments like that with you.
The right attitude when approaching the situation
As I mentioned above, positivity is going to go a long way when you have a husband who works too much. The more you reproach him for it, the less time he’s going to want to spend with you. The key is making him associate you with positivity, fun, and excitement.
So you can be desirable by avoiding complaining and drama, but also by giving him space to do his thing while you do your thing. Men value freedom and independence very much, so show him that you don’t need to be joined at the hip because you’ve got plenty of things going on as well. Combine that with carving out time to surprise him and reignite the passion between you, and you’ll have his undivided attention.
When you are together, build him up and cheer on his accomplishments! Men love to feel valued and like their partners are proud of them. The more your husband associates you with positive emotions, the more time he is going to want to spend with you.
When your husband works too much, you can create a new dynamic
It is important for you and the man you love to be on the same page regarding his presence in the relationship. Perhaps he works too much right now, but you two can start to work together towards having a schedule in the future that is more conducive towards nurturing your relationship.
As you start to change the dynamic, pay attention to all the little things that make up your daily lives. To summarize, when you have a husband who works too much,
• Focus on re attracting him instead of reprimanding him. People are motivated by pleasure; not punishment
• Confidence and a sense of well being in your life are very attractive traits
• Think about nonverbal communication as a means of inspiring him to want to spend more time together
• Surprise him!
• Avoid negativity like drama or complaining
• Give him space
• Approach him with the right frame of mind: Think about affection, respect, understanding, intimacy
• Always build him up!
As I said, we are here to help you every step of the way. Join the Happily Committed Project for one on one guidance to transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way. To work with me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here. You can also leave any comments or questions you might have in the comments section below, and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know what to do when your husband works too much,