The prospect of life after divorce can feel daunting and overwhelming. When you’ve built a marriage with someone that did not end up the way that you had expected it to, you enter a period of transformation. We’ve all heard about the concept of “growing pains,” and this process will be uncomfortable.
That said, it is an incredible opportunity to begin a new chapter of your life that is filled with unprecedented joy and success.
Here at Happily Committed, we work with individuals every single day who are working on moving on after a divorce, and it is our goal to provide them with all the tips and tools they need to create the life of their dreams from here on out.
We have combined over twenty years’ worth of expertise in the field of love, relationships, and personal development to offer you tips and techniques that are tried and true. Though this may feel like one of the hardest experiences of your life, you will make it to the other side of this.
You now have access to all the tools you need to bounce back, heal, and enter the next phase of your life. By implementing the tools that I will be going over with you in today’s article, you will be setting yourself up for longterm success in your personal life and in your love life.
You are not in this alone, and we are here to help you every step of the way. You’re already on the right path because you have gone out of your way to seek out information on how to build a new life after a divorce.
In other words, you’re not letting this breakup break you, so you’re already heading in the right direction! Without further ado, let’s dive into how to handle life after divorce in the absolute best way!
Life after divorce is a beautiful thing
I know that there is a negative connotation associated with life after divorce. You assume that you’re doomed to dwell in the aftermath of heartache forever, but so many people don’t realize that divorce can be a wonderful blessing.
It is something that has cleared the path for happiness to make its way back into your life! There are so many different situations that can lead to divorce but the fact of the matter remains the same. The relationship was no longer working, and it was no longer serving you.
In many cases, the relationship had actually turned toxic. Take my client Irene for example. She was a successful business owner and mother of 3 children living in the UK who reached out to me to try to save her marriage.
She truly had only the best intentions in the world and wanted to do whatever she could to make sure that she had tried everything to avoid getting divorced for the sake of her children and for the sake of her marriage. Once we started our coaching session, and she started to share her story, I quickly realized that she had been in an emotionally abusive marriage for the past 20 years.
The reality is that she was married to someone who was actually a manipulator and a narcissist. As we worked together, I provided her with guidance and clarity. In some cases, separation or divorce is the best way to regain a sense of inner peace and happiness.
She needed that new beginning and honest and unbiased advice that enabled her to alleviate the sense of guilt that she felt. She was able to stop holding on to her marriage and was truly grateful as the weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders.
She wrote to me recently, saying that she has never been so happy. She realized that she had feared winding up single for so long that it kept her from exiting her marriage, but now that she was on the other side of it all, she couldn’t be happier. With some personal development and self-love, she was able to transform her life after divorce.
So let’s get into the nitty-gritty and take a look at how exactly you do this!
Life after divorce for women and men
One thing to keep in mind right off the bat is that you’re already on the other side of the hardest part. Making the decision to divorce and going through the process of it are some of the hardest things you have to do. But now it is done, and you can begin to work on moving on with your life.
Now, there are many different ways that you can move on from a divorce, and it is not something that happens overnight. I don’t want to lie to you because you always deserve the truth, and it will help you to make sure that you’re putting all the odds in your favor.
By having a clear picture of the entire situation at hand, you will have all the tools you need to create the best action plan. I also want to remind you that if you have any questions at all or if you would like to work together, all you have to do is click here for one on one coaching.
Through our YouTube videos, the articles on this blog, our programs, and our coaching sessions, we strive to provide you will all the support you need to make sure that you are the happiest that you can be.
The first thing I want to go over with you is the importance of time. The grieving stage after divorce will take time, and it is very important that you allow yourself this time to heal. I know that we live in a go-go-go culture where instant gratification reigns, but we need to be careful about rushing through this stage.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how busy you are or how many other responsibilities you may have; taking care of yourself after a divorce is crucial.
I have seen so many people use the excuse of “I don’t have time” because they don’t want to face their emotions and would rather bury themselves in work than to work through them, but it’s important to note that these emotions are not going to go away just because you’re trying to sweep them under the rug.
More often than not, when you try to ignore the pain that you experience post-divorce, it ends up surging up later on in a much more intense way.
By acknowledging the pain you’re feeling, you allow yourself to chip away at it.
A lot of time, healing, moving on, and living your best life after a divorce starts with rebuilding a sense of self-worth. So I encourage you to do these things :
What to do after a divorce: #1
Remember why you are unique.
Make a list of your quality attributes and all the things that you do well. We need to focus on the positive aspects of your life, and every single day, your job is to either put yourself in a position where your quality attributes can really shine or do something that you truly enjoy. This way, you are creating an environment where you can constantly remind yourself of the positive aspects of your life and what you bring to the table.
Finding yourself after divorce: #2
Surround yourself with the people that love you and make you feel safe. This is especially true right after a divorce happens. You’re naturally going to be in a very vulnerable spot, so it’s important to allow your loved ones to support you. It’s very important to feel loved at a time like this because the divorce can leave you feeling rejected and under-appreciated. It’s these people (that perhaps you have neglected while you were so consumed by your marriage and your divorce), that you now you need to reconnect with. Perhaps you need to make amends with friends, family, childhood friends, or colleagues because they will be there and support you through this.
Starting life after divorce: #3
Create new patterns and environments
You need to create something new. It’s the best way to move forward from this divorce. Doing things that will not remind you of the pain or of your ex will make all the difference. When you do this, new, amazing things will start to happen like meeting new people, having new experiences, learning new things about yourself, finding new interests… You can discover a new side of yourself that perhaps you did not know much about! This is actually a large part of what we do with clients every week.
Each person receives customized tips and tools because each situation is entirely unique, but I do focus on self-discovery with all of my clients. I highly encourage you to follow these tips and to start implementing them into your daily life starting today. The more you focus on making your life better, the more gratification you’re going to feel. Better things are to come, and I want you to make this your mantra!
How to find yourself after divorce: The key
A positive mindset is everything. One of the things I remind my clients is that very often, it is after a painful divorce that you are truly able to flourish. It is a powerful catalyst for positive change in a person’s life, and if they play their cards right, they can end up being happier than ever before! You can discover a new version of yourself, a new person that will enable you to achieve your purpose and to live a meaningful life.
It is normal that it would feel challenging right now, but this is all a part of the process. I once worked with a man named Robert, who was in his mid-40s. He and his wife had been married for close to 20 years but unfortunately, they stopped being friends a long, long time ago. They were both just coasting through life, focused on their kids, their careers, their friends, and their hobbies… but they had completely neglected each other and their relationship. The disconnect was especially apparent every time they went on holidays because they would fight over trivial things. During our coaching session, Robert realized that he and his wife would fight every time they were forced to spend extended time together. They had built separate realities even though they lived in the same house and slept in the same bed. They no could relate to each other, and their lack of empathy or ability to relate to one another were clear signs that their marriage was over despite the fact that they were still technically together.
When they went through the divorce, it took Robert a while to accept and adjust to his new life. However, once he began working on himself and started actively trying to change his mindset, new opportunities started to present themselves to him. He started to develop a new taste for life, and as well continued to work together, he realized that he was beginning a new chapter that was shaping up to be even more exciting than what he had previously experienced. He explored new activities, got more physically active, went on some incredible trips, advanced in his career, and after some time on his own, he started dating someone new. When we spoke, he told me that things have been going so much better in his life than he had previously believed possible and that he was so happy to have made the decision to end his previous marriage. So I want you to know that incredible things are on the horizon for you, too.
I know that thinking about how to rebuild your life after divorce can seem daunting like I said, but some of the best things in life come directly after you go through a challenging period.
Finding hope after divorce: Moving forward
As I have been saying, a divorce is not synonymous with the death of happiness in your life. In fact, a divorce is an opportunity for you to grow, for you to become the person that you’ve always wanted to be! If you’re going through this challenging period in your life, there is a reason for it. It means that it’s time to make some changes and that it’s time to evolve. Life is giving you a kick to make sure that you really push yourself and address the things that need to be addressed.
Now you have a reason to make concrete changes to benefit your life for good! I can’t tell you how many clients have reached out to us after they finalized their divorce and truly moved on to say that it’s the best decision of their lives! At this juncture, just remind yourself that it is natural and normal for this to feel challenging. You will experience highs and lows and parts of this will be challenging, and when they are, remind yourself of this. It is something that will help you to remain motivated ad continue to work on improving your life and taking care of yourself. This is especially true if you’ve been in a toxic relationship like my client Reina was. She was in an 8-year relationship with the man who she called the “love of her life.” However, her relationship was very, very toxic. This “love” would verbally abuse her, gaslight her and make her believe she is crazy, and tell her that she’s worthless. However, despite all of this, she was glued to the relationship. So much so that her identity was deeply rooted in his love for her. Whenever he made her feel worthless, she was convinced it was because she was. Reina originally reached out to me because she wanted to keep the relationship going. However, when she shared with me what was going on, and shared the extent of the toxicity, I told her what I don’t like to tell clients – that I cannot help her stay with this man.
Instead, we worked on helping her move on from this relationship and find happiness on her own. I am happy to say that she is one of the people that has reached out to say that life has never been so good for her. She now feels empowered and liberated and has completely transformed the life she’s living.
After divorce: Finding happiness again
When one door closes, another door opens if you’re prepared to do the work to become the new and improved version of yourself. We are here to help you in this transition if you need us. To summarize what we went over in today’s article when it comes to making the most of life after divorce, there are three things you need to do:
1. Remind yourself why you are unique
2. Surround yourself with your friends and family members that love you and make you feel safe
3. Create new patterns and environments for yourself.
If you can do this, you can allow your life to blossom into something better than ever before. I also want you to know that we have created a program designed to help you move on from a breakup or divorce with ease, grace, and peace of mind. It isn’t an easy process, but once again, you’re not in this alone. Join the Happily Committed Project and learn how to transform your life in a meaningful and dignified way. Allow yourself to believe that this is the start of an extremely happy period in your life and that everything you have gone through has lead you to this moment.
Don’t lose faith in life because it truly is full of surprises around every corner. You never know who you’re going to meet or what kind of incredible experience you’re going to have. So continue to remind yourself of all the things you bring to the table, make sure that you create a positive environment for yourself with the people you surround yourself with, and invite a sense of freshness into your life. This can be in terms of the activities you’re doing, but it can also be in your home. Don’t hesitate to change up your space by getting new sheets, switching up the placement of your furniture, giving your rooms a new paint job… These little things can go a long way. Not only are you taking care of yourself, but you’re also showing yourself that you are capable of taking concrete steps in the right direction.
Confidence comes from a sense of accomplishment, so the time has come to grab life by the horns!
I sincerely wish you all the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to handle life after divorce,