Moving in together is such an important step and it’s such an important symbol of progress in your relationship. It’s an incredibly fun experience but it can also be very nerve-wracking as well. If you are thinking about making the big move, it’s crucial that you have a serious talk with your partner about it.
This might seem blatantly obvious to you, but a lot of the people I work with realize that they just expected that they’d move in with their boyfriend or girlfriend after X amount of time, whereas their partner did not see things the same way at all! So I want to start things off by talking about how to approach the subject of when to move in together with the one you love.
The first thing to bear in mind is that timing is everything. If you’re trying to rush moving in together with your boyfriend or girlfriend, they could easily feel pressured and pull away – which, of course, is the exact opposite of what we want in this situation.
It’s not uncommon for people to get very excited about the prospect of moving in together and inadvertently jump ahead. Many of us imagine the day we get married and have children from a very early age, and moving in together with a boyfriend or girlfriend can feel like a wonderful step in that direction. The problem arises when this step feels rushed and your significant other feels pressured!
So my first piece of advice is to factor in your partner’s timeline and make sure that sharing your first apartment or house together does not make your partner feel like he or she is being pushed. In addition to this, make sure that you aren’t trying to move in together because you’re feeling societal pressures!
The next thing I want to bring your attention to is the importance of not using this as a tool to fix your relationship. We have seen so many instances in which a person tries to use moving in, or getting married, or even getting pregnant as a bandaid for their relationship because they’re afraid they’re going to break up!
When there is an underlying issue in the relationship, focusing on the commitment is not going to fix the problem. Focusing on fixing the problem is what is going to save your relationship, not changing your living situation! Truth be told, moving in together and trying to use it as a bandaid usually has the opposite effect and can really undermine a relationship. If you’re living in the same place and are constantly fighting, the fights can become even more explosive and tensions can really rise. Focus instead on what you can change or adjust to make the relationship more stable and more healthy.
When your relationship is in a place where you feel comfortable and happy together, moving in and living together will come naturally. Just focus on making your relationship feel gratifying for both of you, and you can give your boyfriend or girlfriend a sneak peek into how it would be to live with you. If you can make little gestures that show that living with you would be an added value in your partner’s life, they will be more inclined to want to live together. For more information on how to do this, I encourage you to watch this video:
Before moving in together checklist: Communication
Before we dive into the biggest tips for moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend, I want to go over the most important thing of all: Communication!
When you begin sharing a living space with someone, you’re going to need to discuss the ins and outs of what you expect from each other. I always remind my clients that no one can read minds! While it might seem logical for you to put all your dirty dishes in the dishwasher before you go to bed, your partner might not feel the same. While your partner might still want to go out a couple of nights a week and hang out with their friends, you might wind up feeling a bit left out. Little things like this can accumulate and cause there to be frustrations between you.
So before you move in together, I can’t stress the importance of talking to each other enough. This is the best thing that you two could do for yourselves when you’re thinking about your moving in together checklist.
Take some time to observe how you live in your own space and think about how your significant other would perceive it. Are you messy? Are you organized? What could you do to make your living situation with your partner make him or her feel cozy and happy?