If you’re familiar with our philosophy, then you know how often we talk about the importance of self confidence when it comes to love and relationships. Insecurities can really undermine the foundation of any romantic relationship and can really cause some damage.
Someone came to me with a very important question not too long ago and they wanted to know about what exactly you can do if your boyfriend or husband is the one that is insecure in the relationship.
This is such an interesting topic and very many people come to me with questions about it, so I wanted to take some time today to write this article for you.
There are various signs of an insecure man in love, and if you know what to be on the lookout for, you will have an easier time pinpointing what’s going on and defining appropriate solutions for it.
In today’s article I am going to go over how to spot the signs, and what kind of actions can make him feel more secure in the relationship. In turn, this is going to strengthen the relationship between you because you’ll both be feeling more fulfilled. So let’s take a look, shall we?
Insecure men: How can you tell if you’re in a relationship with one?
Marlena came to me with this issue a few weeks back. She had been dating this man, Ray, for about eight months and she started to pick up the fact that he seemed to need quite a bit of reassurance from her.
She was a bit caught off guard because at the beginning of the relationship, he was so charismatic, he had so many interesting things going on, and of course, these were just some of the things that drew her to him!
So when he started to exhibit a lot of the signs I’m about to go over with you in this article, she didn’t really know what to do with the relationship. She started to feel suffocated and frustrated by his behavior, and tensions began to rise between them.
Then we began to work together, and I began sharing some tools with her on how she can start to make him feel more secure in the relationship.
The problem was that the more he pined for her attention and showed her that he was insecure, the more she would pull away. The more she would pull away, the more he would pine for her attention and show signs of insecurity, so they started to go into a downward spiral.
Fortunately, she wants to make this relationship work so by taking a step back, putting things into perspective, and working with someone like me who could help her navigate this type of situation, she was able to start implementing the tips and tools that I’ll be going over momentarily.
The more she began being empathetic towards the way he was feeling, the easier it began to be for her to do things that little by little are starting to help him feel more confident in love.
So I know you’re wondering what exactly you can do to figure out what’s going on here and define the best solutions!
Signs of an insecure man in love: Paying attention to how he treats himself and how he treats you
One of the easiest ways to figure out if you’re seeing signs of an insecure man in love is to look at how he treats himself. Does it seem like he feels he’s never good enough, does he critique himself a lot, does he compare himself to others?
Does he compare himself to the other people that you spend time with and make it clear that he feels inferior or threatened?
If so, you’re seeing signs of a man who is insecure. It’s true that men in love can get a bit possessive, but if you see that it’s directly related to what he brings to the table vs what other men might bring you, then he’s insecure.
Insecure in love: Controlling behavior
If your man is controlling and demands to know where you are and who you’re spending your time with, it means that he’s insecure. A person who is confident and secure will not feel the need to question their partner’s every move.
If a person is insecure in love, then they’re going to try to control you so that they can feel like they’re not at risk for getting hurt. It actually all boils down to a profound fear of getting hurt by someone they love.
So keep an eye out for whether your boyfriend or husband demands to know what you’re up to at all times, if he needs to go through your social media accounts frequently and wants to have access to your private things like your passwords, your phone, your emails, and so on and so forth, it means that he’s insecure in the relationship.
Insecure boyfriend: Lack of self confidence
If a man does not believe in himself, if he self-loathes, and if he’s always putting himself down, it means that he’s struggling with insecurity in the relationship and in love.
This probably sounds like a no brainer to you, but a lot of people don’t pay attention to the fact that some men are really insecure in love and end up doing things that really damage the foundation of the relationship. So if he never believes you, even if you’re telling the truth, it’s a sign of broken trust and insecurity.
Another sign of an insecure man in love is when he discourages you from spending time with yourself or with your friends in situations that don’t involve him.
As I said above, it is all rooted in lack of self confidence, but there ARE some things that you can do to help when you’re with an insecure person…
What causes insecurity in a relationship: Zeroing in on the root
When it comes to insecurity in a partner, it will be important for you to learn where exactly it’s coming from. Did you break his trust, or did someone else in a past relationship? Did something happen in his life that made him lose confidence in himself? How much of his insecurity are you responsible for?
By knowing your role in all of this, you’ll be able to asses how much of his experience in your relationship is within your control, or if he needs to find support to help him manage things that are outside your control.
You can actually easily ease his insecurities by being understanding and trying to learn where he’s coming from. A lot of people get frustrated with insecure partners and end up getting angry and having a fit, which actually just makes their partner that much more insecure.
It can then turn into a snowball effect that becomes harder and harder to diffuse.
If you’re dealing with an insecure man in love, you can ease his insecurity by reaffirming that you love him. Go ahead and try texting, “I love you” to him in the middle of the afternoon at random to let him know that even when you’re not together, he’s still on your mind.
What a man can do when he’s showing signs of insecurity in his relationship
When a man is feeling insecure, it’s important for him to know that there are things that he can do to make himself feel better as well. It’s not just all about what YOU can do for him. He needs to be able to bring happiness into his own life, otherwise the relationship will start to become imbalanced.
So here are few things that your man can start doing:
• Focusing on the things he does well
Encourage your man to think about what he excels at, and encourage him to put himself in situations where he knows he’ll be able to shine. For example, if he happens to be a great breakdancer, he can start taking dance classes and have all kinds of fun doing something he loves and is good at.
The more he sees himself shine, the more his confidence levels will rise.
• Cultivating gratitude and positivity
It’s really easy to get into our heads and fixate on our insecurities and things that make us unhappy, but an incredible shift happens when you start making a conscious effort to focus on the good. It puts you in a very different mindset and makes you feel much better about yourself and your life.
• Surrounding himself with people that make him feel good
This goes hand in hand with my previous point. If your man can limit his interactions with negative people or individuals that make him feel less than, it’s going to be a lot easier to start feeling better.
• Finding joy in being more independent
He needs to be more independent and focus on things that specifically bring him joy, even if you, his partner, don’t want to join in! You shouldn’t need to do everything together, and this is the type of thing that can really reinforce a relationship!
So he needs to be able to challenge himself and step outside of his comfort zone. The more he can do this, the happier he will feel and the more attractive he will be to you. He could even start by making a bucket list for himself!
An insecure man in love can become secure when you two work together
So like I said, it all boils down to confidence.
If you can zero in on where these feelings of insecurity are stemming from, how much of it you’re responsible for and what it within your control, then you can start to work on implementing actions in your daily life that let him know that he’s important to you and that he’s on your mind.
If you want to dive deeper into how to overcome a lack of self confidence, I encourage you to check out our product on getting rid of insecurity once and for all! You can access it by clicking here.
He also needs to work on overcoming insecurity on his own, which he can do by working on becoming more independent and proud of what he brings to the table!
So if you’ve seen the signs of an insecure man in a relationship because he’s controlling, doesn’t believe in himself and belittles himself, compares himself to others all the time, and doesn’t trust you when he should, don’t panic. This can change if both of you are willing to make an effort.
It’s not going to get fixed overnight, but little by little, you can show this man that he can trust you and this relationship, that you’re with him for a reason, and that he isn’t at risk for losing you all the time.
Sometimes people really struggle because of something that happened to them in the past, but as time goes on and they have new experiences, the good experiences start to outweigh the bad, and their insecurities start to fade away. It’s just a question of being proactive about it!
Don’t just sit back on the couch and wait for things to change on their own. I always remind my clients that they’re in charge of a lot more than they might realize.
So remember, we are here to help you every step of the way so if you need help showing your partner that he has no reason to worry so that you can bring more lightness and balance to your relationship, all you have to do is click here. Join the Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship in a meaningful and dignified way!
Please feel free to also leave any questions you might have in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to get back to you.
I sincerely wish you nothing but the best in life and love,
Your coach when you see the signs of an insecure man in love,