Exiting a toxic relationship will require great amount of strength – especially because it’s very hard to control human nature. It is very difficult to not want to hurt someone back who is hurting you. There is pride, ego, the sense of wanting revenge or evening the playing field. I mean, if it was easy to end a toxic relationship there would be a lot less of them out there.
So the first step is to identify the situation and realize that you are unhappy and actually want out.
The next step is one that surprises most people. When you’ve decided that it is time to leave this relationship, do not rush! You’re probably reading that thinking, “Wait why wouldn’t I want to get out of the situation is fast as possible…?”
The reason is that you need to collect the strength and prepare yourself for leaving this relationship. Unless you’re being physically abused (in which case the sooner you get out, the better), you need to take the time to break the cycle a breaking up and getting back together all the time. Because there is no respect and dignity in these types of relationships, it’s dangerously easy to break up and not mean it, and get back together not long after. This is how you develop violent highs and lows, so we need to break the pattern.
The more time you take to do this well, more time you’re giving yourself to prepare, plan out an approach, and feel confident in your actions. In addition to this, you will be less likely to go back, second-guess your decision, and restart the cycle.
How to leave when you’ve recognized signs of a toxic person
Because you are taking your time to do this, you can write a letter to your partner. If it is truly abusive and toxic, this will grant you the opportunity to collect your thoughts and organize them on paper. If your significant other truly cares about you, they will let you go and no longer hold you down. If they don’t let up and keep trying to reel you back in, then it is important to not answer and protect your dignity.
Another option is talking to them face-to-face. I recommend preparing your speech in the mirror and practicing what you want to say to your toxic boyfriend or girlfriend. You can coach yourself and feel prepared. Now, keep in mind that this talk should not be more than 20 minutes and it should not be dramatic or theatrical. The reason for this is very simple. The longer time you spend doing it, the easier it becomes to second-guess your decision and change your mind about leaving this toxic person.
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Incorporate a good support system
Breaking up is hard, no matter what. It doesn’t matter if it’s a toxic relationship or if it’s a relationship whose flame has fizzled out… it’s always hard.
Emotions are complex and deeply rooted, so it is a good idea to tell your friends and family that you are planning on ending this relationship so that they can be there for you afterwards. Let your support systems support you because you will be dealing with painful emotions as you are letting go of the memories of the good times. Just remember that the good times did not cancel out the bad times, and that you are worthy of a whole and healthy love that builds you up and helps you to become the absolute best version of yourself.
That love is out there, and it is in your power to open the door to it.
I know that these situations are very challenging, but I want to know that we are here to help you every step of the way. As a dedicated team of love and relationship coaches, it is our mission to provide you with the tools and techniques you need to grant yourself access to long lasting happiness in love.
Join The Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship before it’s too late or let us help you heal and move forward with your life in a dignified and meaningful way. Together we can work on reaching your goal by providing you with a clear-cut action plan that has been tailor-made to fit your relationship, your situation, and your specific needs.
Wishing you the absolute best in life and love
Your coach when you are looking for the signs of a toxic relationship