One of the most common issues that people encounter in relationships is a feeling of insecurity, so I often work with people on finding solutions that can repair and reinforce their relationship, while offering them longterm tools to overcome these problems. Insecurities can damage a relationship’s foundation, so it’s crucial that we find ways to overcome it. The first step towards success in overcoming insecurity is zeroing in on what causes insecurity in a relationship.
In today’s article, I am going to explore the reasons behind why these insecurities develop, so that we can then explore the solutions available to you.
I know that insecurities can keep you up all night and really make you feel uneasy in the relationship, and the problem with this is that your significant other will pick up on this and might start to pull away.
Unfortunately, this often happens without you realizing what’s going on, and then suddenly the relationship is suffering. So let’s take a look at how to pinpoint the root of the problem so that we can figure out how to overcome insecurity once and for all!
One of the keys to building a solid relationship that will withstand the test of time is confidence. Without confidence, we start to seek constant reassurance from our partner and we start to flirt with emotional dependency, which is actually one of the biggest relationship killers.
When you start to become emotionally dependent on someone, you start to lose track of your own life and you begin to depend on your partner for your happiness. This places an inappropriate amount of pressure on their shoulders for something that should not be their responsibility, and this is when tensions begin to rise.
The more you seek reassurance, the more they pull away because they’re feeling suffocated, and the more they pull away, the more insecure you feel. It becomes a downward spiral that can leave a significant amount of damage.
I have been a love and relationship coach for many years now, and I have taken note of some patterns in the people that come to me for help with figuring out the causes of insecurity. For many of them, there is a something specific that happened at one point (or multiple times) in their past.
This can be the lack of love from a parent or an important family member, it can be infidelity in a previous relationship, it can be broken trust in the current relationship, or it could just be that they were raised in a way that made them feel distrustful of partners.
It can be any combination of factors like these. So if someone you loved cheated on you, or if you saw deception and experienced disappointment in how your parents treated each other, or even if something happened that made you feel betrayed in your past, it would not be shocking that you would be experiencing insecurity in your relationship.
One of the keys to building a solid relationship that will withstand the test of time is confidence. Without confidence, we start to seek constant reassurance from our partner and we start to flirt with emotional dependency, which is actually one of the biggest relationship killers.
When you start to become emotionally dependent on someone, you start to lose track of your own life and you begin to depend on your partner for your happiness.
This places an inappropriate amount of pressure on their shoulders for something that should not be their responsibility, and this is when tensions begin to rise. The more you seek reassurance, the more they pull away because they’re feeling suffocated, and the more they pull away, the more insecure you feel.
It becomes a downward spiral that can leave a significant amount of damage.
I have been a love and relationship coach for many years now, and I have taken note of some patterns in the people that come to me for help with figuring out the causes of insecurity. For many of them, there is a something specific that happened at one point (or multiple times) in their past.
This can be the lack of love from a parent or an important family member, it can be infidelity in a previous relationship, it can be broken trust in the current relationship, or it could just be that they were raised in a way that made them feel distrustful of partners. It can be any combination of factors like these.
So if someone you loved cheated on you, or if you saw deception and experienced disappointment in how your parents treated each other, or even if something happened that made you feel betrayed in your past, it would not be shocking that you would be experiencing insecurity in your relationship.
Fortunately, you can make changes in your life that will help you to overcome these feelings and make you feel more secure in your relationship.
There are other cases, however, in which a person is looking for the cause of their insecurities in the relationship when they haven’t experienced a specific shock. They weren’t cheated on, they weren’t lied to by their ex, their parents had a very loving relationship, and they come to me asking “Why am I so insecure in my relationship?”
In these situations, the causes of insecurity usually stem from a lack of confidence in their own life. This often happens when a relationship starts to take center stage in their life and they lose track of their passions, hobbies, personal and professional goals, and their friends and family.
In the beginning, the relationship is so exciting that it’s dangerously easy to lose track of all of the things you were doing in your life before you got into this relationship. That’s why it’s so important to force yourself to maintain your personal life. It’s actually a perfect way to protect your relationship while protecting your own happiness! I will expand on this in a moment.
How to stop being insecure in a relationship: 15 surefire techniques
The most important thing you can do right now is zero in on the root cause of your insecurity. I highly encourage you to take some time to analyze your situation, your past, and your relationship.
• Did your partner do something that broke your trust in the past?
• Did an ex partner do something that made you feel insecure in your relationship in the past?
• Is there something you feel that you are lacking?
• Do you feel valued by your significant other?
• Is there a chance that you’re experiencing emotional dependency on your partner?
• Is there an event or a series of events from your past that contributed to your feelings of insecurity?
• Does your partner exhibit behavior that makes you feel unworthy?
It is also very important to keep an eye out for toxic relationships. There are some cases in which the insecurity a person feels can be developed and/or amplified by an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes, an addiction to the relationship will develop when insecurity is already present. For more information on these types of relationships, I highly recommend clicking the link.
As this article comes to a close, I’d like to explore the solutions available to you so that you can start to make positive changes right away!
The easiest way to start to build confidence is through accomplishment. The more things you do, the better you will start to feel, so I encourage you to start setting goals for yourself. You can start with setting small goals for yourself that you can set on a daily basis, and then you can start to work towards bigger goals. Think about how you can start filling up your schedule with people and activities that bring you joy.
If you want to become more secure in your relationship, you must start working on becoming more secure with yourself by doing things that make you feel proud and accomplished.
Think about what elements of your personal life got put on the back burner as this relationship took precedent in your life, and start organizing your schedule so that you can begin making time for these things again.
A good tool for this is setting short term goals that will help you to reach long-term goals. Think of where you would like to see yourself two years from now, and start working backwards.
In order to reach this goal, where would you need to be one year from now?
And six months from now?
So what can you start doing now to be where you’d need to be one month from now to reach this goal?
We’ve also created a special product to help you overcome insecurity in relationships. To access it, all you have to do is click here.
When you start to feel more active and more in control, you will start to feel more confident and you’ll see that your personal insecurities and relationship insecurities will start to dissipate. In addition to this, your partner will begin to see you in a new light, and you will see a shift in the dynamic between you. The more confident and secure you are in who you are and what you bring to the table, and the busier you are, the more attractive you will be to your significant other! They will start to see you as an exciting challenge again and will make more of an effort to get close to you, so you’ll have less reason to feel insecure in your relationship.
At the end of the day, it’s all about being active and doing the things that make your life better. Your happiness is your own responsibility, and that means that you hold all the power in your hands! For more information on how to stop being insecure, I encourage you to read this article. You can also get in touch with us for one on one coaching by clicking right here!
There are many causes of insecurity in a relationship, like past trauma, broken trust, infidelity, lies, betrayal, upbringing, perfectionism, inferiority complexes, fear of rejection, and a lack of satisfaction in your own life.
Whatever the cause may be, the basis for all the solutions is building your self confidence. If you can become proud of the person you are, you’re going to make sure you don’t accept anything that is less than what you deserve, you will have less of a need for reassurance, you will steer clear of needy or clingy behavior, and you will start to turn into the new and improved version of yourself.
Not only will your partner see you in a new light, you will start to feel much better about yourself and about your life, and there is nothing better!
I know that things might be feeling rough right now, but this is such a common issue and there are so many solutions available to you! We work with people in this situation all the time. In fact, just this morning I received this:
I would like to thank you and your team for your help and support when I was really down and struggling with my life. But the good thing is that I am back again… and I could not be happier!! I would have never thought that this would ever happen again but it did. We are happy, life is light, pressure vanished and we are the strong and blissful couple we used to be. It’s hard work… but definitely worth it. God bless!
Kjell
As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts, we are here to help you every step of the way. Join the Happily Committed Project and let us give you the tools and techniques that will help you to transform your relationship and self confidence in a meaningful way. You can reach out to us or leave any question you may have in the comments section below!
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I loved ur article !!!