Having a midlife crisis is something that we often hear about, but what does it actually mean? What is a midlife crisis and how do you know if you or someone you love is in the middle of one? I wanted to write today’s article on how to define a midlife crisis and how to navigate through it.
It can be a very challenging time and a lot of relationships suffer because of midlife crises, but if you know what to look for and how to react, you can get to the other side of it safely.
I’ve been working with people who have come to me for help in restoring their relationships when the dreaded midlife crisis strikes, but it’s not as daunting as it may seem. I know it might sound scary, but it’s important to remember that it is temporary.
At the end of this article, I’m going to give you some tips and tools to help you survive you or your partner’s midlife crisis so that your relationship can once again reach its former glory.
An existential crisis is a bit different for men and women, so I will also go over what it looks like for both. There are a lot of tools available to you to make this period go more smoothly, so let’s take a look!
As a general rule, a midlife crisis doesn’t only affect middle aged men and women. It can be felt by people who are right around the age of 30 as well, and some people will experience this crisis more than once in their lives.
When it comes to defining an existential crisis, or a midlife crisis, it can be characterized by having a deep sense of anxiety over the direction and quality of your life. It’s a period of anxiety, doubt, and disappointment in terms of your career, your relationship, or even your finances.
When a person is experiencing a midlife crisis, they’ll start to panic and feel like they haven’t been doing things correctly, or that they’re missing out on other opportunities that won’t be there anymore.
This makes me think of one of my clients, Melissa, who came to me for help with bringing her husband back to her after he experienced his midlife crisis. He had been slated to begin an important job at a Norwegian company, but the position fell through and it marked the beginning of his midlife crisis.
He found himself jobless at a time during which he felt like he should be making quite a good living. He had been used to having high power jobs in companies and he suddenly found himself struggling financially, and he started to spiral.
Melissa came to find out that he had begun an affair with another woman and she was devastated. The worst part was that her husband didn’t seem to grasp the gravity of the situation and was continuing to see the other woman. At first, Melissa was just going to leave him, but then she started to understand what was happening.
This 45 year old man was trying to find ways to reassure himself that he was still desirable, he was having an identity crisis, and he was completely lost.
Instead of leaving him, she decided to put some space between her and her husband, and work on rebuilding herself so that she could work on rebuilding the relationship with him. It’s going to take some time and effort, but he has stopped seeing the other woman and is now ready and willing to do what it takes to repair the damage and work as a team.
So let’s take a look at what happens when someone is experiencing a midlife crisis, and what it feels like for them.
As I began saying above, there are a couple different things going on here. The mid life crisis definition varies a bit between men and women and it doesn’t only pertain to middle aged people. You can experience a crisis right around 30 as well, and it’s actually called your “Saturn’s Return.”
To briefly summarize, right around when a person turns thirty, they can experience a surge of emotional unrest that can last for up to a couple years. There are feelings of being completely lost, dissatisfied with your life, scared about what the future holds, and you start to undergo changes in your personality.
The term “Saturn’s Return” is an astrological concept that refers to the plant Saturn coming back to meet your natal Saturn, and it takes about thirty years for this to happen. Many people believe that this is why a person will experience a crisis around the age of thirty, and then again around age sixty (and then it’s called the Midlife Crisis).
Whatever the age, a person who is experiencing a crisis will think, “I’m going through changes.” They’ll experience a fear of not having goals, or that their existing goals will never be met. They can start to feel extremely stressed by the responsibilities they have like work or their children, but they can also feel overwhelmed by the lack of responsibilities.
Their sense of confidence and self worth can start to be undermined and they will experience an identity crisis.
Another crisis definition is when a person begins to panic at the thought of getting old. They fear that they’re missing out on dreams, they fear death and illness, and they start fixating on making sure that they “still got it.” This is a bit of what we saw with Melissa’s case with her husband.
The mid life crisis in men and women can last anywhere from three to ten years and it can be quite the emotional roller coaster.
So now that I’ve gone over what a midlife crisis looks like in men, let’s dive a little deeper and look at how to define crises for men vs women… and how to deal with it!
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For some reason, there is a common misconception that men are the only ones that experience the mid-life crisis. We imagine the middle aged man with his brand new red Ferrari with his hot new (very young) girlfriend. But what about women? Unfortunately, women aren’t safe from existential crises either.
Generally speaking, when a woman is going through a midlife crisis, she will start to become obsessed with her health and will suddenly want to reshape her body image. So you’ll see people suddenly getting really serious about hitting the gym and eating healthy.
They want to feel young again and make everything start to feel really fresh again. It often happens when they children have grown up and have gone off to college or have moved out. There is a new sense of freedom or there is a lifestyle change that often provides more money, comfort and opportunities. It’s kind of like a breath of fresh air that triggers a sizable reaction, and it can often become more intense. The changes that start happening can begin to turn into midlife crisis symptoms.
Another trigger can actually be menopause in middle aged women or women that are slightly older, and they can start to experience a decline in reproductive hormones. This is most commonly seen in women in their 40s and 50s.
On a more emotional level, a woman who is experiencing this crisis can start to face existential issues about not having reached their full potential, and they can begin to experience self doubt and insecurities. There will be biological and physiological changes, and these can last anywhere from two to five years.
So what do you do if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s experiencing their midlife crisis?
As difficult as it might be for you, the best thing you can do for your partner is to practice acceptance and be patient. Giving him or her time and some space can work wonders. The pushier and needier you are, the more inclined your partner will be to want to put more space in between you.
The key is to find happiness in acceptance; not to fixate on everything that is making you unhappy in the current situation.
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One of the biggest favors you can do for yourself is to accept your partner or spouse for who they are, and not be constantly disappointed because they are not who you want them to be. The more pressure he or she feels coming from you, the more they’ll want to push you away. So if you’ve been wondering, “What is a midlife crisis,” just remember that it’s a very difficult period for the person going through it and they’ll require patience and tenderness. Whether you’re the one experiencing midlife crisis symptoms or your significant other, the situation needs to be handled in a way that improves things.
So what can you start doing?
The easiest thing is to start making changes to help break the routine. Making a relationship feel fresh again will help the person struggling with the midlife crisis by breathing a breath of fresh air into their life, and it will also help to boost the romance between you and make things feel more exciting.
It is also very important to work on making yourself happy and making sure that you aren’t letting your happiness depend on your partner’s behavior. If you allow your happiness to be dictated by someone who is struggling with a crisis (or anyone for that matter), you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage.
As this article comes to an end, I’d like to remind you that we are here to help. If you or your partner is struggling with a midlife crisis, you can reach out to us for one on one help. By asking you targeted questions, we can define the ideal plan of action to help you navigate through this challenging period.
So to summarize, a midlife crisis is something that can last for years, and it is rooted in anxiety over the direction and quality of your life. A lot of people associate the midlife crisis with middle aged men or middle aged women, but there is no specific midlife crisis age. It can hit around age 30, just like a 47 year old woman can experience it, or a 67 year old man. It is the fear of not reaching goals or not having realistic goals, there is an identity crisis at play, and a fear of getting old.
For women, the crisis often involves a new obsession with health and youth, and for men, it is often rooted in panic about financial success and personal freedom.
So when this happens, you have to focus on being kind and gentle with the person going through this, while working hard to make sure that your happiness does not depend on them. Once the midlife crisis passes, the person starts to become less extreme, they take accountability, and they start finding a sustained peace of mind. They’re able to start living in the moment and they don’t feel like they need more.
So if you’ve found yourself in a position where you’re wondering about the existential crisis definition and how you’re supposed to handle it, just remember that it’s temporary. It is a challenging period for sure, but it’s not going to last forever.
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Wishing you all the best in life and love,
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