When you get married to someone, you envision a happy life together, making your dreams come true together, building a family and growing old by one another’s sides. As time goes on, we slowly begin to discover things about our partners that rub us the wrong way and get on our nerves. It is a perfectly natural thing because no person on the face of this planet is perfect!
Sometimes, the things that irritate you about your partner begin to multiply and you start to see a snowball effect. You wind up feeling so frustrated by this person on a regular basis that you catch yourself thinking, “That’s it, I want a divorce!”
Getting divorced from your husband or wife is a big decision and should not be taken lightly, but you already know that because you have made a conscious effort to go out of your way and seek information on the subject. The more research you do, and the more time you spend honestly assessing the situation, the easier it will be to make the right choice.
At the moment, it might seem like you are swimming in a sea of unanswered questions and anxiety, but oftentimes when we feel paralyzed by a decision to make, it is simply because we don’t have enough information yet. This is why big decisions require time.
When you take your time and make sure that your eyes are open, you are giving yourself the opportunity to really take in all the details that will help you make the right choice. This enables you to reflect on the dynamic between you and your husband or wife, and it allows you to analyze what you really want. In doing so, you protect yourself from making any hasty decisions that you could end up regretting later on down the line.
One of my specialties is getting people back together after a breakup or divorce, and I can tell you that many times, a separation or divorce is not the answer. It is shocking to think about how many marriages end in divorce. So many people think that they will be happier after a divorce, but they end up bitterly regretting their decision when they realize that they made the wrong choice. Once the dust settles and the novelty of being single has passed, many people regret losing what they had built with their partner.
It is important to remember that it is easier to repair a relationship while you are still together than to put the pieces back together after you have divorced.
Taking your time can help you avoid getting a divorce
Hasty decisions are the ones that are often regretted the most, and it is my goal to provide you with a comprehensive set of indicators that it is time to end this marriage. If you are seeing signs your marriage is over, you must do everything in your power to be honest with yourself and make sure that you are not turning a blind eye to these signs.
I bring this up because more often than not when a person is looking for signs that it is time for a divorce, they’re still hesitant about choosing that path. When people truly want a divorce, they’re usually already mentally checked out of the relationship. So if you are still hoping that your marriage has a fighting chance, keep in mind that you can do more for your marriage by becoming interested in trying to relate to and understand your partner’s issues and pain, than by trying to make them understand your own pain and frustrations.
Remember that love is always a choice, and marriage is something that transcends that love. It is a commitment to building a life with someone else even after the initial feelings of love, attraction and desires have dissipated.
I bring this up because people often mistake the end of the honeymoon period as the end of the relationship. The thing about relationships is that they evolve, and there usually needs to be some kind of a catalyst before a relationship can get to the next stage. So sometimes something that feels like a broken marriage, could actually be a set of challenges the couple needs to overcome in order to reach a deeper bond.
The honeymoon stage does not last. It will be present for a set period of time until the relationship will start to deepen. As the connection between two people deepens, they will be faced with more challenges that need to be overcome. So if you are thinking, “Should I get a divorce,” it is important to think about what you and your partner have already done to improve the situation between you.
It is too easy to throw a relationship away, especially in today’s society where we are not taught the value of repairing something important to us instead of replacing it with a new one.
When to divorce: The importance of focusing on your actions instead of your spouse’s actions
The only things we can control are our own actions and reactions.
A lot of people start to think about divorce when they realize that their partner isn’t who they thought they were. One of the things that people often don’t realize is that what we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage, and they wind up feeling sorely disappointed. It is not uncommon for a person to realize that the person they married is the complete opposite of who they thought they were going to be with. It is also not uncommon for a person to realize that they married someone who is quite different than who they initially thought they were.
Again, no one is perfect and when you choose to enter into a marriage with a person, part of your commitment is to accept them for who they are. This is a crucial element if you want this marriage to last. In today’s culture, we are constantly being told to overcome our limitations and meet challenges. In the context of marriage, it is sometimes more productive to find ways to live with your partner’s shortcomings and limitations rather than to try to change them.
If the two people in the marriage are constantly unhappy with each other and try to change each other all the time, the divide between them will grow and they will drift further apart, but closer to divorce. One of the biggest things that people struggle with is accepting the fact that it is virtually impossible to change someone. We can make improvements and tweak our reactions to certain things, but we cannot become a different person.
In addition to this, in all the years I’ve been working as a love and relationship coach, one of the most common themes that I see is that many people give their partners complete control over their well-being. This means that they give their husband or wife the power to control their smile, their self-worth, their attitude and their day. In order for any relationship to thrive, no one should be given that much power over your life! It creates an unfair balance of power, a large amount of pressure and responsibility on your partner’s shoulders (that should not be there to begin with), it gives rise to resentment between you, and it makes tensions even more intense.
So if you’re really thinking about when to get a divorce because your instincts are telling you that it might be time to let go, let’s take a look at some of the biggest signs that you should get a divorce.