I have worked with so many people that have come to me for help regarding fixing or getting out of a toxic relationship, and one of the most frequent things I hear is, “I can’t believe I stayed in this relationship for so long.” But it’s so common. A relationship usually doesn’t start out as being toxic, and that’s why it becomes so hard to let go of it. You’ve invested so much time, energy and love into this that of course it’s going to be challenging to let it all go, even if you recognize that it’s not healthy for you anymore.
But you’ve already gotten to the place where you’ve recognized that your life would be better if you bowed out of this relationship, so hat’s off to you.
Some people don’t ever reach this point and end up devoting themselves to a relationship and a partner that drain the life right out of them.
In today’s article, I am going to go over why toxic relationships are often so hard to leave, why they become patterns for some people, and more importantly, how to get out of a toxic relationship with strength and dignity.
This process is going to take some patience and organization, but you are about to embark on a beautiful new chapter of your life that is going to open many doors for you, so let’s get started!
Toxic relationship: Are you in one?
The first thing of course is to define whether or not you are in a toxic relationship or one that’s experiencing a bump in the road. Toxicity is something that is very serious, so let’s take a look at some of the biggest indicators of it. It’s never a fun topic, but being able to recognize and analyse the situation is the first step towards pinpointing the appropriate approach.
When you love someone, it’s normal that you might turn a blind eye to elements of the relationship that aren’t ideal, but when the relationship is toxic, it’s crucial that you keep your eyes open and set boundaries in your life.
To start things off, let’s take a look at what it looks like when you are in a toxic relationship.
Toxicity definition: Physically or mentally abusive
When there is physical abuse involved in a relationship, it goes without saying that it is toxic, but a lot of people don’t think about the mental elements at play.
The thing to keep in mind is that it only takes one partner to make a relationship toxic, so if you’re feeling that you’re afraid to speak out or be yourself, the relationship could in fact be toxic.
When all the compromise comes from you, and you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, it means that something isn’t right in the relationship. If this relationship is impacting your self esteem and your self love and if your partner is constantly making you feel worse about yourself, your relationship is not a healthy one. If you’re not feeling confident about speaking up or standing your ground, there needs to be a shift in the relationship’s dynamic, that’s for sure. Many of these things can be changed and improved though.
If your relationship is actually toxic, that’s a different story.
Real toxic signs
When we start to look at unhealthy relationships that are genuinely toxic, it is best to think about how to leave them and set a plan of action into motion. So what do those relationships look like?
Well, some of the biggest signs of a toxic relationship is when your partner will stop at nothing to control you, what you’re doing, who you’re spending your time with and how you’re living each moment of your life. Partners should be building each other up instead of suffocating one another. If on top of that, he or she is holding the threat of breaking up with you over your heard, you’re dealing with toxicity.
Another thing to keep in mind is whether or not your partner is ignoring your cries for help. Let’s say that you’ve voiced the fact that they’re doing things that make you feel insecure in the relationship, insecure in yourself, and/or that you are generally suffering as a direct result of their actions but they refuse to stop, it’s toxic.
This is also the case if he or she tries to gaslight you or threatens your privacy on a regular basis. In many of the toxic relationships that I’ve seen, one (or both) partner does not respect the other person’s boundaries and continually makes them feel smaller. Sometimes this happens because one is blaming the other for unresolved emotional trauma from the past – whether it’s because of something that happened in your relationship or in a previous one.
If there is a lack of moral principles in one or both of you, or if you’re just constantly blaming each other for everything without finding any resolutions, things are toxic and it’s time to look at how to get out of a toxic relationship. It’s no walk in the park because I know that there is probably still love there as well, so it is possible to do this gracefully.
If you’re still unsure of whether or not you’re in a toxic couple, I encourage you to read this article. Additionally, everything I just went over applies to BOTH of you. If either of you is exhibiting the behavior I’ve gone over above, the relationship has become toxic.
What is a toxic relationship and how can you guard against it?
How to get out of a toxic relationship with grace
I was recently working with a client who was in a similar situation. At first, Irene, a successful British business owner with three children, reached out to me to help her to save her marriage. She really had the best intentions and wanted to do everything in power to save her marriage from ending in divorce, for her children’s sake and for her relationship’s sake.
As she began telling me about her relationship with her husband, I quickly came to the realization that Irene had been in an emotional abusive relationship for the last twenty years. Her husband was manipulative and narcissist.
We worked together and I provided her with clarity and guidance through this challenging situation. When a relationship is toxic, separation or divorce is usually the best way to regain a sense of inner peace and joy. Irene needed to begin a new chapter, and honest and unbiased advice that would allow her to alleviate the sense of guilt that she was feeling. So when she finally asked me about how to let go of someone you love and leave a toxic relationship and we successfully did it, she was truly grateful that the weight of the world had been finally lifted off of her shoulders.
So when it comes to how to end a toxic relationship, there are a couple of different approaches.
How to get out of a toxic relationship for good: The letter method
One of the best ways to get out of a toxic relationship is to sit down and write a letter to your partner. It’s often very hard to express yourself face to face, especially when you’re already feeling like you’re walking on eggshells in this relationship.
So I encourage you to write a letter to your partner in which you explain your reasoning for making the decision to leave this relationship. If he or she truly cares about you, they will let you go and no longer hold you down. If they don’t respect your wishes after you break up and don’t give you your space and privacy, then the best thing to do is to ignore them and protect your dignity.
Talk to them when you’re getting out of a toxic relationship
If you prefer a face to face approach, then you’re going to have to have a serious conversation with your significant other. I encourage you to prepare your speech in the mirror prior to doing it face to face. Practice what you want to say and coach yourself.
Bear in mind that this speech should not be longer than 30 minutes. Make sure that you aren’t theatrical or dramatic, and remember that the longer time you spend doing this, the easier it becomes to reconsider your decision and change your mind about leaving this person and this situation.
It’s hard to leave any relationship, so don’t give yourself the chance to give in and cave.
How to get out of a toxic relationship with someone you love: The support system
When you’re leaving a toxic relationship, make sure that you have a support system behind you. Let your friends and family know what you’re going through and that you’re planning on leaving, and then let them be there for you when you end the relationship.
When you’ve done it, it’s very important to start working on your own personal wellbeing, seeking emotional support from loved ones or a professional and really making an effort to take care of yourself. It’s a shock, and it involves a fair amount of aftermath as well.
So make sure that you set yourself up for success. We are here to help you, so please don’t hesitate to reach out for one on one guidance. Join the Happily Committed Project and transform your life and future in a meaningful and dignified way.
Moving on from someone you loved
It is entirely possible to bounce back after a toxic situation. It’s all about analyzing the situation and determining whether or not you are in a truly toxic relationship and then planning out your exit strategy. It doesn’t have to be scary or stressful; it’s all about knowing your worth, laying out a supportive foundation for yourself, and standing your ground.
For more guidance, you can reach out to me or a member of my team by clicking here. We can help you through this difficult period and lay the groundwork for a beautiful future.
So just remember, you can get out of a toxic relationship by writing a letter or by talking to your partner face to face, and you just need to make sure that you’re making a conscious effort to take care of yourself.
You’re not in this alone, and I sincerely wish you success in life and love.
Your coach when you want to know how to get out of a toxic relationship