We work with so many people who are coming out of relationships every single day. We help them to heal, grow, and bounce back, and it requires a huge effort on their end.
So when someone comes to me asking for help regarding a lack of communication in their current relationship, I always get this sense of feeling so proud of them for taking action to rectify the situation before it’s too late.
It’s so easy to turn a blind eye and ignore the problem, but proper communication between two people in a romantic relationship is something that is going to serve them for the rest of their lives.
But that’s not all! Making sure that you and your partner are able to communicate effectively is the building block that will protect your relationship against the challenges that will come up down the line. It’s not always going to be smooth sailing and there will be bumps in the road.
Every single one of us has their own opinions, their own reactions, and their own way of perceiving life, so it’s going to be very important to make sure that you and your significant other are able to get on the same page and communicate in a way that reinforces your connection.
So if you’re struggling with a lack of communication in your relationship right now, you’ve come to the right place! In today’s article I am going to go over where this issue typically stems from, and I’m going to offer you solutions that you can incorporate on a daily basis.
Why is it so common in relationships
The most common reason behind a lack of communication in relationships is a person’s upbringing. We all receive different types of educations in our families, and these communication tools aren’t always compatible with the person we choose to be with romantically.
The result of course is that it can easily end up feeling like you’re speaking two different languages and you can’t seem to get on the same page about important topics. The more this happens, the more distance develops between you, and the easier it is for tensions to arise.
Another issue that I see on a regular basis is that people inadvertently expect their significant other to read their minds.
Something might be bothering them and instead of making an effort to openly talk about it, they just feel like their partner “should know” what’s wrong and make the necessary changes, or at least initiate the conversation that needs to happen.
This reminds me of one of my coaching sessions with Sarah, who had contacted me for help regarding the communication problems she and her boyfriend, Charlie, were experiencing. Whenever he was upset about something, he would clam up and start to pout, but he would never outright say that something was wrong.
He viewed it as keeping his problems to himself so that they wouldn’t be a burden on her, but she was still comforted with the sudden shift in his attitude that made things feel very tense between them.
She told me that it felt like she was walking on eggshells and didn’t quite know how to approach the situation.
As we worked together, they essentially had to re-train themselves to foster healthy communication in a relationship so that they would learn how to create an environment in which both people felt safe to express themselves and feel heard.
It took some changes from both of them, but they were motivated and wanted to save their relationship, and after incorporating the tips and tools that I am going to go over in this article, I am happy to say that they are now happier than ever. In fact, I received this from her not too long ago:
Thanks to your help I’m a lot more conscious about relationship issues and I also know that my purpose in life is what I need to put my focus on. Not only have your coaching sessions helped me with my romantic relationship with Charlie, but they have also guided me in the direction of personal development and improving my relationships with family and friends!
The thing about communication in relationships is that these skills will serve you in all aspects of your life. So, hats off to you for seeking out an article that is going to help you make a positive shift in your romantic relationships, but also in your relationships with your family and the people you encounter on a day to day basis.
When you are proactive and work on protecting and reinforcing a relationship, it is something really special and it is so important.
Think about it this way – It’s like going to see your physician for your yearly checkup. Advice on love and relationships is not something to only seek out when you’re in trouble or you need to put the pieces back together. It is always beneficial to seek out information on how to reinforce your relationship and keep it strong by learning how to fix a lack of communication.
So now that we’ve gone over the causes of lack of communication in a relationship, let’s take a look at how to fix it.
How to fix a lack of communication in a relationship starting today
There are a couple of tools to keep in mind when it comes to establishing proper communication between you and the person you love, and a lot of it has to do with empathy.
When two people are having an argument about something, it’s not uncommon for them to get so caught up in their own point, that they leave no room for understanding what the other person is trying to say. Instead of pausing to hear the other person out, they’re listening for something to use as a launch pad to help them make their point.
It’s a very human response but it’s also very destructive. There are more productive ways to get your point across while still being open to what the other person is telling you, and this is especially important because a lack of communication can undermine your relationship very fast…
Fixing a lack of communication by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes
Here is where empathy comes into play. The more you are able to put yourself in your significant other’s shoes, the easier it will be to talk about any issues at hand in a productive way.
It’s going to be important to be able to develop a sense of awareness to help your partner with things that aren’t going well for them. This could be anything regarding their work, your kids, intimacy, their social circle, etc. If you are unaware and unable to read their moods and reactions, and if you aren’t reminding yourself on a daily basis to check in with them and communicate about these things, things will be at risk for falling apart.
The more you establish a foundation for your relationship in which you both feel emotionally supported by one another, the easier it will be to fix bad communication. It’s not something that gets fixed overnight, but if you’re able to create new patterns and establish a better dynamic, you will see an improvement in communication.
So the first tip I want to go over with you is practicing putting yourself in your partner’s shoes – especially if this is something that does not come naturally for you. If there is something you need to express to them, think about how it would feel to be on the receiving end of it and adapt your approach accordingly.
The truth is that your partner isn’t going to fully listen to you until they start to feel that you actually understand them and where they’re coming from. Developing a solid sense of empathy in your relationship will do wonders in terms of fixing your relationship problems.
No communication in a relationship: Rebuilding the friendship
When the communication has gotten so bad that you basically aren’t even talking to each other anymore, it is time to switch your focus on rebuilding the foundation of your relationship. The basis of healthy, long lasting relationships can be found in friendship, so now is the time to start to recreate that bond.
The easiest way to do this is to open up and share parts of your life with your partner on a daily basis. Tell him or her about funny things that happened to you or that made you think of them, make time to share special moments together, and prioritize honesty.
Validate your partner by acknowledging a specific emotion that they’re feeling and make sure that you offer them justification for what they’re feeling. Communication in a relationship can really thrive when you’re able to create an atmosphere in which two people feel secure and comfortable enough to share what’s on their mind.
If the bond of friendship is not present, or if your partner feels like they need to be walking on eggshells around you (or vice versa), it’s going to be very challenging to fix the lack of communication in your relationship.
How to fix lack of communication in a relationship: Body language
Many people underestimate the power and importance of body language. The way that you’re interacting with your partner, nonverbally speaking, can actually communicate a much stronger message than the things you are saying.
For example, if you’re talking to your partner about how you want to want to be closer and share more, yet you’ve got your arms crossed, you’re staring at the floor, and you’re avoiding physical contact, it’s going to send a clear message. You’re going to seem closed off and colder than you might intend to be, and this will make it harder for your partner to feel comfortable enough to engage in better communication with you.
So be mindful of your tone of voice and your body language when you’re talking to your significant other. It’s also important to keep an eye on the words you use when you’re expressing the way you feel about something.
There is a big difference between pointing the finger and saying, “You never spend time with me anymore, you never make time for us, and you always prioritize your work or your friends,” and saying, “Hey listen, I really miss spending time together. Remember how much fun we had that time we took the weekend and drove up the coast? Let’s do that again.”
Another simple tool is to limit the amount of times you say “You do this,” or “You don’t do that” and replace it with, “I feel that…” or “I would love it if we…” If a person feel that the word “You” is being used like a bullet, they’ll be much more inclined to put up their defenses.
Bad communication can be fixed by not taking your partner for granted
This goes hand in hand with what I was saying above about creating an environment in which it feels natural to be open and honest with one another. Your partner needs to feel important and prioritized in your life, so make sure that they don’t feel like they’re not important to you.
Take the time to give them genuine compliments, go out of your way to do little things for them, and make sure that they feel appreciated. It’s truly the best gift that you can give to them. Make sure that they understand that you really love them, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Don’t keep tabs on wrongdoings, let the past be. A large part of bad communication stems from people holding grudges, so I encourage you to make a pact to really let go of negative things that happened in the past so that you can create a happier future together.
Fixing communication in a relationship once and for all
At the end of the day, it all boils down to create an environment in your relationship in which both of you feel safe and encouraged to talk. It is important to rethink your idea of your relationship and be careful to not view it as a problem to be solved. Your partner is not someone who is standing in your way. You two are a team that have everything you need at your fingertips to create a deeply fulfilling relationship that makes both of you feel heard and loved.
To summarize what we went over in this article, make time to rebuild the friendship between you so that your relationship can rest on a solid foundation. be careful to avoid taking your partner for granted, give them sincere compliments on a regular basis, show them that you want to hear what they have to say, and be mindful of the way that you interact. Be careful with the words you use and your body language. If this situation and the relationship are making you feel insecure, I encourage you to download our brand new product on battling insecurity. To access it, all you have to do is click here.
Make time for each other so that you can make new memories. Whether your partner is a poor communicator or you feel like you’ve always struggled with poor communication skills, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for one on one guidance. Each situation is entirely unique, but we can help guide you from A to Z. Join the Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship in a meaningful way.
I sincerely wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re dealing with a lack of communication in a relationship