All of the advice you’re going to find in this article is based on one, very simple principle. If this is not understood and implemented into the way that you approach the situation, it’s going to be much harder to get the results you want. You have probably heard this concept before but I want to hammer in the importance of it. Men are attracted to a challenge. All human beings become disinterested in things that are readily available to them. If you feel like something is being handed to you on a silver platter, it becomes dangerously easy to take it for granted. But if you have had to work hard for something and the process has been very exciting, you’re going to treasure it way more. You’re going to fight to keep it, right?
This is what we need to keep in mind when it comes to men and commitment. If you want to get him to commit, you are going to have to make sure that he sees you as an exciting challenge; not like something that is easy to take for granted. This is something that I see the majority of my clients struggle with, and with good reason! Our society teaches us that if you want to receive more love, then you have to give more love. Sadly, this is the type of thing that will make a man take you for granted and not commit.
So first things first. If you know that you’ve been handing everything to this man on a silver platter and he hasn’t been committing, then we need to make some changes. Even if you’re thinking, “I love this man and I know he loves me,” if he isn’t committing to a relationship with you it means that he’s been able to take you for granted and assume that he doesn’t need to do much and you’ll still be around.
This reminds me of a client that I was working with not too long ago. Aisling came to me because she had been dating a guy for a few months and she wanted to know how to get him to commit to a relationship. Things had been going well but whenever she would bring up making things official, he would shrug it off. He wasn’t cruel about it, but he would never give her a concrete answer. It made her feel frustrated and she didn’t know how to handle the situation. I remember her saying, “I don’t really understand, because I’ve been doing all the things that I would love for someone to do for me. All I do is show him love so I don’t get why he doesn’t want to take the next step. He obviously likes me, but how do you get him to commit to an exclusive relationship?”
The thing is, boundaries need to be set because a man is far less likely to commit to a relationship if he feels like he can have all the elements of a relationship without needing to label it. So if you’re at this man’s beck and call, if you’re giving him everything he wants whenever he wants it (and I’m talking about your time, your attention, sex, etc.) then why would he feel like he needs to work harder to attract you and commit to you? He’s already getting everything he wants. This means that we need to change your mindset. When people come to me asking for help with this situation, I tell them that the way you approach this situation in your mind will dictate a great deal. Let me explain.
As of now, you’re wondering “How can I get him to commit,” or “What would be the best way to get a man to commit to me…” But by asking yourself what you need to do, you’re putting him on a pedestal. The truth is that there is only room for one person on the pedestal and it should be you. If you’re wracking your brain on what you need to do to make him want you more, you’re doing yourself a disservice and you’re putting yourself in the weaker position. To make a man commit, he needs to see you as a prize, as an exciting challenge. And this is where my first piece of advice comes into play. From this moment on, we need to train your mind to think about the situation in a new way. The next time you think, “How do I make him commit and how can I make him want me more,” replace the thought with: “This guy needs to fight for me“.
The more you do this, the more natural it will begin to feel, and you will notice that you will shift your approach. You will naturally put some space between you and shift your focus to making your life better than ever, and the combination of these things will catch his attention. He’ll know when he’s been taken off that pedestal and then guess what happens. You become the exciting challenge! When a man knows that he is no longer the center of your universe and you’re actively working on becoming the new and improved version of yourself, he’s going to want to fight for you and show you that he’s willing to commit. I’ll expand on this in a moment, but if there is one thing that you take from this article, let it be this. YOU must be the prize; not him.
This will benefit you in your love life, and it will spark this man’s attention and make him change his approach to you.