Here at Happily Committed, we are often asked about the surprising secrets of happy couples and there are quite a few different responses to this question. It’s going to depend on who you ask, but there are certainly key elements present in every happy and healthy relationship.
Our mission is to provide you with all the tools you need to help you to create a truly happy relationship, whether it’s through our videos on our YouTube Channel, these articles, our products or our one on one coaching sessions, our goal is to help you grant yourself access to long-lasting happiness as an individual and as a couple.
There are various skills that we want to help you develop, and that is what today’s article is going to be about!
This might come as no surprise to you but what might surprise you is the number of people that overlook the importance of unconditional love. It’s basically just a romantic way of saying “accept your partner.”
The truth is that the first skill that is required for a truly happy relationship is learning how to love your partner unconditionally, even when they sometimes do things that hurt you unintentionally.
Every single one of us is capable of loving unconditionally, and it’s a mindset that you can develop. It’s one of the not so surprising secrets of a happy couple, and you have to be constantly seeking to accept and love your partner for who they are.
One thing to keep in mind, however, is the fact that you have to be careful to not lose track of yourself in this process. I often see people showering their partners in so much love that they actually end up losing track of their own sense of wellbeing.
They stop making time for themselves, their projects, their goals, their friends and their family. So I want to stress the importance of balance when it comes to having a happy couple.
In addition to this, it’s important to identify whether or not your partner is giving you the same amount of love and devotion. Unfortunately, I often see cases in which a person is in a one-sided relationship, or worse still, a toxic relationship.
If you’re worried that this might be the case for you, I encourage you to read this article on how to identify a toxic relationship.
Another thing to keep in mind when you want to know the secret to a happy relationship is how important it is to learn to not take things personally. Every relationship will have highs and lows and if you take every little thing personally, the relationship is going to turn into a power struggle.
There will definitely be moments when you disagree, feel frustrated, and feel hurt.
So instead of turning it into a fight, I encourage you to take a moment to cool off and then try to talk about the issue at hand in a more productive way. In fact, we’ve written an entire article on communication techniques to help couples avoid conflict, and you can read it by clicking here.
Surprising secrets of happy couples: The little things
When two people have been together for a long time, it’s not uncommon for them to stop making an effort in the relationship. Without realizing it, they take each other for granted and stop going out of their way to do things that make their partner feel special.
The “little things” shouldn’t be neglected. I am not saying that you need to constantly be making grandiose gestures to your partner where you profess your undying love – I’m saying that you have to think about little things that would communicate to him or her that you care.
It can be little acts of kindness like doing some of the things on their To Do list, it could be a little thing that makes them smile (like leaving a sweet note in the pocket of their favorite jeans or on a post-it stuck to the bathroom mirror), it can be getting tickets to a basketball game when their favorite team is playing…
You know your partner better than anyone so you know what kind of things would make them feel good. Challenge yourself to do more of these things on a regular basis and you’ll see that your relationship will thrive.
On top of that, don’t underestimate the power of playfulness! Things can start to feel monotonous and predictable when two people have been together for a long time. Keep things feeling fresh by always coming up with new activities to share with each other.
Step outside of your comfort zones and give yourselves things to look forward to! Go on weekend trips together, try taking a salsa class, try NEW things! If you’re looking for some ideas on how to keep things romantic, I recommend reading this!
Surprising secrets of highly happy marriages and relationships: Having a personal life
This is a huge one.
So many people make the mistake of assuming that once you’re in a relationship, that the two partners just become “one.” Truth be told, this is a myth and it’s a fast track to codependency so I want to warn you against this.
One of the biggest secrets to a highly successful relationship is maintaining both of your personal lives. I briefly touched on this at the beginning of this article, but I can’t stress the importance of this enough.
Make sure that you continue to invest in yourself, have personal projects or hobbies, always make sure that there is time in your schedule dedicated to people and activities in YOUR life that make you happy.
Don’t put your passions, hobbies and loved ones on the back burner just because you’re in a serious relationship.
It’s refreshing and sexy to cultivate a fulfilling personal life, and your partner will find you that much more attractive as a result. Encourage them to do the same and support your partner in their passions and projects.
Last but not least, learn to be vulnerable with one another. Learn to express your feelings and desires to each other without the fear of being judged. It is up to both of you to create an environment in which you can both feel confident to share what you want to say, and know that you’ll be heard.
If you can’t be vulnerable with each other then you’re going to be pretending, and this will create an environment in which you can’t be your authentic selves. As you can imagine, this will damage your relationship.
The surprising secrets to happy couples aren’t so surprising after all
It all boils down to unconditional love, making an effort to make your partner feel loved and appreciated, not taking things personally, learning how to be vulnerable and working as a team. I know that sometimes these things are easier said than done, but I want you to know that we are here to help you every step of the way.
If you’d like to work with me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here. Join the Happily Committed Project and set your relationship up for longterm success. We are here to help you every step of the way so please don’t hesitate to reach out. I also encourage you to check out our YouTube Channel so that you can see all the content we’ve been posting about how to make your relationship reach its full potential and be better than ever. To take it a step further, I recommend checking out our product on attraction that can help you give your relationship a powerful boost!
I wish you all the very best,
Your coach when you want to know the surprising secret of happy couples