One of the things we struggle the most with as a society is preserving happiness in our romantic relationships. Because we live in a consumerist society, we’ve developed a terrible habit of throwing things away instead of fixing them, and we often forget that we need to maintain and build happy relationships.
It is so easy to get lazy or to take things for granted, and we end up growing distant from the person we love. As a love and relationship coach, this is something that I witness every single day and it is my goal to help people learn how to have longterm happy relationships.
I see so many people that live with regret because they let a person go when the issues they had faced would have been completely avoidable. I wanted to write this article for you today so that I could provide you with some of the biggest tips on how to create and preserve a happy and healthy relationship with your significant other, and what elements you can introduce when your relationship is in need of some repairs.
By the end of this article, you are going to have a better understanding of what needs to change, what you can start doing today, and how to get on the road to true, long-lasting happiness with the person you love.
In addition to these tools, I will share some testimonials with you. I want to reassure you that no matter how complicated things might be feeling at this moment, if you’re willing to take action you can save your relationship! It’s all about making the effort. It is so easy to just sit back and throw in the towel, while everything crumbles around you. But that’s not what you’re doing!
You’ve already gone out of your way to find an article on how to create and preserve a happy relationship, so you’re already on the right track!
To put it as simply as possible, a healthy relationship is one in which both partners are genuinely happy. This is why it is so important to ensure that both of you feel fulfilled, happy, loved, and inspired by one another. I will expand on this a little further down, but many people ask me what I mean when I use the word “inspired.”
Well, in order for a relationship to feel deeply satisfying and complete, each person needs to feel like they’re with someone who inspires them to be the best version of themselves, someone who makes things interesting and fun, and someone who motivates them to live life to the fullest.
When you’re with someone that makes you feel bored and/or dissatisfied, it can give rise to problems that can shake the very foundation of your relationship. If that inspiration is not (or is no longer) present, it can make a person feel unmotivated to make an effort to preserve the relationship.
As a result, you might find that there is less communication because one or both people don’t see the point, you might stop going out and experiencing new things, and you might feel a void begin to form between you.
Now, I am not telling you all of this because I want to scare you! I just want you to become aware of the importance of having a happy relationship. This is also to bring your attention to the importance of making sure that both of you are happy in this relationship.
A common issue is that one person is completely comfortable in the relationship while the other person feels entirely dissatisfied. As you can imagine, this will create a disconnect between the two partners that can cause complications in the relationship. Fortunately you’ve found this article so you’re going to learn how to bring happiness into your lives for good!
When it comes to the things to make you happy in this relationship, you’ve got to keep in mind that they need to become patterns. It’s not enough to just do one nice thing for your partner and then expect things to just be peachy for the rest of your lives. Like anything of value, this relationship requires maintenance, but just remember – this is a labor a love.
If you want to know how to keep your girl happy or how to keep your guy feeling great in the relationship, you have got to establish positive, long term patterns that make it easy for him or her to imagine being happy with you in the long run.
Oftentimes when relationships are falling apart, it’s simply because one or both people involved cannot imagine being happy with the other longterm.
So, with that in mind, let’s look at exactly how to be happy in a relationship!
When you’re in a serious relationship with someone, you have front row seats to what they like and dislike. If you’re thinking about how to be in a happy relationship, this is one of the biggest things to keep in mind.
If you pay attention to what brings joy to your partner’s life, then you will know exactly what type of things you can do on a regular basis in order to make them happy. I don’t want you to think that I’m talking about grandiose gestures like buying them their dream car… I want you to think about the little things that can make a difference in his or her day to day life.
Similarly, if you can become aware of your significant other’s pet peeves, it will be much easier for you to avoid doing them. It can be as simple as avoiding leaving dirty dishes in the sink if you know that it gets on your partner’s nerves. It might seem insignificant but these things do add up and can create a much more positive atmosphere. Little by little your partner will realize that you’re being thoughtful and considerate, and that you’re prioritizing his or her feelings. And who wouldn’t want that!
As human beings we have an uncanny ability to fixate on the negatives. The same can be said when it comes to our memories – doesn’t it feel like negative memories stand out much more in our minds?
Well, when we’re dealing with romantic relationships things aren’t going to be perfect, but it is in your power to choose to focus more on the positives instead of the negatives. Sure, it’s easy to list off things that bug you about your partner because none of us are perfect, but what would happen if you were to focus on what you love about them and give them validation?
When it comes to being happy in relationships, it is very important to focus on your partner’s attributes and avoid fixating on their shortcomings. By the way, there is a lot to be said for living by example and if you’re exhibiting behavior that builds your partner up, they will most likely begin to do the same for you. Always prioritize kindness and positivity; even if tensions have been running high lately.
When things feel like they’ve gone a little south and you and your significant other are not happy in a relationship, it’s always helpful to give him or her sincere compliments. It doesn’t cost you anything and it can strengthen the bond between you.
When someone feels genuinely appreciated, there is a huge shift. They feel loved and they are more inclined to want to give back, so both of you can begin to build each other up and strengthen the love between you.
Think about small acts of love and shower your significant other in them every day. Yes! Every day. Not just time to time, once a month, or once a week… As I said above, the gestures don’t need to be huge – it can be as simple as making him or her a cup of coffee prepared the way they like it in the morning. You can get creative and leave sweet little notes for them to find when they least expect it. Speaking of coffee, one of my favorite hiding places for a note is in the tin where we keep the coffee beans.
Another thing that you can do to make your partner happy is to think about what actions would actually make their lives easier. For example, if you have some time and you know they need to take their car in for a smog check, you can do that for them. If you’re picking up some groceries from the store, grab a nice bouquet of flowers to bring home for your partner. Send a sweet text message about how beautiful or handsome your partner looked this morning when they left for work.
As little at these things may be, they will make your partner feel loved. The more cherished a person feels, the happier the relationship becomes.
As I’m sure you’ve heard before, one of the pillars of happy relationships is proper communication. Many people shut down when there is conflict, or they expect their partner to read their minds and know what the problem is.
The problem of course is that without proper communication, you aren’t going to be able to be on the same page and it becomes very difficult to operate as a team. There is a common thing that I’ve noticed in couples that are struggling, and it is the way they try to get their point across.
Instead of listening in an attempt to understand what the other person is trying to express, they listen so that they can come up with a good response. This puts them more in attack mode than in conflict resolution mode.
A good way to be careful with the way you communicate is to pay attention to how you use the word, “You.” Many people don’t realize that they’re coming off much more aggressively than they intended to. To illustrate my point, a common issue is the feeling of neglect. Oftentimes, I will see someone say, “You never spend time with me anymore, you always have something more important to do!”
If someone were to point the finger at you like this, your defenses would shoot right up, wouldn’t they?
But what would it feel like if instead, someone were to say, “I miss spending time with you. Do you want to go check out that new restaurant that opened up this weekend?”
It’s instantly more constructive, considerably less aggressive, and much more inviting. So when you’re communicating with your partner, be careful to avoid adopting an accusatory tone (which is something I will go over in more detail a little further down).
By the way, one of the secrets to a happy relationship is using proper communication to diffuse conflicts as soon as possible. If there is an issue, don’t waste any time in addressing it and resolving it. If you hold onto something, it can quickly turn into a grudge or resentment that undermines the bond between you.
When it comes to having a happy relationship with someone, detaching yourself from fundamental differences between you and your significant other is going to help you a great deal in the long run. For example, you might be someone who is very punctual whereas your partner might struggle with being on time to places. Instead of getting upset and turning the situation into a fight each time you go somewhere, you can adjust your approach. Plan to leave the house a bit earlier than you normally would if you need to be somewhere at a specific time and otherwise, just allow yourself to accept the way he or she is and that you might not arrive at 3pm on the dot when you go for your walk on the beach.
In order to live a happy life and a happy relationship, you and your partner must support each other. Think about how you can support your partner in their dreams and in their passions. A common mistake that I see is people becoming possessive or suffocating in relationships.
In order for the relationship to truly thrive, both of you must maintain a personal life that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. This means that you’ve got to be supportive of your partner’s passions, but also help them to live with purpose. It’s important to encourage them to consistently pursue their dreams. It is all too easy to put personal goals and dreams on the back burner when you settle into a relationship, but I want to draw your attention to the importance of actively maintaining these things in your lives.
You might see that your partner has stopped pursuing his or her dreams and that they’ve lost track of their personal life, so encourage them! Steer clear of making them feel like all of their time should be spent solely with you. Encouraging your partner to dedicate time to other activities that bring them joy will strengthen your relationship by making their life feel more complete and at the same time, you will have more things to share and talk about. If two people spend too much time together, things can begin to feel very monotonous and predictable after a while, and this will damage a relationship.
So if you want to protect your relationship and make your partner happy, support them in doing the things that make them feel joy and do the same for yourself!
That said, it is also important to work towards common goals together. I often encourage my clients to focus on philanthropic and personal goals together with their significant others. Think about what you can do short term, medium term, and long term. There are smaller things that you can do to make this world a better place and make your relationship that much happier. I say this because making people happy releases endorphins, so if you are able to make people happy with your partner, you both will become happier as well.
So think about what kind of little things you can do together on a regular basis. For example, a morning jog together on Saturday mornings followed by a quick stop at a coffee shop together. Think about some volunteer work that you two can get involved in. Think about long term goals and where you would need to be a year from now in order to make it a reality. What would you need to do now to be where you would need to be in six months? Working towards common goals solidifies your bond, and making people happy will in turn make you happy as well.
Unhappy relationship signs: What are they and how do you fix them?
As I mentioned above, we have a terrible tendency of focusing on the negatives and it becomes all too easy to become pessimistic and want to give up. Some of you have maybe seen a quote that accompanies an illustration of an elderly couple…
“How did you manage to stay together for so long?”
“It’s simple, really. We are from a time where if something is broken, we fix it; Not throw it away.”
Sure, you could just focus on the bad things and let them become so amplified that you can’t even see the positives anymore, but what good would that do? The more you focus on the positives, the more positives you will find. It becomes a pattern and the positives will begin to not only outweigh the negatives; they’ll begin to multiply because the dynamic in the relationship will be shifting.
The right mindset is key for maintaining a happy relationship. If you’re thinking, “Why am I not happy in my relationship,” I want you to think about ways to be more positive and optimistic. I know that things might feel challenging right now, and if you need a helping hand all you have to do is reach out to me. My goal is to help you from A to Z through these articles but also through one on one guidance!
So it’s not about what you have, who you are or what you’re doing. It’s about what you think about it. If you’re going to focus on the glass half empty all the time, it’s easy to paint things in a negative light. On the other hand, if you’re going to think about the glass half full, there are plenty of things that are going to make you genuinely happy in your relationship.
We are more in control of the way we think about things and approach things that we realize. I was reading a book recently. It’s called, “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay and there was a passage that comes to mind as I write about this right now.
“The Only Thing We are Ever Dealing With is a Thought, and a Thought Can Be Changed
No matter what the problem is, our experiences are just outer effects of inner thoughts. Even self-hatred is only hating a thought you have about yourself. You have a thought that says, ‘I’m a bad person.’ This thought produces a feeling, and you buy into the feeling. However, if you don’t have the thought, you won’t have the feeling. And thoughts can be changed. Change the thought, and the feeling must go.
This is only to show us where we get many of our beliefs. But let us not use this information as an excuse to stay stuck in our pain. The past has no power over us. It doesn’t matter how long we have had a negative pattern. The point of power is in the present moment. What a wonderful thing to realize! We can begin to be free in this moment!”
She goes on to explain that we are able to choose our thoughts and therefore modify our actions and reactions. Anyone can criticize, nitpick, harp, complain and condemn! It takes a person of high moral value to assert self control, practice personal development when there is room for improvement, and be understanding and forgiving. Control your passions and ego so that you can be positive, understanding and forgiving.
When a person comes to me and asks, “Why am I not happy in my relationship,” one of the first things we look at is how much negativity they allow into the relationship.
Everyone in the world is seeking happiness and there is one surefire way to find it: by learning to not let your thoughts control you. Your thoughts can give way to negative actions, and this is exactly what we want to guard against.
I always remind my clients that happiness does not depend on outward conditions; it depends on inward conditions. A simple way to illustrate this is to look at the current situation. If right now you are thinking, “We are not happy in the relationship,” instead of looking at the glass as being half empty, look at the situation as an opportunity to revamp your relationship and make it better than it has ever been before.
You might find this surprising, but there is something that I often hear from clients that I work with who experienced a crisis in the relationship or even a separation. Many of them actually tell me that they’re grateful that they went through that challenging period because it actually helped to put them on a new path with their partner and they’re happier than ever before. In addition to that, it reinforced their bond because they realized how important they are to one another and that they can overcome even the biggest challenges together.
So even though it’s easy to let your thoughts and emotions control you, always remember that you can control your thoughts and the way you see and approach a situation.
If you want to be interesting to your partner, you have to be interested in your partner! Another common issue that I see in relationships is that people begin to get too comfortable and don’t realize that they’re neglecting their partners. People want to feel that their partners are genuinely interested in their lives or else things will start to feel boring. This is why it’s so important to really maintain a personal life and do things that interest you. When you’re inspired, your partner will take notice and become interested in what you’ve been up to. Pay attention to the things that bring him or her joy and show your interest in your partner’s life as well.
Another form of taking interest in your partner is actively listening to what he or she has to say. Again, when we get too comfortable the relationship can face challenges. Perhaps you’ve found yourself responding with, “Mmhm’s” and “Yeah’s” without really listening to your partner. This can create a disconnect between you because your partner can feel like they aren’t really being heard and that you simply don’t care.
One of the sincerest forms of respect is actually listening to what your partner has to say. Keep in mind what I said earlier about choosing constructive words instead of destructive words when you and your partner are arguing. Be an active listener whether you are fighting or your partner is just telling you about his or her day. Letting them feel heard is a pillar of happy relationship science!
When people ask me how to be in a relationship and make sure that both people are healthy, I always remind them of the power of validation.
If you want to make your partner happy, you have to be a great listener, and if you want to be a great listener, become a great validator! It’s important to make your partner understand that their feelings, wants and desires are validated.
It’s not common for people to belittle things that their partner likes without realizing how damaging this can be, especially over an extended period of time. Let’s say that your partner’s guilty pleasure is playing video games and you have no problem letting them know how silly you think it is. Over time, though it might seem insignificant, it can undermine your connection because your partner doesn’t feel supported. The same goes for their dreams – if they’re working towards something, you can make them happy by genuinely supporting them and rooting for them. Be careful to never trivialize something that makes your partner tick!
Everything you need to know about how to be happy in a relationship!
In order to foster a happy relationship, one of the best things to do is to make sure you do more than just hear your partner’s words; you’ve got to connect with the emotions they’re feeling. If this is hard for you to do sometimes, focus on asking targeted questions that give you insight into what your partner feels.
If you learn how to put yourself in your significant other’s shoes and are able to understand the inner workings of their mind, your future as a couple will surely be bright! Empathy is a powerful tool that should never be underestimated. It allows you to diffuse tension when things seem to be inching towards an argument, and it allows you to connect on a much deeper level.
If you want a happy relationship and continually win your partner’s heart, just let them know all the subtle ways that you sincerely recognize how important they are to you. Remember to thank them for the work they do, the gestures they do for you, the things they take care of around the house, and all the ways in which they make you happy.
Many of us struggle with communication – especially when it comes to saying what we mean. Not everyone is gifted with words and unfortunately this can often lead to fights. Like I said above, one person can feel attacked when that might not have even been your intention, and then things escalate into a full blown fight.
One of the things that people often forget is that your tone has more of an effect than your actual words. Gary Chapman, the author of the Five Love Languages wrote, “Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use.”
Think about it this way: Saying, “Sure I’d LOVE to put the groceries away” in a hostile or sarcastic tone of voice isn’t going to be well-received. And speaking of Gary Chapman and the Love Languages, it’s important that you are aware of your significant other’s love language. Each and every one of us has a different way that we want to receive love and if a person’s partner does not know how to communicate love in the way that they need, they can quickly begin to feel neglected. I highly recommend you read this book because it can give you wonderful insight on how to make your partner feel loved and appreciated!
The five love languages are as follows:
• Receiving gifts
• Quality time spent together
• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service (devotion)
• Physical touch
If you are uncertain about what Love Language your partner speaks, open dialogue about it. Remember, it’s all about communication!
It’s so easy to focus on what we don’t have, but everything changes when you start working on being grateful for what you do have. We all know the “grass is greener” concept, but it is something that can quickly rob you of your happiness and lead you down a path towards heartache and dissatisfaction in your relationship.
Melody Beattie beautifully conveyed the importance and magic of being grateful: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Gratitude makes things right.”
What’s more, a person will be so much happier in a relationship when they feel deeply appreciated.
Guarding against selfishness will serve you a great deal. If you seek to fulfill your own needs at your partner’s expense, you are going to experience unhappiness, resentment and conflict in your relationship. The secret to having a happy and fulfilling relationship is making sure that both partners feel that they can be who they are and feel supported.
Relationships are give and take partnerships, and many of us make the mistake of forgetting to give back. We have to prioritize compromise and make sure that both people in the relationship feel like things are fair and rewarding. The more supported a person feels, the more likely they will be to want to give back. So you see, it becomes a win-win!
There will be challenges along the road; it’s inevitable. The difference will be made with how you two overcome these challenges and move forward as a team. Once an issue has been resolved (and you do need to resolve it – burying it and letting it turn into resentment will not serve you), it’s important to learn to forgive. Even when you’ve been deeply hurt by your partner, you have to be able to forgive them for past transgressions.
To quote Gary Chapman again, “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.”
As a couple, you two should be on the same page so actively working on becoming friends again will fuel romance. In addition to this, it serves as powerful protection against the urge or reflex to be aggressive towards each other.
Being friends will make you happy because it solidifies the complicity between you and therefore strengthens your bond!
I wanted to share an email that I got from one of my clients recently.
“I am fortunate enough to be married to my best friend. Our marriage isn’t perfect and we’ve had to work very hard over the years to overcome a wide set of challenges. We actually even separated for a year and half before we ever got married because we also fell victim to the illusion of the grass is greener syndrome. But ultimately we found our way back together and today we’ve built a very strong common life project together and we’ve experienced deeper and more fulfilling love then I could have ever imagined I could feel. The key to our success is that we are best friends. We respect and support each other for who we truly are, despite our differences in culture and upbringing. If we can be happily committed, I am absolutely sure that you can too. In fact anybody can, as long as you are willing to learn how to be, and to put in the work because it’s not always easy. But it’s so worth it in the end!”
Dylan is absolutely right – as long as you are willing to learn how to be happy in your relationships, you can be! Anything worthwhile in life requires investment, and your relationship is no exception!
In today’s society we have such busy schedules and when we get comfortable in our relationship we tend to stop carving out time to spend quality time together. We might not even realize it but we begin to think, “Oh well I see him/her every night so we don’t need to plan dates or anything.”
Unfortunately this gives rise to the routine and monotony can quickly turn a happy relationship into an unhappy relationship.
Remember, you aren’t roommates so don’t just live parallel lives. Don’t just be in the same room or engage in the same activity! Be together! Focus your attention solely on your partner for a set period of time or remind them of how much they matter and how much you care about them.
A good way to do this is by setting daily rituals. For example, make time to share something with each other every single day. Tell your partner about things that you experienced or saw that day.
We get so caught up in social media and end up living in little bubbles… But when you are more focused on Instagram or what other people think, what message are you conveying to the person that you supposedly love and care for?
To learn more tools that can benefit your specific situation and build a happy and fulfilling relationship, we can work together! I can offer you the tools you need to get back on track towards a bright future with the one you love. We have created a product that is designed to help you boost the attraction between you and the one you love. If you would like to access it, all you have to do is click here.
I would love to hear from you so please don’t hesitate to leave your story in the comments section below along with any questions you may have. It would be my pleasure to respond to you. I encourage you to reach out to me by clicking here, and we can build a custom action plan that can not only save your relationship, but can make it better than ever before!
I look forward to hearing from you and I am wishing you all the very best!
Sincerely,
Your coach for creating happy relationships,
No spam, notifications only about news, events and updates.
“How long before moving in together?” This is a question I’ve been asked time and time again throughout my coaching sessions, and it’s no surprise!
A long time ago, he made a mistake that hurt you deeply. Your relationship was rocked by infidelity, but you put in the work to
Is your man dragging his feet when it comes to popping the question? In your mind, your relationship has long been ready for marriage, but
During my time as a love and relationship expert here at Happily Committed, I’ve seen every kind of relationship you can imagine. Everyone who comes
2 Responses
Great advice. Most of us know what it takes for living in a healthy, successful marriage that thrives. Albeit, as the marriage ages with time, it’s quite easy to find one or both take the other for granted. We all play pivotal roles. One may be the primary “bread winner,” while the other raises the children. However, dynamics shift with both the longevity of the marriage and as the children become young adults. One must also take in account how are spouse was raised? Was it a cohesive childhood experience? In my particular case, my childhood was privileged, yet extremely turbulent with my parents own marriage. That certainly had it’s own subset of insecurities that were brought into the marriage. Unlike my husband’s childhood, which was very idealistic in nature. These are factors that have been ongoing issues from the onset—32 years later. As a nurturing person at heart, I found myself at the center of attempting to cool my parents down and play the fixer. Thus, this remains in my own marriage. Difficult to fix when you fail to receive acknowledgement or clear communication. I was recently told by my spouse who knows how much communication means to me, “9 out of 10 times I don’t tell you my plans until the last minute because I don’t want an issue…”. That voids the very thing I’m seeking. Where does cone go with that information? Unequivocally, it leaves me feeling minimized and unimportant.
Least we hit on the topic of “calling a parent out in front of the children.” Sure, we are all guilty to some extent. But it varies greatly on what was said and the tone in which it was addressed. I have repeatedly asked my husband to discuss the issue at hand alone. It creates pinning to parenting. Good cop/Bad cop scenario. Clearly, I am often cited as the “bad cop.” Extremely detrimental to a marriage, and healthy relationships with your children. It’s undermining and quite frankly belittling.
We have raised seven healthy and successful children. We’ve stayed in this marriage for the sake of our children. Yet, today I find myself looking back and can no longer see the benefits of staying in what I deem as an unhealthy, nonproductive nor cohesive marriage at age 54.
There comes a point that it’s better to be alone and happy, than together and miserable. I will no longer be at the center of blame or being told what “behaviors,” I need to fix.
At the end of the day—the success or failure of a marriage is incumbent upon both parties.
Hi Anne, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You’re absolutely right, a marriage will change and evolve over time. The roles will change, the dynamics will shift, but communication is an essential element in a healthy, happy relationship that will withstand the test of time. As you said, the success of a marriage IS incumbent upon both parties. If you have made the decision to move on from this marriage, I highly recommend our new product that is designed to help you do this with confidence and peace of mind. To access it, all you have to do is click here.