The power of compliments when you are not happy in a relationship
When things feel like they’ve gone a little south and you and your significant other are not happy in a relationship, it’s always helpful to give him or her sincere compliments. It doesn’t cost you anything and it can strengthen the bond between you.
When someone feels genuinely appreciated, there is a huge shift. They feel loved and they are more inclined to want to give back, so both of you can begin to build each other up and strengthen the love between you.
Think about small acts of love and shower your significant other in them every day. Yes! Every day. Not just time to time, once a month, or once a week… As I said above, the gestures don’t need to be huge – it can be as simple as making him or her a cup of coffee prepared the way they like it in the morning. You can get creative and leave sweet little notes for them to find when they least expect it. Speaking of coffee, one of my favorite hiding places for a note is in the tin where we keep the coffee beans.
Another thing that you can do to make your partner happy is to think about what actions would actually make their lives easier. For example, if you have some time and you know they need to take their car in for a smog check, you can do that for them. If you’re picking up some groceries from the store, grab a nice bouquet of flowers to bring home for your partner. Send a sweet text message about how beautiful or handsome your partner looked this morning when they left for work.
As little at these things may be, they will make your partner feel loved. The more cherished a person feels, the happier the relationship becomes.
Keys to a happy relationship: The importance of communication & acceptance
As I’m sure you’ve heard before, one of the pillars of happy relationships is proper communication. Many people shut down when there is conflict, or they expect their partner to read their minds and know what the problem is.
The problem of course is that without proper communication, you aren’t going to be able to be on the same page and it becomes very difficult to operate as a team. There is a common thing that I’ve noticed in couples that are struggling, and it is the way they try to get their point across.
Instead of listening in an attempt to understand what the other person is trying to express, they listen so that they can come up with a good response. This puts them more in attack mode than in conflict resolution mode.
A good way to be careful with the way you communicate is to pay attention to how you use the word, “You.” Many people don’t realize that they’re coming off much more aggressively than they intended to. To illustrate my point, a common issue is the feeling of neglect. Oftentimes, I will see someone say, “You never spend time with me anymore, you always have something more important to do!”
If someone were to point the finger at you like this, your defenses would shoot right up, wouldn’t they?
But what would it feel like if instead, someone were to say, “I miss spending time with you. Do you want to go check out that new restaurant that opened up this weekend?”
It’s instantly more constructive, considerably less aggressive, and much more inviting. So when you’re communicating with your partner, be careful to avoid adopting an accusatory tone (which is something I will go over in more detail a little further down).
By the way, one of the secrets to a happy relationship is using proper communication to diffuse conflicts as soon as possible. If there is an issue, don’t waste any time in addressing it and resolving it. If you hold onto something, it can quickly turn into a grudge or resentment that undermines the bond between you.
When it comes to having a happy relationship with someone, detaching yourself from fundamental differences between you and your significant other is going to help you a great deal in the long run. For example, you might be someone who is very punctual whereas your partner might struggle with being on time to places. Instead of getting upset and turning the situation into a fight each time you go somewhere, you can adjust your approach. Plan to leave the house a bit earlier than you normally would if you need to be somewhere at a specific time and otherwise, just allow yourself to accept the way he or she is and that you might not arrive at 3pm on the dot when you go for your walk on the beach.
Being happy in a relationship by supporting each other’s dreams
In order to live a happy life and a happy relationship, you and your partner must support each other. Think about how you can support your partner in their dreams and in their passions. A common mistake that I see is people becoming possessive or suffocating in relationships.
In order for the relationship to truly thrive, both of you must maintain a personal life that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. This means that you’ve got to be supportive of your partner’s passions, but also help them to live with purpose. It’s important to encourage them to consistently pursue their dreams. It is all too easy to put personal goals and dreams on the back burner when you settle into a relationship, but I want to draw your attention to the importance of actively maintaining these things in your lives.
You might see that your partner has stopped pursuing his or her dreams and that they’ve lost track of their personal life, so encourage them! Steer clear of making them feel like all of their time should be spent solely with you. Encouraging your partner to dedicate time to other activities that bring them joy will strengthen your relationship by making their life feel more complete and at the same time, you will have more things to share and talk about. If two people spend too much time together, things can begin to feel very monotonous and predictable after a while, and this will damage a relationship.
So if you want to protect your relationship and make your partner happy, support them in doing the things that make them feel joy and do the same for yourself!
That said, it is also important to work towards common goals together. I often encourage my clients to focus on philanthropic and personal goals together with their significant others. Think about what you can do short term, medium term, and long term. There are smaller things that you can do to make this world a better place and make your relationship that much happier. I say this because making people happy releases endorphins, so if you are able to make people happy with your partner, you both will become happier as well.
So think about what kind of little things you can do together on a regular basis. For example, a morning jog together on Saturday mornings followed by a quick stop at a coffee shop together. Think about some volunteer work that you two can get involved in. Think about long term goals and where you would need to be a year from now in order to make it a reality. What would you need to do now to be where you would need to be in six months? Working towards common goals solidifies your bond, and making people happy will in turn make you happy as well.