Being in a longterm, serious relationship with someone requires maintenance. Many people come to me for help because they have started to feel that the spark isn’t really there anymore, and they want to learn how to fall back in love with their significant other.
This is a very common type of situation, so I wanted to share some tools with you that will help. There are many different types of emotions that can surge up when you are faced with the relationship that has lost its magic, and these emotions can actually lead to more issues.
In today’s article, I’m going to go over the different elements that can lead to this type of situation, how to navigate through your emotions, how to approach the situation, and how to implement concrete solutions.
Falling back in love with your partner can be a very enjoyable process if you approach it the right way. It’s very easy to panic and put a considerable amount of pressure on yourself, but that isn’t going to help with anything. Patience, motivation, and the right mindset are what will make the biggest difference, so let’s dive right in and look at how to fix your relationship!
Falling and back in love: The emotions involved
When a relationship is on the rocks, many of us can’t help but feel that we are responsible. The result is that this feeling impacts your self-esteem and confidence, which in turn lessens your partner’s interest. It can become a cyclical pattern that turns into a negative spiral.
The worst you feel, the more reassurance you need, and the more reassurance you need, the needier and clingier you become – which is the exact type of behavior that makes your partner pull even further away.
There’s a phenomenon that I have taken note of in my one-on-one coaching sessions with my clients. In many cases in which the relationship is suffering (whether it is a decrease in romantic love and passion, or if it is any other type of issue the couple is facing), many people have a tendency to blame themselves.
While it is very important to properly and honestly analyze the situation to determine what you need to start doing differently, it is also very important to be careful with taking the blame for something that is not warranted. Why would people do this? Well, simply because it is a defense mechanism.
A person might want to take the blame for the problem in the relationship because they feel that it’s easier to provide a solution if they are the root of the problem. It actually makes them feel more in control.
The problem with this type of thing is that if you take the blame for something that is not your fault, you put your partner on a pedestal and create an imbalance in the relationship, which can actually lead to more problems.
The best way to fall back in love with your relationship is to approach the situation with honesty and clarity in your mind. If you’re wondering “Can you fall back in love once that magic has disappeared,” the answer is YES. But you need to fall back in love with yourself, first.
It is the key to falling back in love with your spouse or partner, and it is the key to making him or her fall back in love with you!
How to fall back in love: The power of personal development
I work with many people who want to know how to fall back in love with a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend, and I’ve seen that many people lose track of themselves in their relationship.
When the relationship begins to take center stage in their life, little by little, they start setting aside less time for their passions and hobbies, their friends and family, and all the things that they liked to do when they were single.
This can be a slow process, which is why many people don’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late.
Very first thing that I encourage you to start doing when you want to fall back in love with your significant other is to start thinking about how you can start falling back in love with your life.
Start identifying all of the things that got put on the back burner when this relationship started to take precedence in your life. Have you stopped making time for being physically active? Have you stopped spending time with your friends and family? Have you been making time for activities that don’t revolve around your relationship?
The actions required to fall back in love again with someone are not relationship-centric. This might come as a surprise to some of you, but if you want to fall back in love with your partner, if you want him or her to fall back in love with you, and if you want both of you to fall back in love with the relationship, you’re going to have to re-create the balance and a sense of fulfillment that you felt in your life when your partner met you.
In doing so, not only will you start to feel more confident in your life, less needy and more fulfilled, you will start to remind your partner of the person they fell in love with.
How to fall back in love with your significant other: The easiest techniques
So now is the time to start pinpointing what attracted you to your partner, and what attracted them to you in the first place. I really encourage you to take some time to think about what things have changed in the relationship.
Were you more independent in the beginning? Like I said above, Think about what hobbies, passions, people and activities got placed on the back burner. Challenge yourself to make more time for these elements in your daily life.
Sometimes people fall out of love because the relationship starts to feel monotonous and predictable. If you spend every waking moment together, how are you going to miss each other and feel excited about reuniting? How are you going to have interesting stories to share or things to show your partner? Cultivating a fulfilling personal life is a huge asset and is one of the absolute best ways to fall back in love with someone.
So if you have been asking yourself, “How to fall back in love with my husband/wife/ boyfriend or girlfriend,” always remember that things need to feel fresh and inspiring!
Falling in love again in a long term, committed relationship
As I mentioned in the introduction, the feelings we experience when a relationship is on the rocks can be very overwhelming. That is why it is so important to take a step back and analyze the situation so that you realize that this is not a reflection of your self worth. We all experience varying emotions when our relationship is struggling, so it is always important to approach the situation in the right way.
Here are a few things I want you to keep in mind:
1. Don’t take the rejection you feel right now as a reflection of your self-worth
When the love is gone, you might feel like you are not desired by the person you are with, that they don’t see you as something special anymore, or maybe even that you’re not worthy of the love you desire. I want you to remember that in many cases, when a person pulls away from their partner, it is more over flexion of their low self esteem. If the person does not love themselves fully, it makes it very hard for them to love another person fully.
2. Put some space between you so that you can make a stronger comeback
When you are in a committed relationship with someone and you want to fall back in love, you have to detach and work on understanding their perception of reality (even if you don’t agree).
Empathy is one of the most valuable tools to cultivate in human relationships, especially when we are talking about the relationship between you and your significant other. It also helps you to put things into perspective and avoid taking things too personally when you fall in love.
3. Analyze what could be genuinely hurting your partner
Empathy also enables you to identify what behaviors and elements in the relationship could actually be hurting your partner. Taking a step back from the situation and giving yourself a 360° view of your relationship can help you pinpoint what’s going on.
Once you have understood what genuinely pains your partner, tell them that you’re sorry if it is your fault. You have got to take accountability and then take the appropriate steps to address the issue.
4. Pay attention to your interactions
Think about how you interact with your partner. Has your marriage or relationships stagnated, did you become complacent, or overbearing? What changed in your relationship and when?
Communicate what you truly appreciate about him or her once the dust settles. Many of the people who come to me for help in terms of how to make someone fall in love with you again don’t realize that they started to take their partner for granted.
It is important to focus on trying to relate to your spouse or significant other and what they are going through, whether you are in a long-term relationship or not!
5. Allow your partner to have space
I cannot stress the importance of this enough… do not desperately try to make him or her love you again, or you will run the risk of pushing them further away. I mentioned this above when I was talking about the importance of giving someone the opportunity to miss you, so give this person space to find themselves and begin craving your presence again.
If your significant other senses that you are afraid of losing them, they will begin to lose attraction for you. This is one of the most common problems I come across in my coaching sessions. The more you beg for someone’s real love and affection, the less inclined they will be to want to give it to you.
So, yes, when you fall in love, your partner needs to understand that you consider their presence to be important in your life, but you need to be careful to avoid making yourself appear needy or weak.
The secrets to fall in love all over again
We need to ensure that your partner feels appreciated and also free enough to feel that this romantic relationship is not suffocating them. Finding the right balance between spending time and sharing things together and giving them the opportunity to miss you is what we need to do.
So here are a few more elements to keep in mind that will help you to fall back in love with someone and make them fall back in love with you:
• Learn to accept your partner even when you don’t like their behavior
When you want to make someone love you again, don’t forget the power of unconditional love. If you are constantly harping on your partner or holding grudges for mistakes they made, you will only create a divide between you and decrease your attractiveness in their eyes. Be compassionate, understanding, and forgiving, and you will see that it will be much easier to rebuild a solid foundation.
• Don’t take things personally
We all live extremely busy lives with 500 different things going on at the same time, and sometimes your partner will be a little more tense than usual, especially if there is a lot of pressure on them. So learn to help your partner let off steam and boost serotonin. A great tool for this is vigorous physical activity, so you could go for runs together or even take up some kind of sport like tennis or surfing. This can also improve your sex life because of the adrenaline boosts you’ll experience.
• Learn to be vulnerable with your partner
Many of us have a bad habit of bottling up our emotions until they all accumulate and explode. This can lead to a lot of fights, so when you love someone, it is important to learn how to communicate with your partner. Being vulnerable with your partner can actually bring you much closer together, and will make it easier to express what you feel and want.
• Actions that make your partner feel special
If you want to know how to fall back in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend or vice versa, don’t underestimate the importance of going out of your way to do nice things for them. Thoughtful gestures will make a person feel special and this is a powerful tool for reviving the bond between you. Just be careful to not overdo it and look needy or desperate. These gestures do not need to be grandiose – just thoughtful. If your partner needs an oil change, you can do it for them and help check off at least one thing from the endless to do list! You can make them their favorite food for dinner or hide a note in their car with something written on it that will make them smile.
• A happy relationship is a balanced relationship
The key to understanding how to make your wife or husband love you again is to ensure that there is a balance in the relationship. Both people need the freedom to be themselves, to pursue their own goals, and to feel respected by their significant other.
To take it a step further, we’ve designed a product to help you reignite the attraction between you. You can access it here and rekindle that flame!
How to fall back in love with your husband or wife: Keep things interesting!
When you want to fall back in love with your partner, always remember that things need to feel interesting! If things have started to feel monotonous and predictable, that doesn’t mean that things need to stay that way – especially when you are restoring the relationship!
So take your time and enjoy the moment. Think of fun things to do together to reestablish the complicity between you. You know, it has been said that sharing activities that induce an adrenaline rush can actually make two people bond. So do something fun together like riding a roller coaster or go karting! Fall in love with something together and watch your feelings of love for one another start to bloom again.
Listen to each other and don’t live separate lives under the same roof. Self love is important, but make sure that you take the time to connect with each other, talk to each other, and share things with each other. Did you listen to a really interesting Ted Talk recently? Tell your partner about it! Did you notice that a new restaurant opened up in the city? Go to check it out together!
It’s very important to make time for each other. Alone time without the kids can help you reconnect, especially when you fear that you have fallen out of love. You can even book a hotel room once a month and block time off in your schedule for romance and excitement.
Fall back in love with each other by doing the things your partner really enjoys doing! You know them better than anyone, so think about what they would really enjoy and share it with them!
There are so many ways that you can fall back in love with each other, if you still feel like you need a helping hand please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or member of my team. Join the Happily Committed Project and transform your relationship in a meaningful way. You can also leave any questions you may have about how to fall deeply in love again in the comments section below it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you.
I wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to fall back in love,