This one should come as no surprise. When you are wondering about how to know if you’re with the right person, it is important to pay attention to any red flags that catch your attention, but it is also very important to pay attention to any red flags that catch your friends and family’s attention. If you have a healthy relationship with a friend or family member that knows you very well, and they bring your attention to an action, characteristic, or behavior from your significant other that they find alarming, it is important to listen.
There is a from Mad Men that I really stood out to me.
“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it – because we want them to be who we want them to be.” – Don Draper
Very often, people will make excuses for their partners and say, “Oh well all relationships take work,” or, “You just don’t know him/her the way I do…” But I encourage you to be very honest with yourself at all times. Your intuition knows if something isn’t right, and if the people you love and trust also have concerns, you might now be with the right person. Don’t isolate yourself from these people if they try to bring something to your attention – because this is something I see happening very often. At the end of the day, it is better to be happy on your own than with the wrong person! And there are so many tools to help you determine whether or not the person you are with is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Is this relationship right for me: Know what you want!
One of the things I tell people who are entering into the dating world after a long time is that they have to be very aware of what they want. If you don’t know what you want out of a relationship and a partner, how are you going to know if you’ve found it. Sure, there are pleasant surprises in life, but globally speaking, you have to be very aware of what you want.
When you begin dating someone, you can’t be afraid of telling him or her what you’re ultimately looking for. If you are ready to be with the person that you’re going to be married to and have children with, you have to be able to ask your partner is those are the types of things that they’re open to in their relationships. Because, at the end of the day, what happens when this conversation isn’t had and then you find out two years into dating this person that he or she has no intention of getting married or having kids? Then you wind up in a sticky situation that you could have avoided if you had been clear about your wants and needs early on.
So my next question for you is this. Do you and your significant other want the same things? Are you on the same page in terms of your non-negotiables? Think about your family life, think about where you’d want to live, think about your work vs stay-at-home dynamic, think about how you want to spend your free time, think about your long-term goals…
If you have no idea if you’re on the same page or not, having these conversations with your partner will give you a much better idea of whether or not you are with the right person.
How to know you’re with the right person: Being inspired to be the best version of yourself
One of the biggest indicators that you are with the right person has to do with the way you’ve been living your life since you’ve been with them. Above, I mentioned that if this person is trying to change you into someone you just are not, then they’re probably not the right person… But do not confuse that with someone who is inspiring you to reach your full potential, and to be the absolute best version of yourself.
If your partner makes you feel like you can conquer all your dreams and they are your #1 fan, then you have a wonderful relationship. There is a big difference between being made to feel small and being made to feel big, and you have to be very careful with this in a relationship.
Similarly, this relationship should also feel inspiring. If you two are stepping out of your comfort zones and are discovering new things together, it means that you are going to grow together. If you can grow together, your relationship won’t wind up feeling stagnant, and this is one of the keys to a happy, long-lasting relationship.